


Rules for Roommates

by Pickitup



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 09:04:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10590795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pickitup/pseuds/Pickitup
Summary: Modern AU. Arthur works in publishing and is ashamed to tell anyone he's secretly editing erotica, and being bullied by one of his authors - the arrogant 'Lake Anders'. He's also just taken in a new roommate, the adorable Merlin Emrys, who is definitely Not His Type. Or is he?





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur _really_ could have done without having to share his house with a new flatmate. Normally he lived with Morgana, his stepsister, but she'd decided to fuck off to India for six months. Conveniently, a friend of a friend of hers needed somewhere to stay for six months and voila, here was Arthur, forced to live with a stranger. Arthur hadn't had to live with a stranger since boarding-school. He'd hated it then and he was convinced he was going to hate it now. Probably for different reasons, unless the new flatmate also had a penchant for beating him up and farting without embarrassment, but _still_.

'Why didn't you just say no?' Leon asked, nursing a pint. His tone was reasonable. Leon's tone was _always_ reasonable.

'Have you ever tried to say 'no' to Morgana before?' Arthur asked.

Leon laughed.

'The question wasn't rhetorical, Leon. Have you?' Arthur persisted.

'Um,' Leon paused for a gulp of beer. 'No. I haven't. I don't think I'd dare.'

'There you go then,' Arthur snapped, moodily tearing a beer-mat into tiny little pieces. 'And it wasn't as if she asked, either. She just said 'I'm going to India for six months, a friend of Gwen's needs somewhere to stay, I'm subletting my room.' And I just stood there and nodded, like a dick.'

'A friend of Gwen's?' Leon winced.

'Yeah, yeah, _exactly_ ,' the shredding of the beer-mat became ever more vicious. 'I've been avoiding Gwen ever since it all happened and now her bezzie mate's moving in with me and she'll blatantly want to hang out all the time.'

'She won't,' Leon said. There it was, that _reasonable_ , logical tone again. 'She's not cruel. She'll keep her distance.'

Arthur had been going out with Gwen for a year when she dumped him. For someone else. And not just anyone else, but practically the nicest guy who ever lived - goodlooking (he _modelled_ in his spare time), talented, and also incredibly honest. He'd actually called Arthur to _apologise_ when he got with Gwen, which had been the most stilted phonecall of Arthur's entire life. Gwen hadn't actually cheated on Arthur, to be fair, she'd just told him things weren't working, and then three months later she'd moved in with Lance, an old Uni mate of Arthur's.

That didn't stop Arthur from telling everyone who would listen what a 'scarlet woman' she was. When drunk he had even used the expression 'brazen hussy', which was when Leon told him to pull himself together and stop using turns of phrase that were more at home in the pages of women's magazines from the 19th century.

'Yeah, but it's yet another thing on my plate, and everything has been going tits up for a while now.' He tore open his bag of Scampi crisps with aggression, so that they scattered over the table. 'For fuck's sake!' He brought his fist down on one of them til it crumbled then looked with disgust at the orange mess it made as it mixed with his beer.

Leon covered his hand with his own, and looked at him. Really hard. 'One, those things stink to high heaven and I really don't want to go home smelling like I've rolled in batter, and two, you're being melodramatic. Things aren't that bad.'

'I've still got my health I suppose,' Arthur muttered. 'And my looks,' he added.

Leon snorted. 'And your arrogance.'

Arthur's lips quirked unwillingly. 'You've got to admit though, being dumped and a new roommate _on top_ of the work situation is a shitter.'

'The work situation is not _that_ bad,' Leon said mildly. 'You've been promoted.'

'Yeah, to cover someone's maternity leave _on the erotica list_.'

Leon laughed and then tried to cover it with a cough, before giving in to it and throwing his head back.

'Thanks for your support, mate.'

'I can't help it, Arthur, it's pretty funny. And it's not forever - you're covering her list for six months and when she's back you can start commissioning your own books, can't you?'

'Yes,' he admitted.

'So it's just six months of quivering nipples and throbbing members and what-have-you and you're away.'

Arthur narrowed his eyes, 'It's not just the 'quivering nipples' and 'throbbing members' that are the problem. It's also the fact that one of my authors is a real arsehole. Some guy called 'Lake Anders', yeah 'cause that's a believable name, is basically _bullying_ me over email.'

'You have male authors? Who write erotica? Well, who'd have thunk,' Leon shook his head.

Arthur flushed. 'He's my only male author actually. He writes, um, gay erotica.'

'Oh,' Leon's eyes widened. 'Brokeback Mountain style?'

'No. More like 'Debbie does Dallas' style. Only, Debbie is Danny. It's _filth_ , Leon,' he leaned across the table to make his point, 'f-i-l-t-h. I mean, I'd consider myself an open-minded kind of guy, but some of this stuff. Well. Let's just say I'll never look at a policeman's truncheon the same way again.'

'Ooh matron, is that a double entendre?' Leon asked suggestively.

'No,' Arthur said glumly, 'I'm not using it as a euphemism for a policeman's 'throbbing member'. I'm referring to the literal truncheon of a policeman. They're like _a foot long_.'

Leon laughed, swigged his pint, 'And he's bullying you?'

'Yeah, disagrees with all of my editorial notes, hates the new jacket, has accused me of 'rampant homophobia' at least fifty times which is _not_ true.'

'Not any more at least,' Leon shrugged. 'Not since college when you lost your mind over that rugby coach, what was his name again?'

'Gwaine,' Arthur muttered. 'And I didn't 'lose my mind', I just realised that sexuality is more fluid than I had first suspected.'

Leon coughed, and Arthur was pretty sure he coughed to cover the words, 'lost your mind' but couldn't be sure. He popped a couple of scampi snacks into his mouth and carried on his story, spraying Lance with fishy crumbs. 'My Dad told me if I left law behind and went into publishing I'd never make a success of myself - that it was a joke career for 'limp-wristed liberal twats' and I'd bring shame on the family name. And, what if he's right?' Arthur noticed how small his voice sounded and despised himself for it. 'It's been two years now and all I'm doing is working with old ladies on bodice-rippers. I now know 37 different words for 'vagina', Leon, what have I become?'

'You knew 30 words for vagina before you joined publishing, Pendragon, and you didn't have an excuse then, apart from being a massive slag.'

Arthur smiled half-heartedly, slurped his beer.

'Your Dad's a dick, Arthur, he was gutted when you left Pendragon & Associates and he took it out on you in the worst possible way. And he was always going to be weird about publishing. It's what your Mum did, and I guess it stirs up memories. Which wasn't helped by you deciding you were going to use your Mum's surname at work.'

'Yeah, well, I thought it'd be a nice gesture. I didn't realise being 'Arthur Stuart' would drive him so mental. Maybe I shouldn't have done it, but I wanted that distance.' He frowned, 'And this isn't like me either, this self-doubt,' Arthur said, 'I've never had a crisis of confidence before.' He'd always been so sure of himself: graduated from Cambridge with a first in Law, taken on at his father's firm, a string of very beautiful, very polished girlfriends. And now here he was - single, being bullied by someone who wrote porn for a living, having to share his house with a stranger. Added to which he hadn't got laid for three months. 'This isn't like me.'

'Look mate, give it a chance. It's only been two weeks. See how you get on with the new roommate, hang in there at work and if things go well in six months you'll have a job you love, be living on your own, and you might even have had sex again,' he added, smugly.

'How did you know?' Arthur snapped.

'You always look a bit puffy around the jowls when you're not getting any.'

Arthur's hand automatically went to his cheeks before he forcefully pulled it away and used it to flick Leon on the nose. 'Arsehole.' He huffed. 'But you're right. Anyway,' he checked his watch, 'the newbie arrives about now so I'd better go. I want to time it right so I don't have to help her with her unpacking, but I can offer her a glass of wine to unwind.' He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

'And you say _I'm_ the arsehole?' Leon asked, wounded. He shook his head, 'Off you go then, I'll see you on Saturday for the footie.'

'Yeah, see you, and thanks,' he clasped Leon's shoulder. 'You're a good mate.'

***

It took exactly thirty-seven minutes door-to-door between their favourite pub and Arthur's flat. It was a nice flat, only a few minutes walk from West Hampstead tube (not Kilburn, how dare you), and he was hopeful that with the added money coming in he could get Morgana to move out soon. But for now? Well, publishing paid nowhere near as well as law had, and he needed all the help he could get with the mortgage.

A lot had changed in the past two years - new job, promotion, dumped, barely talking to his dad. And most of it wasn't good. It was hard when you were someone like Arthur who'd been brought up to believe he was somehow special, to realise that actually you were just like everyone else. You had to slog, and put in the hours, and not everything was handed to you on a plate. He'd changed a lot in the last two years too. Making other people tea had humbled him. He'd hated it at first, been sulky and truculent, and slept with the work experience girls. But that got him nowhere other than hated by the other editorial assistants, and bollockings from his boss. So he'd knuckled down, and realised he enjoyed the work, and he was good at it, and painstakingly slowly he'd done better.

He had his keys in the door when it was opened from the other side, he jerked suddenly, reared back. 'Who are you?'

There was a messy-haired man standing in the doorway, well, he said 'man', he looked more like a teenager, in scruffy jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. 'Gangly,' was the word which sprang to mind.

'I'm, erm, Merlin, you must be Arthur?' he held out his hand, realised it was covered in bike oil and grimacing, wiped it on his ripped jeans.

Arthur took it gingerly, 'Yes, I'm Arthur Pendragon, and who exactly are you?'

Merlin looked at him like he was simple, 'Merlin, Merlin Emrys?'

'Are you helping your girlfriend move in?' Arthur asked.

'Girlfriend? Um, no? I don't have one. Gay,' he added, then blushed furiously. 'Not out that long. I keep blurting it out to random people. Sorry.' Even the tips of his ears went red.

'Then what are you doing in my house?' he couldn't help being slightly amused by the boy, whoever he was.

'I'm your new roommate.'

'No, my new roommate's a girl,' Arthur said.

'Um, nope, definitely not a girl,' Merlin said. He did a twirl and a 'ta-da' with added jazz hands. 'All male, 100%, I promise.'

Arthur closed his eyes, rubbed the bridge of his nose and pushed past Merlin into the hall. 'She definitely told me it was a girl moving in. Someone called Elena?'

'Elena? Nah, she lives in Bulgaria at the moment. She's an underwear model,' he added helpfully. 'Takes her all over the world.'

'So instead of living with an underwear model I'm living with...' he gestured at Merlin's scruffy appearance.

'Merlin Emrys-'

'-thanks, I got that much.'

'I'm a writer, 27, non-smoker, drinker but never an annoying drunk. I like cooking, nice wine, and long walks in the park.' He smiled and Arthur couldn't help it: he smiled back. There was something endearing about the boy's face. 

'You're no way 27 though,' he said to him. '17 I'd believe...'

'I am!' Merlin put his hands on his hips. 'I can show you my I.D. if you don't believe me.'

'Sore-spot is it?'

'Yes, very,' Merlin said. 

'Bloody Morgana,' Arthur said, climbing over several boxes into the lounge. 'She told me it was a girl, a friend of a friend, and she'd be away a lot.'

'I'm a friend of a friend,' Merlin said, 'I know Gwen a bit - we go to the same book club - and she mentioned this to me. How do you know her anyway?'

'I'm her ex-boyfriend,' he said, shortly.

'Oh shit, shit, I'm sorry. Oh god, I never knew your name, I'm such a fucking idiot,' he smacked himself in the forehead.

'Bloody hell,' Arthur reared back, 'you don't have to start self-harming in front of me as an apology. It's fine, you didn't know. And now you do.'

'Look, we've got off on the wrong foot and I'm sorry. Can we start again?' he rubbed his hair the gesture curiously childlike and rather adorable. Arthur blinked, where had _that_ come from? 'Before physically running into you I was actually going out to buy some wine as a thank you for letting me stay here, red or white?'

'Oh, er, red, thanks. And sorry for not being very welcoming. And for accusing you of being a teenager. And having a go at you for not being a girl.'

'It's alright,' he shrugged. 'Guess it was a shock.' He smiled and his cheeks showed dimples.

Arthur watched him as he left. How the hems of his jeans dragged on the ground and he had to pull them up his skinny hips. He smiled, despite himself. Maybe they'd get on.

***

'Now that's where you're wrong,' Merlin told him, putting down his glass of wine to gesticulate more furiously. 'Boarding school breeds adults who suffer from intimacy problems, and who have difficulty relating to the opposite sex.'

Arthur snorted, inhaling the last gulp of wine, 'So I'm a commitment-phobe who secretly hates women?'

'No,' Merlin coloured, 'I didn't say _that_.'

'I think you'll find you did, actually.'

'No, I...' he broke off, looking puzzled. 'How did we get on to this topic again?'

Arthur paused, looking around at the room. They'd started off in the lounge, before Merlin had drunkenly decided to 'make a start' on unpacking and now here they were, surrounded by Merlin's clothes (uniformly ripped jeans, trainers and T-shirts), debating everything from gay adoption to the modelling industry. 'I'm not entirely sure, I think it was related to... oh god, those Enid Blyton books about boarding school, Malory Towers?'

'Yes,' Merlin looked smug, 'and all I'm saying is that if you found any of those girls all grown-up, say _Darrell_ , you'd find them unhappily married carrying on secret lesbian affairs with other W.I. members.'

Arthur laughed, properly, for the first time in ages. 

Merlin stopped folding clothes and looked at him, smiling proudly. 'I like making you laugh.'

'Yeah well I like laughing, I haven't been doing enough of it lately,' Arthur reached for the wine bottle and saw that it was empty. 'Bollocks.'

'I got a second bottle too,' Merlin handed it over.

'Bloody hell, you're already a much better roommate than Morgana is.' He rummaged around til he found the corkscrew. 'She only drinks sparkling mineral water with a lemon slice at the moment. And if I'm hungover she deliberately does the Ministry of Sound workout video at full-volume in the lounge.'

Merlin snorted, 'She sounds like a character.'

'Yeah, she is that,' Arthur topped himself up. 'Sometimes too much of one. I love her, but I'm glad to be having a break from her. Do you know what I mean?'

'Yeah,' Merlin said, sitting down on the clothes-covered bed. 'It's why I'm here. I've been living with my boyfriend and his three house-mates for the past two months and it's just all got a bit much. I care about him, but I need some space for a bit, I've had it up to here with him practicing his guitar at all hours and eating toast in bed.'

'How long have you been together?' Arthur felt a bit sad that Merlin had a boyfriend. Not because he was interested in him - Arthur's type in women was tits and hips and in men it was broad shoulders and biceps - but because he didn't want another couple's happiness rubbed in his face. And maybe that made him a bad person, but he didn't really care.

'About six months. He cheated on me a while ago and we broke up, then he asked me to move in and... I did,' he said simply, busying himself in putting away a load of boxer shorts.

'That's fucking _wank_ , mate, who did he cheat on you with?' Arthur took his tie off, unbuttoned his shirt a bit, slumping back in the piles of clothes.

'Ugh, he's such a cliche. He's an 'actor',' he did an exaggerated drawl and air quotation marks, 'and he works at this shit bar, and he shagged one of the guys he worked with. Who is totally lush, if I'm honest, and has amazing biceps and could probably do bicep-curls using me and not break a sweat.' He paused, blinked, 'Which is an oddly arousing image if I'm honest. But yeah, I caught them at it, I stormed out, I cried for weeks, he begged me back, I went back. And now I've moved out. We're still together but... I don't know, it's just felt different since then. Every time we sleep together I bet he's thinking how... scrawny I am. That I look like I'm seventeen,' he shot a baleful look at Arthur from beneath his lashes.

'I'm sorry,' Arthur winced. 'I didn't know. And if he begged you back it's because it's you he wants - not some beefcake.'

'Maybe,' he huffed. 'Or maybe he knows I'm a safer bet to fund his band than a bar-tender.'

'What kind of writing do you do?' Arthur asked, trying to change the subject.

Merlin flushed, looked away, 'Um, I ghost-write actually, for specialist presses.'

'Oh, like technical writing? Educational stuff?'

'Yeah, yeah,' he said vaguely.

'And that pays well?' Arthur couldn't imagine they got huge advances.

'No, but if you do enough of it it does, and I do occasional celebrity non-fiction books too which make me £20k to £70k a pop.'

Arthur whistled, 'Good if you can get it. I used to work in law but quit to go into publishing and it's not well-paid at all.'

'Publishing? What a coincidence, where do you work?'

'Oh, just a fiction publisher, nothing educational, you wouldn't have heard of it,' he lied furiously. 'Look, let me leave you to it, mate. It's been good to chat. I'm glad - and believe me I'm surprised to be saying this - that you're not a Bulgarian bikini model.'

Merlin laughed, 'Cheers, Arthur. Thanks for putting me up here, it's really kind of you.'

'Don't mention it.' He squeezed his arm, enjoyed the way Merlin's dimples appeared again. 'Night.'

'Night.'

Arthur fell asleep easily that night, for the first time in ages he wasn't tormented by a litany of his failures, by fears of how 'Lake Anders' would flay him over email in the morning, or by thoughts of Gwen. He just thought about Merlin's smile. 'His boyfriend's an idiot,' he thought. 'Who'd cheat on a nice guy like him.' And he fell asleep to dream of romance covers where the blushing virgin being embraced was him, and the bulky pirate was _Merlin_.


	2. Chapter 2

When Arthur woke up the next morning it was to the irresistible smell of frying bacon. For a moment he was confused. Morgana had been vegan for the past year, and macrobiotic, and she most definitely _definitely_ did not fry stuff in oil.

He padded downstairs in his boxers to make a cuppa, noticing with a smile that the heating was on. He'd been rowing with Morgana for months over the heating. She said that extreme cold was good for you so would sneak down each night to switch it off, waging silent warfare over the boiler to the degree that he had at one point considered sleeping in a thermal onesie. But no, he might not be getting laid, but that was no excuse to really let his standards slip that much.

'Arthur!' Merlin was wearing striped pyjamas - which did not help with the whole 'looking 17' thing he had going on - and was frying bacon and eggs. 'I made tea!' he put down a steaming tea-pot in front of Arthur.

Arthur slumped down in a kitchen chair, 'Did I dream you?' he asked.

'Um, no, why?'

'Morgana doesn't let me fry food because of the smell and no one's made me a cup of tea since... well, since Gwen.'

'Hey,' Merlin sympathised, 'you've now got the world's best roommate so you can look forward to a fry-up at least once a week and regular tea.'

'God you're nice,' Arthur said, picking up a mug and pouring it full of tea, before liberally adding milk and sugar. He drank deeply and sighed, 'Ah, Tetley.'

Merlin laughed, 'It's actually P.G. Tips.'

Arthur shrugged, 'I just like the advert.'

Merlin plonked down a plate in front of Arthur - buttery toast, baked beans, bacon, a fried egg and a big old dollop of H.P. sauce.

'Are you sure I didn't dream you?' Arthur asked as he bit into it.

Merlin looked shy, 'Do you like it?'

'S'fucking brilliant.' Egg squirted on his chin and he wiped it off. 'God your boyfriend's a dick.'

'Oi,' Merlin said, but he blushed and looked quite pleased as he sat down to tuck into his plate too. 

'God, where do you put it Merlin?' Arthur asked, gobsmacked as Merlin practically inhaled the plate. I've never seen eating like that... and my mate Leon is banned from our local 'all-you-can-eat' Chinese lunch deal.'

Merlin snorted, 'Well, I'm naturally very greedy, of course,' he said, 'and I guess part of me hopes if I eat enough I'll fill out my body.' He peeled back his pyjama shirt to reveal a knobbly wrist and winced, then roughed his hair up again which he seemed to do when he was nervous.

Again, Arthur bit down the word 'adorable' knowing one, that it was inappropriate to call your tenant such a thing, and also knowing that it would only reinforce Merlin's belief that he was scrawny and childlike and not very sexy.

'My nickname at school was 'skeletor',' he sighed, moodily.

Arthur snorted and then turned it into a cough. He was practiced at this, having seen Leon do it many, many times. 'My nickname at school was 'King Arthur'.'

'Oh wow,' Merlin said, deadpan, through a mouthful of bacon. 'That must have been so tough for you.'

'Fine,' Arthur looked away, 'it was actually 'WanKing Arthur'. My fucking room-mate told everyone in sixth form he'd caught me giving myself a hand-shandy in the school urinals.'

Merlin burst out laughing.

'It's not funny,' Arthur insisted. 'The sick fuck told everyone - as if I'd wank in the urinals! I'm not some exhibitionist.'

'Ha, well, you've made me feel better,' Merlin said, dipping his toast in H.P. sauce with abandon. 'I might have been skinny, but I wasn't known for being some creepy sex-pervert with a penchant for the smell of urine.'

Arthur looked disgusted. 'Gross. God, it was a surprise I managed to find a girlfriend after _those_ rumours went round.'

Merlin sniggered. 'You in tonight?'

'Nah, I've got a blind-date. Leon's set me up with one of his girlfriend's friends.' He wrinkled his nose. 'I fucking hate blind-dates. I've never had a good one.'

'I've never been on a blind-date. My sexual experience before my boyfriend was confined to blowjobs in some of Vauxhall's less salubrious night-spots. I only came out when I met him. Guess that's one thing to thank him for.'

'Even if he is a dick in all other respects,' Arthur said, grumpily, finishing his tea. 'If I had someone who treated me nicely and made me breakfast and tea I'd never look elsewhere.'

Merlin snorted, 'That's very nice of you - but despite my many shared qualities with a 50s housewife, there is the little problem of me not being his type. I mean, all his other boyfriends looked like... well, like you,' he gestured at Arthur's torso.

'What?' he asked, self-conscious.

'You know... Muscular. Big. Fit.' His gaze on Arthur's chest made him cross his arms defensively until Merlin looked away. 'And he said he liked me because of my 'personality' and well, I guess that's not enough is it? You have to have attraction too.'

'You should dump him,' Arthur said. 'Honestly, mate, if someone makes you feel this shit about yourself you should get rid of him.'

'You don't understand...' Merlin bit his lip, busied himself clearing the table. 'Someone who looks like you wouldn't. I'm a niche interest, and before him, I'd had _no_ interest. And he's funny, and gorgeous, and smart and it's not that easy.'

'Look, I'm not good at heart to hearts,' Arthur said awkwardly. 'And I barely know you. But from what I do know you're a good bloke and you can do better. It's as easy as that.' He shrugged. 'Thanks for breakfast - I owe you one. I'll see you later, yeah, have a good day writing your text-books?'

'Thanks,' Merlin smiled, 'have a good day. Oh, shit, before I forget, let me give you my number, in case I get locked out or something.'

'Sure,' Arthur let him type his in to Arthur's phone, then called him. 'Um, how likely is it you will lock yourself out?'

'Pretty likely,' Merlin grinned, 'it's why I've developed such brilliant breakfast making skills. It eases the annoyance.'

***

In publishing there's a term for authors who you really, really wish you didn't have to work on. They're 'heart sinkers', as in, if you see their number, or their email, your heart sinks. In publishing, if you inherit someone else's authors, there's very little you can do about a heart sinker other than grit your teeth, push your shoulders back and try to make yourself read their emails without hitting 'delete'.

Arthur had had a very pleasant morning up until 11am. He'd arrived on time, pleasantly full of greasy food, he'd been congratulated in the publicity meeting for his ideas for their campaign relaunching backlist gems, and he'd blitzed a load of cover copy that his predecessor had 'kindly' left him.

Then, at 11:04 to be precise, his day was ruined. His outlook 'new mail' icon popped up in the right-hand of his screen: 'From: lake.anders@gmail.com Subject line: Rules for Roommates.'

His heart sank.

Big time.

He delayed the inevitable by going to the kitchen, pouring out all the water in the kettle, filling it to the brim, and waiting as it took ages to boil. Then he made himself a glass of water as well as a cup of tea, threw out all the off milk from the fridge, before finally, slowly making his way back to his desk.

He opened outlook and gingerly clicked on the email:

'Dear Arthur,

I am awaiting a response to several queries:  
1\. When can I expect to see covers for 'Hot Wet Ecstasy' and 'The Cabin-Boy's Lust'?  
2\. My backlist stretches to some 57 titles, will any of these be reprinted as part of your 'backlist gems' publishing programme?  
3\. I responded to your editorial notes on 'Boarding-School Orgy' on Friday 17th and have yet to receive a response. Please confirm you received them.  
4\. I am due the delivery advance on the above title (note my contracts state 'delivery of manuscript' not 'acceptance of text') - please confirm when I will receive the BACS transfer for this.  
5\. I have not yet received royalties due from the last accounting period. There was a delay last year and I was promised this would not happen again. Please discuss with your accounts team and revert as soon as possible.  
6\. I have come up with a new title to pitch: Rules for Roommates. I have attached a one-page synopsis outlining the plot. Please let me know if this is suitable.

I would appreciate your earliest response in this matter.

Best,  
Lake Anders'

Arthur sat back, winded - every point on this list would take between 4 hours and 4 weeks to sort out and he knew if he didn't go back to Lake within the day, he'd get a series of increasingly obnoxious emails each day he delayed.

He flagged the email as 'important' in his inbox and then decided to do the easiest part, read the treatment for 'Rules for Roommates'.

Arthur pitied any roommate of Mr Lake Anders that was for sure. Arthur couldn't say the name in a normal voice, only in an obnoxiously nasal one. I mean, who was fucking called Lake Anders? His real name was probably something dull like Tom Smith, or, and Arthur liked this one better, he had a totally unfortunate name like 'Fred West' or 'Harold Shipman'.

Ha.

Arthur skimmed the short precis: two men move in together. One is gay, one is very straight, works out at the gym all the time, plays rugby, same old same old. The gay one gradually seduces the straight one and there is a misunderstanding (obviously) before the 'straight' one ended up being shagged in very inventive ways around the house. For Lake, it was actually quite sweet. As far as Arthur could see no household implements had been used in inventive ways, and no pizza delivery boys or window-cleaners had joined in. Hmm.

He then read the longer synopsis which explained the title. The straight housemate, 'James', had come up with a list of rules both him and 'Harry' had to follow. These started off innocently about when they could bring people home, doing washing-up etc etc, but as Harry seduced James they become dirtier. James wouldn't admit to his desires so they started that they could watch each other masturbate but not touch, but over time he broke down and the rules dictated next that they could use hands, then mouths... then the inevitable happened. Arthur found himself oddly turned on by the narrative. Normally he was never turned on by what he read at work. A lot of the books _frightened_ him, for myriad reasons, but this was. Well. Quite hot actually. 

He decided to bite the bullet and email back Lake right away.

'Dear Lake,

Thank you for your note. I will respond to your other queries shortly. I have just read 'Rules for Roommates' and must congratulate you - it is a very neat plot device, nicely drawn characters and an obvious appeal for the market.

Kind regards,  
Arthur'

He hit send and decided to go through the editorial notes to 'Boarding School Orgy'.

It was littered with 'stets' from Lake.

'This is an obvious joking reference to _Gossip Girl_ and must be left in.'

'I am disgusted that you want to remove this scene with the shower-rail from what I can only assume is homophobia.'

'This is a literary reference to Ovid's Metamorphoses.'

Stet, stet, stet. In the end Arthur's head swam with it and he minimised the window, deciding to get started on a some cover briefs for a Regency Romance series he was working on.

Then an email pinged in. Ugh, Lake, _again_.

'Hi Arthur,

Thank you for your kind words. I think this idea really has legs and the characters could perhaps become series characters. I am glad that you enjoyed the synopsis - I had fun writing it!

All best,  
Lake'

Arthur blinked. Had he read that right? Lake had been _nice_ to him? Well, that was interesting. With renewed vigor he attacked the cover brief. 'Need a big, muscular model with shirt ripped open to the waist, cradling a woman in negligee. She needs to be blonde and be clinging entreatingly up to him. This is not a cover to be brave with, needs to sit firmly in market. Think creamy bosoms and quivering thighs.'

***

7pm and Arthur was in the crappy bar his blind-date, Vivian, had picked. It was in Leicester Square for one, aka the most touristy of tourist traps that ever touristed, and it was full of wanker bankers for two. Arthur could pass as a wanker banker - and, truth be told, had used to behave like one - but his recent step-down job-wise had given him what Leon had termed 'some much needed humility.'

'You must be Arthur?' she was blonde, and pretty, Arthur saw with relief. Nicely dressed, if a bit smart, expensive earrings and watch.

'Yes, pleasure to meet you,' he got up and kissed both her cheeks, pulling her seat out for her. 'What can I get you to drink?'

'Glass of Laurent-Perrier?'

Arthur winced inwardly. Fucking cheek of asking for that as a drink. And he bet that she would not offer to get the next round. 'Sure,' he said.

'Glass of cava, mate,' he said at the bar, knowing he couldn't afford to spend £20 on one glass of champagne. 'And I'll have a lime and soda water.'

The date went from bad to worse. She didn't notice the cheap booze he'd substituted her order with which made him think less of her (it was obviously the name she liked rather than the taste) and she kept up a constant stream of stories about skiing, and her members' club, and all the launches she went to with the luxury PR company she worked for.

An hour in and Arthur was certain she didn't know where he lived, what he did, or what any of his interests were. She probably barely knew his name, and it didn't matter how much she flicked her hair or pouted: he just couldn't bring himself to find her interesting.

'Oh god, sorry,' he yelped, as his phone buzzed aggressively in his pocket. He pulled it out: Merlin.

'I'm so sorry but I've locked myself out. And it's pouring with rain. And I'm cold.'

'Fuck,' he muttered, whilst smiling secretly. 'I'll be there in twenty minutes.'

'I'm so sorry Vivian but I've got to go. I've just sub-let a room in my flat to someone and he's locked himself out and there's no spare key. This was lovely, thanks.' He air-kissed her again and then with a rueful wave left. She didn't look particularly bothered.

***

'You are an absolute beauty,' he grabbed Merlin and planted a smacker on his lips. Merlin looked shocked.

'What did I-?'

'Date from hell. I was dying inside, and then you call and give me the perfect excuse. You are my new favourite person.'

He let a wet, shivering, Merlin in. 'I'll have to get a spare key cut if you do this regularly.'

'Might be an idea, fuck I'm cold,' Merlin bolted upstairs, re-emerging minutes later in his pyjamas with a towel round his shoulders and his hair sticking up at all angles. All he needed was a teddy-bear to complete the picture. Arthur wanted to pinch his cheeks but instead handed him a steaming cup of tea. 

'Want to order chinese?' he asked.

'Nah, I like cooking. I thought I'd make us some pasta?'

'You serious?' Arthur asked. First breakfast, now _this_? Morgana had cooked for him once in the whole time they'd lived together. And it had been shit, some wholewheat crap which tasted of old socks. He wondered idly if she'd done it on purpose to stop him asking her to cook in future. Probably.

'Yeah, as long as you give me half the money. I quite fancy some pasta puttanesca.'

'Brilliant, and garlic bread?' he asked hopefully.

'Of course.'

'Look, you sit down and warm up first, you choose what you want to watch.' Arthur couldn't help grinning to himself, this was brilliant. He was genuinely glad that the Bulgarian bikini model hadn't moved in. Then he thought of the vague arousal he'd felt all day and re-assessed that. Maybe she could have moved in on weekends and Merlin the rest of the time? Yeah, that would have worked.

'How was your day?' Merlin asked.

'Yeah, good,' Arthur said, surprising himself. 'One of my, um, colleagues, is a bit tricky to work with, and he, um, _she_ was quite nice today.' He didn't want to get drawn into any details of what he did. The only person who knew about the erotica and 'Lake Anders-gate' was bloody Leon and that was enough. He'd die if, say, Gwen found out, or, or, Morgana. He started sweating at the thought. 'She's quite mean to me, disagrees with all my thoughts on manuscripts, really officious, that kind of thing.'

'Sounds tough,' said Merlin, slurping away. 'I'd hate that. That's the good thing about what I do - it's freelance so no one winding me up all day! It gets a bit lonely at times, though, that's the downside. I work from home most of the time so I try and get out to the library or Costa for a bit, even though I do run the risk of being 'that dickhead with a laptop'.'

Arthur laughed, 'Yeah, I can imagine it's lonely. Must be quite nice for a bit though, and good money? That's what I miss about law. My bloody date tonight asked for a glass of expensive champagne and... I'm not who I used to be. Not just money-wise, but my interests as well, the places I go. My mate Leon says I'm nicer now, but I'd be happy being nicer, with a bit more cashish.'

'Yeah, it's cool being able to afford nice things now, we never could when I was a kid.' He looked down at his pyjamas ruefully, 'Not that you'd know I make decent money from what I look like! I'm saving for a house though, every spare penny goes there. It's why I work so hard, I've always got that goal in mind. I'd love to have my own place one day.'

'Well I'm enjoying the company so far,' Arthur said, flicking over to the football. 'I thought I was going to fucking hate living with a stranger. But you're cool.'

'Cheers,' Merlin clinked mugs with him. 'And on that note, let's get cooking. You can be sous-chef.'

Maybe if it was someone else Arthur would have told him to fuck off but he liked Merlin, liked the casual intimacy they'd built up so easily already. 'Yeah, sure, I can chop.'

***

The pasta was delicious and Arthur decreed he'd add anchovies to everything if he could, which made Merlin laugh.

'Even porridge?'

'Yep.'

'Chocolate mousse?'

'Definitely.'

'A roast dinner?'

'Um, okay, maybe not that far.'

'We should set up some rules,' Merlin said, after he'd wiped his mouth and stopped laughing.

'Like what?' Arthur asked, his mind immediately drawn back to the proposal he'd read earlier.

'Like who does the washing up, when we can have people to stay over, if we share milk, that kind of thing.'

'Cool. Vac the house and do kitchen and bathroom each week? I'm cool if you want your boyfriend over, though can we make it a max of three nights a week please, no smoking in the house, do your washing up each night, no noisy sex.'

'None?' Merlin teased, pretending to pout. 

'Um, you've got sauce by your mouth,' Arthur pointed out. He swallowed.

'Oh,' Merlin poked his tongue out. 'Have I got it?'

'No, you, here,' Arthur reached over and thumbed the corner of Merlin's mouth. He let his thumb linger longer than he should have done, felt how full it was. 'Um, there you go,' he pulled back suddenly.

Merlin didn't say anything, but his eyes were very wide. He licked his lips again. Arthur looked away.

'So, any more rules?' Merlin asked. 'Apart from no noisy sex?'

'Nah, can't think of any,' Arthur said. 'None at all.' But his mind was suddenly full of them. It was very lucky, he told himself sternly, that Merlin wasn't his type. Too skinny by far. He didn't like men who looked indie, or sweet, or who wore striped pyjamas. He liked them as bulky as he was. Rugby players. Big guys. He shook his head. 'I think that's enough rules for now, mate. Want to watch some TV?'

'Yeah, cool,' Merlin smiled. He stretched as he got up and his shirt revealed several inches of pale stomach and narrow hips. Arthur's mouth went dry.

Stupid fucking book proposal, putting ideas in his head. And stupid fucking _Lake_. He shook his head and ambled through to the lounge. In his head he gave himself one more rule, 'Don't start to fancy your roommate, you complete twat.'

There, that ought to do it, and he settled himself in the football, and tried not to look at Merlin all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The term 'stet' is a proofreading term which means 'let it stand'. If an editor changes something and the author disagrees they will write 'stet' and their reasoning. 'Stet wars' can get quite nasty.


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur didn’t really see Merlin much over the weekend, which he found strangely disappointing. The slight disappointment was compounded by knowing that Merlin was with his boyfriend, who Arthur had hated instantly upon hearing about him. It wasn’t that Arthur had always been an angel when it came to relationships, but he had never made someone feel shit about their appearance, or cheated on them. He’d slept around a lot, but he’d always been honest. He couldn’t imagine how crap it would feel – living every day feeling like you weren’t good enough. Okay, scratch that, he could imagine how it would feel, having grown up with his Dad.

Maybe that was why he’d developed such a strong reaction against Merlin’s boyfriend. Because it stirred up all those old issues. And Arthur much preferred to avoid thinking about said issues, and instead focus on thinking about uncomplicated things. Like sport.

So instead of thinking, Arthur spent the weekend watching football with Leon, playing football with Leon, and sinking pints with Leon after football.

‘Can’t believe you ran out on Vivian, mate,’ Leon said, when they were four pints down after their victory over the Wimbledon Wanderers.

‘I should be the one having a go at you for making me go out with her in the first place,’ Arthur flicked a peanut at Leon for effect. It missed. By some distance.

‘What? She’s blonde and pretty,’ Leon shrugged.

‘And snobby, and shallow, and a massive name-dropper.’

Leon laughed.

‘What?’

‘Blond, pretty,’ he ticked things off on his fingers, ‘snobby, shallow and a massive name-dropper? Sounds like you two years ago.’

‘Oh fuck off,’ Arthur said, around a mouthful of peanuts. ‘That’s not me any more.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ Leon agreed. ‘I’m glad.’

‘You’ve been friends with me since we were four, I can’t have been that bad?’ Arthur grumbled.

‘You’ll always be my best mate, but you did go through a few years of thinking you were god’s gift that were painful to say the least. I think you did the right thing leaving your Dad’s company, it gave you a chance to get out from his shadow. His frankly, deeply unpleasant shadow.’

Arthur shuddered, ‘I feel a bit sick when I think of some of the cases he took on. Some of the people he represented. It was immoral.’

‘See, you’ve changed, I don’t think you knew what the word ‘immoral’ meant two years ago.’

Arthur smiled, ‘Well where has my new-found morality got me? Poor and bullied, working on porn for a living.’

‘At least it’s ‘on’ porn rather than ‘in’ porn,’ Leon pointed out. 

‘Yeah, though at least if I was in porn I’d actually be having sex.’

‘On that note, how’s the new roommate shaping up? Seduced her yet?’

‘‘She’ is actually a ‘he’ it turns out. Morgana told me I’d be getting an underwear model. What I got was some scruffy writer who looks about twelve years old.’

‘That’s wank,’ Leon grimaced. ‘Is he a better roommate than Morgana though? Not that that’d be difficult. She might be fit as fuck but god she’s a nightmare. Do you remember the time she agreed to dog-sit two Great Danes without telling you and they shat on your bed?’

‘Yes, Leon, strangely enough I do remember that. I was in it at the time.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘He’s a nice guy actually, he’s already cooked for me twice, and he’s clean and tidy. Can’t really ask for more than that.’

‘Is he fit?’ Leon asked, carefully. Not many people knew that Arthur sometimes dated men. Well, ‘dated’ was probably dressing it up a bit too much. He sometimes ‘shagged’ men, ‘was sucked off by men’, or ‘engaged in some excited frotting’ with men. Dating? Not so much.

‘Nah, he’s not really my type,’ Arthur said. ‘Skinny, looks a bit gawky.’ Then he felt a bit disloyal suddenly, like a pang in his stomach, and thought about Merlin’s boyfriend. ‘He’s got really beautiful eyes though,’ he said, deliberately looking anywhere but Leon’s face.

‘Oh yeah?’ he sounded amused.

‘Yeah and I don’t know, there’s something… interesting about his face. Like if you caught him in the right light he’d actually be pretty fit.’

‘Interesting,’ Leon said, non-committal. ‘So definitely not your type at all. Just beautiful eyes, fit face, interesting-looking?’

‘No seriously, mate, I’d never go there, trust me,’ Arthur looked earnest. ‘He has a boyfriend anyway. Some complete tool.’

‘Oh?’ there was a knowing smile playing around Leon’s lips.

‘Oh fuck off, Leon, I’m not saying he’s a tool because I’m _jealous_ , it’s because he cheated on Merlin and told him he likes his personality but isn’t that attracted to him.’

‘You’re right, he is a tool,’ Leon winced. ‘I’d be gutted if Sophia said she didn’t fancy me and just ‘liked my personality’.’

‘Don’t worry Leon,’ Arthur said, ‘it’s unlikely anyone will ever like you for your personality.’

‘Fuck off!’

‘I deserve a medal for putting up with you for over twenty years,’ he continued. ‘Goodness knows how Sophia’s stood it for one.’

Leon smiled at the mention of her, ‘Our anniversary’s coming up in a week. I don’t know what to get her.’

‘I can recommend a lot of erotica,’ Arthur said, swigging his pint. ‘Seriously, _a lot_. ‘The King’s Virgin Bride’, ‘Anal Idol’, ‘The Prince and the Pornstar’, you name your poison.’

Leon wrinkled his nose, ‘Seriously? What about the ones your nemesis writes? ‘Danny Does Dallas’ or whatever?’

‘Ugh, Lake has written about 60 books, all filthier than the last. Though I think we had a breakthrough on Friday,’ Arthur looked smug. ‘He sent me a nice email! And his new book doesn’t involve orgies, truncheons or whips.’

‘Hooray,’ Leon clinked his glass against Arthur’s. ‘To no more orgies, truncheons or whips.’

‘I’ll drink to that.’

Both of them stayed up far too late drinking. Leon because Sophia was away and Arthur bullied him into doing it; Arthur because in his mind the later he stayed up on the Sunday night, then the less likely it was that Monday would ever come. 

But come Monday did, and with it a stinking hangover.

'Is it too late for New Year's resolutions?' he asked Merlin morosely, over porridge the next morning.

'Well, it's February so... kind of, yeah,' Merlin supplied helplessly, offering Arthur a spoon of honey. 'But better late than never.'

'Well mine are going to be to start drinking less. Especially on Sunday nights. Especially on Sunday nights when I have a massive edit ahead of me.'

'Ooh, what are you working on?' Merlin asked, smearing marmite liberally all over his burnt toast.

'Oh, just this um, historical fiction thing. Very serious. Like _Gladiator_ but with more politics.' Arthur hoped his avoidance of eye contact didn't give away the fact that he was telling more lies than Pinocchio right now.

'And less animatronics?' Merlin asked.

'Ha, yeah, no dead actors involved. Anyway,' he tried furiously to change the subject, 'did you make any New Year's resolutions?'

'What an odd question,' Merlin blinked owlishly. 'I feel like I'm speed-dating or something. Hmm, well, I made a couple.' He bit into his toast. 'Go to the gym more, which I haven't done. Get some self respect, which, um, I haven't done. Have more sex. Which I have done, but it only makes me feel worse about 1) and make me want to get some more 2).'

Arthur smiled half-heartedly. 'So does this boyfriend of yours have any good qualities?'

'God yeah, loads,' Merlin protested, spraying crumbs everywhere. 'He's so talented, and we can stay up til the wee hours just talking and talking and he's just... gorgeous,' he sighed. He practically clasped his hands to his chest and swooned. Gross.

'Yeah, well, still don't think he's good enough for you,' Arthur said.

'Oh god, are you going to be really awkward when he comes round?' Merlin asked.

'Like how?' Arthur knew exactly what he meant. And yes, he had _ev-er-y_ intention of being really awkward when he came round. Super awkward. The Lord Mayor of Awkwardtown if you will.

'You know, be all grunt-y and rude and make really pointed comments. Like if he asks what is on TV you'll be like: 'nothing, just _Cheaters_ ' and give him a really pointed look.' Merlin demonstrated said pointed look. 'Or, or, he'll be like 'fancy a game of cards?' and you'll say 'why don't we play a game of CHEAT.' Merlin reared back from the table looking horribly worried.

Arthur noted both suggestions inwardly as 'good ideas: to use if poss.' 'Nah, mate,' he said out loud, 'I'll be cool as a cucumber.' 

'Hmm, well, he's away filming Hollyoaks this week.'

Arthur snorted, 'Hollyoaks?'

Merlin looked cross, 'It's just a small part - a fireman - but he has three lines and it could turn into something more.'

'Sure,' Arthur said, sounding anything but. 'Suuuuuuuure.' He rolled the word around his mouth like a particularly delightful wine until Merlin developed two spots of colour on his cheek.

'You are very annoying, Pendragon,' he said.

'Yeah,' Arthur shrugged, spooning down his porridge and honey at a rate of knots. 'So Leon tells me. Although, I am apparently significantly less annoying than I used to be when I was a lawyer.'

'I bet you used to drive a big blue BMW and frequent Stringfellow's,' Merlin said.

'Porsche, and Spearmint Rhino, actually,' he said.

'Gross. You must have been a right dick.'

'Yep,' Arthur agreed, unruffled. He stood up from the breakfast table. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, unlike _some_ , I have a real job to go to. See you later?'

'I've got a deadline so probably not much of me,' Merlin said. 'I get a bit nocturnal and weird. I only skulk from my room at 5am to forage for food. I've just got so many bloody words to get down, never mind in the right order.'

'What's the book on?' Arthur asked, idly, picking his coat up.

'Oh, um,' Merlin looked uncomfortable.

'Is it like, some really right-wing text-book? Or, or, god, a _sex manual_?' Arthur asked with glee.

'No!' Merlin yelped. 'Fucking hell. It's a celebrity autobiography and I've signed an NDA.'

'Cheryl Cole,' Arthur fired off.

Merlin was silent.

'Ooh, Simon Cowell?'

Nothing.

'Tulisa?'

Merlin broke at that, 'Stop naming X Factor judges! And I'm not telling you anyway. Fuck off to work and I'll see you at the weekend.'

'Fine, see you later, spoil-sport.'

***

Work that day was spent knee-deep in edits for 'Boarding-School Orgy'.

Structural editing was hard at the best of times, but structurally editing _porn_ was bloody difficult.

'You alright, my boy?' There was a hand on his shoulder and Arthur leaped a mile.

'Bloody hell, sorry Gaius, you frightened me.' He hastily minimised the screen.

'Ooh,' Gaius peered closer. 'Don't close the window on my account. Looks like young Smythes was about to get a _much needed_ caning.'

Arthur laughed, 'Editing erotica poses unique challenges.'

'That it does,' he agreed. 'Did it myself when I started out. All the old 'Red Lace' titles were mine. I even turned my hand to writing some to pay the bills.' He sat down on Arthur's desk.

'And now you're publishing director,' Arthur sighed, 'editing numerous number one bestsellers.'

'Exactly,' he smiled. 'So there's hope for you yet. Work hard, perform well, and keep doing what you're doing - there will be rewards.' He patted Arthur's shoulder. 'Now you'd better get back to Smythes. He really was desperate for that punishment.' And he ambled off, bow-tie askew as ever.

Arthur laughed, then grinned. Gaius was one of the best in the business, and he'd started out on erotica too? That was pretty cool.

He flicked back to 'Boarding-School Orgy'. Young Smythes was getting a hearty caning from the headmaster Mr Oakley. 

_Smythes' dark hair flopped in his blue eyes, his back arching as he cried out._

_'More, Smythes?' Mr Oakley asked, his arms folded, the only thing disrupting his cool facade the hard cock throbbing within his suit trousers._

_'Please, no,' Smythes whimpered, entreating him._

_'Do you want me to kiss it better?' Oakley asked, darkly. And without waiting for an answer he bent to his task, tongue flickering out over the abused flesh._

_Both jumped as a cough sounded from the doorway. Browning and Alton stood there, both naked, with heavy erections jutting from between their legs. Alton was carrying a paddle._

_'Care for some company?' he asked._

Jesus _Christ_ , Arthur thought, mopping his brow. Where did Lake even come up with this stuff? Arthur found himself wondering what he was like. Probably a virgin, in his forties, overweight, and living with his mother somewhere unsavoury like... Slough or Coventry or something. Or he was some middle-aged guy who'd shagged his way around the world. That was probably more plausible given the detail and sheer breadth of ideas Lake came up with.

Speak of the devil: 'From: lake.anders@gmail.com Subject: RE: Rules for Roommates'

'Hi Arthur,

Looking forward to those editorial notes to 'Boarding-School Orgy'. I have started 'Rules for Roommates' in the meantime. I am finding it most enjoyable to write! It is rather different from a lot of my material. But perhaps the better for it.

Look forward to your thoughts on BSO,  
Lake'

That was friendlier than normal, Arthur thought, and then, as if possessed by the devil, he typed out a flippant response.

'Dear Lake,

Much looking forward to more of RfR. I think it could be your best yet.

I am mostly done with the re-edit. Alton has just entered with a paddle so we are nearing the climax of the piece, so to speak.

All best,  
Arthur'

He hit send before he could regret it and then spent the next hour alternately sweating and sniggering until he got his response.

'Arthur, You have a sense of humour, Mr Stuart? I must say I'm surprised. But pleasantly so. I hope you enjoy the re-write of my final scene. At your request I got rid of three of the dildos, but I did add in a cricket bat and stumps. Hope that's not a problem. -L.'

Arthur started laughing then. Properly. And even though he turned slightly green at the final scene (I mean, _really_ it just Was Not Cricket to use the equipment that way) he found that the day went by a lot quicker than normal.

***

By Thursday Arthur was really missing Merlin's company. True to his word he hadn't seen hide nor hair of him and for all of his talk about 'hating not living alone any more' he found himself really wanting the company. He played squash with a couple of Uni mates, had dinner with an ex-girlfriend, and beasted through a load of edits, but he felt a bit lonely in the evenings.

The only sign that Merlin was still alive was the fact that cheese kept going missing from the fridge. And unless the mice in West Hampstead had developed opposable thumbs he suspected that Merlin was to blame.

He gave in on Friday night at around eight o'clock and texted him, not wanting to disturb him upstairs, 'If you are still alive, please knock twice on the floor.'

Moments later he heard the knocks and smiled.

'If you want to come down and share the delicious curry I am going to make knock three times.'

He didn't hear the knocks but he did hear Merlin crashing happily down the stairs. He looked like shit. Pale, big black rings under his eyes, and he was wearing a horrible old tracksuit.

'Well, you look like a school athletics coach, don't you now?' he laughed. 'Well, an ex school athletics coach who has fallen on hard times and is now a junkie,' he corrected himself.

Merlin grimaced, 'Do I look that bad?'

'Yep, you do,' Arthur said honestly. 'Skinnier than ever, I'm going to feed you up tonight!' then he winced as he realised what he'd said.

'Percy's home tomorrow and he's going to _hate_ it,' Merlin fretted.

'Well, _Percy_ can fuck off back to Hollyoaks and take his old-man name with him. The only Percies _I_ like are Percy Pigs. And as I doubt he's sweet and made of gelatine, I have no interest.'

Merlin still looked forlorn. Arthur put an arm round him awkwardly, 'Look mate, good meal and a good sleep and you'll look perfect. He won't be able to keep his hands off you.'

Merlin laughed, just a bit, but it made Arthur happy and he squeezed him again, enjoying how slight Merlin felt against him. 'Fuck, I haven't hugged anyone in _ages_ ,' Arthur said. 'I think I've forgotten how.'

'That's tragic,' Merlin breathed looking up at him, and then he'd turned in his arms and was squeezing Arthur back. 'Everyone needs a good hug at least once a week. There's no shame in that.' He rested his head on Arthur's shoulder for a moment and Arthur fought the - frankly insane - urge to smell his hair. Patted him gingerly on the back instead and moved away. 

'I'm such a sad case, requesting hugs off my tenant? What next? A fiver for a handjob? Ha. Ha.' His laughter was awkward. He looked at Merlin's long fingers then looked away determinedly, 'Right, the kitchen! Chopping time! Those chillies won't chop themselves.'

Merlin sloped behind him, 'Lead on Macduff.'

'Ooh, Shakespeare, _fancy_. Bet Mark Owen won't let you put that in his autobiography?' he guessed.

'It's not Mark Owen. Now shut up.'

***

Late that night, when Arthur was in bed, faffing around on his iPad (the one luxury hanging over from his lawyer days), he saw he'd had an email from Lake at eight o'clock, just after he'd left the office.

'Dear Arthur,

Please find attached the first chapter of Rules for Roommates.

I hope you enjoy it.

Have a good weekend.

Kind regards,  
Lake'

Arthur toyed with not opening it, it was a weekend after all, but he sort of _wanted_ to open it.

The first scene introduced the main characters. James was an investment banker, public school type, whose girlfriend Camilla had just moved out. Harry was a teacher who had a penchant for falling for straight men who couldn't love him back. Harry had vaguely known James for years, and fancied him for ages, but James seemed oblivious to him. Worst of all, he seemed slightly bigoted, and Harry worried that he couldn't admit his sexuality.

Hmm, it was much more romantic than the stuff Lake normally wrote, Arthur thought, reading on.

Harry wanted desperately to impress James but James seemed not to be bothered at all. Then Harry fell asleep on the sofa after a late night and woke up to find James had covered him in a blanket. It was a small gesture but it gave him hope.

Arthur closed the word document and smiled to himself. It was actually rather lovely. Then he caught himself. Lovely? Lake Anders's porn was _not_ lovely! Morally dubious? Yes. Ludicrously unrealistic? Of course. But 'lovely'? Never.

Arthur shook his head, settling down to go to sleep. God, he really needed to find a girlfriend. He needed some outlet for sex, and affection, and... hugs. He thought about Merlin hugging him earlier and despite himself he smiled, snuggled down into the sheets. He'd actually quite enjoyed it.

In Arthur's dreams that night Merlin wasn't the pirate king, he was Smythes from 'Boarding-School Orgy'. Naked, on his hands and knees, coyly looking over his shoulder at Arthur. 'More, please,' he begged.

Arthur woke the next morning sweaty, and confused, and with an aching boner. 'No more hugging,' he decided. 'That's got to be a new rule until I get my libido under control.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Merlin/Percival and Arthur/Gwaine but it's sort of just window-dressing for the main Merlin/Arthur event.

It had been three weeks since they had moved in together and Arthur _still_ hadn't met Percy. Oh, he'd heard a lot about him though. More than enough to last several lifetimes, thank you very much.

There was the casual mentioning of his name at every spare moment.

'Oi do you want some tea?' Arthur would ask, boiling the kettle.

Merlin would blush, look off into the distance, 'Percy likes tea.'

Then there were the constant references to Percy's acting talent.

'Bloody hell Meryl Streep's good in this,' Arthur had exclaimed, finally giving in and watching _Kramer vs. Kramer_ with Merlin. 'And Dustin Hoffman's amazing.'

'Yeah,' Merlin said, 'they're alright. Some have said they see shades of Hoffman in Percy's performances.' He shrugged, as if he wasn't bothered, but looked like he'd burst with pride. 'I mean, maybe it's not true but... you know, just thought I'd mention it.'

'What, shades of Hoffman as Fireman Number Seven in Hollyoaks?' Arthur had muttered to himself.

There were also comparisons between himself and Percy that he could do without, such as the time Arthur had been mugged. Some pikey twat - all of nineteen - had threatened him in an underpass in Hammersmith and demanded his wallet. Arthur had been terrified and had decided the path of least resistance was the best. The guy had looked crazed, and it wasn't worth putting up a fight.

Merlin had been beside himself with worry, offering to do everything from calling _Crimestoppers_ and offering to stage a re-enactment on television to catch the guy, to cooking Arthur a full roast dinner and apple crumble. _On a Thursday night_.

But then there had been the throwaway comment, 'It's just a shame Percy wasn't there.'

'And why's that?' Arthur had asked. 'What would he have done? Put the guy down about his looks until he buggered off to therapy rather than mug me? Ha.'

'No, silly,' Merlin had laughed, topping up Arthur's tea. 'But he's absolutely massive and he is an amateur boxer. He's not the kind of guy you pick on.'

Arthur had bristled, 'So what? I'm so weedy it's no surprise I got mugged.'

'Oh no, I didn't mean _that_ ,' Merlin looked very upset at the thought of it. 'But honestly, he could easily have protected you from him.'

And finally, there were the moments that killed him the most. The moments when it was _so obvious_ to Arthur that Percy was deliberately needling Merlin about his appearance, but he seemed deeply oblivious.

Like the time Merlin had consumed so much tuna Arthur had seriously considered warning him about mercury poisoning. 

'Just filling up on protein - Percy says it's good for me,' Merlin had said, around his fifth tin of the day.

Or, 'Percy's worried about my resting heartrate. He thinks I should take care of myself more - go to the gym, work out, try and get my heart healthier.'

'If he was worried about your _heart_ he wouldn't be such a dick about how you look,' Arthur had muttered, ignoring Merlin's affronted surprise.

'Oh no, he doesn't mean it like that, he just cares about my health.'

Arthur wanted to argue with him more, to tell him that he could do better, but there was no point. As Arthur well knew, when someone's in love, it doesn't matter how much you tell them they're being an idiot - they just can't see it.

Still, it didn't stop Arthur from fantasising about verbally destroying Percy, or threatening him if he ever hurt Merlin again. The Percy in Arthur's head wasn't the nicest of guys. He imagined him weedy - despite the claims about his boxing prowess - with a slightly weaselly set to his face. He also thought he'd use a lot of hair-gel and have a really whiny voice. He probably lived in Shoreditch and rode a fixie bike and wore skinny jeans. Arthur could easily have him.

So when Merlin 'casually' dropped in to conversation that Percy was finally going to stay over, Arthur wasn't best-pleased.

Merlin had obviously tried to butter Arthur up first. He'd specifically asked if Arthur was going to be in that Friday night and even though he had had plans with the footie lads, Arthur had cancelled. He told himself it was because he was 'tired' and needed to drink less. But deep down it was because try as he might, these days there were few things that he enjoyed more than spending an evening with Merlin. Sure, he was lanky, and awkward looking, and probably got I.D.ed buying _paracetamol_ but he was also funny, and kind, and interesting.

That night Merlin had baked an elaborate feast of cakes and cookies 'just because', opened a bottle of really expensive rioja and made beef wellington for dinner. Who eats beef wellington _for dinner_ outside of a dinner party? No one, that's who. So Arthur was instantly on his guard as to what exactly it was that Merlin wanted.

'How was your day?' Merlin asked eagerly, pouring Arthur a large glass. He was doing everything but offering Arthur a back-rub. Which wouldn't have gone amiss.

'Yeah, good,' Arthur said. Actually it had been very good. Two of his books had been nominated for awards in the Romantic Novelists' Association yearly prize-giving, and Gaius had patted him on the back and told him how well he was doing again today. Plus he'd heard via Leon that Morgana had got dysentery in India whilst 'finding herself'. Ha. 

Lake Anders had also gone very quiet. On one level he was disappointed that there had been no more updates on 'Rules for Roommates' but on the other hand it was a relief that he didn't have to deal with any weird feelings being stirred up with Merlin. And it was nice to be able to get on with other, less demanding authors who didn't write about blacksmiths being anally fisted and then branded on the arse with a horse-shoe. Obviously he couldn't share any of this with Merlin so he just said, 'Got a lot done, had some good meetings. You know.'

'Not really,' Merlin said ruefully. 'I don't have meetings really. It's just me, writing away. My only contact is over email with my editors and stuff and that's not much fun.'

'Why, d'you not like them?'

'Oh,' Merlin looked away, 'just work differences. Some of them are fine but then there's a personality clash with one of them. She just doesn't get what I write. It gets frustrating, I mean, how can she judge me when she's obviously coming from a completely different angle to me? We've got on a bit better lately though.' He looked a bit embarrassed to be talking about it.

'Gordon Brown's autobiography going down well?' Arthur hazarded a guess as he took a sip of the wine. Fuck, it really was good.

'It's not Gordon Brown,' Merlin huffed. He sat back on his heels and then grinned at Arthur. Arthur felt a wave of fondness swell inside him and quashed it furiously. But it was hard. Merlin looked so... sweet. Like a puppy, all eager and huggable. And he'd made Arthur _dinner_. Living with him was almost like having a partner again. Only, without the sex. He frowned. He was not going to think like this. 

Merlin frowned too, 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing, just... remembered a deadline.'

'Oh, right,' Merlin got up and picked up the wine. 'More?'

'No,' Arthur looked at him quizzically. 'You poured my glass literally a minute ago. I'm twenty-eight, not, eighteen, I'm not going to down it in one.'

'Ha. Ha. Ha.' Merlin's laugh was awkward and forced.

'What is it, Merlin? Are you going to tell me you're pregnant or something?' Arthur deadpanned.

Merlin cracked a smile at that. 'No, I just wanted to ask, well, wanted to let you know, that Percy's going to be come to stay this weekend. Just for two nights. Which we agreed was okay, so, it is right? Okay?'

Arthur forced himself not to snap the stem of the wineglass. 'Yeah, yeah, fine.' He shrugged casually, breathed out slowly so he didn't jump up and yell 'NO' which was what he wanted to do. 'No skin off my nose. Just as long as you don't have any noisy sex.'

A blush crept up Merlin's neck out of his Sonic Youth T-shirt and scrawled over his cheeks. 'Gosh no, I promise. No sex. Well, no, we will have sex but-'

'Shut up, idiot,' Arthur interrupted him, trying desperately to stem the tide of images that threatened to erupt in his brain. 'It's fine.'

'And you're not going to be all, well, _weird_ with him?' Merlin asked desperately, clutching his wineglass to him like you would a security blanket.

'Nope, course not,' Arthur lied furiously, swirling his wine. 'Why would I be weird?'

'Because you're always going on about what a massive dickhead he is?' Merlin said. 'Because you said, and I quote, he sounds like a 'sleazy brainless bimbo' who 'needs to be taught a lesson'?'

Arthur blinked at that, 'Did I? When?'

'Last weekend, after we went to the dogs and opened that bottle of Gordon's.'

'Oh. Well, gin and dog-racing always makes me maudlin. And aggressive.' It didn't sound believable, even to his own ears.

'Well I wouldn't talk about teaching him a lesson. He's massive Arthur,' Merlin said, earnestly, leaning forward and resting a hand on his knee.

Arthur looked down at Merlin's hand on his leg. He could feel the contact really closely, as if he wasn't wearing anything at all, and had to stare to reassure himself that he did still have his chinos on. 'Um,' he shook his head, 'why, because he could snap me like a twig?'

'Well, _yes_ ,' Merlin said, looking entreatingly up at him.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or the fact that he hadn't got laid in months, but Merlin kneeling between his legs looking up at him in a begging way was starting to get to Arthur. He pushed him away and abruptly stood up, 'I'll be fine. Now, let's not talk about this any more. I'll go and, erm, get the beef out.'

Merlin looked at him, confused, his head tilted on one side. 'It only just went in, it won't be done for twenty minutes.'

'Oh,' he sat back down. 'Of course.'

'Are you feeling alright?' Merlin asked. 'You look a little flushed.'

'Fine, fine, I'm fine,' he protested. 'You know, just thinking about how I'm looking forward to meeting Percy.'

'Oh good,' Merlin sighed happily. 'Because he's a little worried about meeting you. You know - I'm living with a good-looking, single guy, of course he's going to get insecure. But I've told him that there's nothing to worry about. You're not my type, and I'm not yours. I lack breasts and a vagina for one thing,' Merlin sniggered.

'I'm not your type?' was all that Arthur could focus on. 

'Well, no,' Merlin admitted. 'You're very handsome, of course, but I like my men a little more rough around the edges.'

'What, like Phil Mitchell?' Arthur scoffed, offended.

'No, just... a bit dangerous.'

'Pfft,' Arthur sniffed. Then he focused on the second part of the statement. Merlin thought he was straight? He wondered why it surprised him. Most people - bar Morgana, Leon, and a select few - thought he was straight. 'I'm not though,' he said out loud, forgetting he'd started the sentence in his head.

'You're not what - dangerous?' Merlin asked. 'I know that. You're wearing _chinos_ for crying out loud.'

'No,' Arthur said slowly. Then, all in a rush, 'I'm not straight. I mean, you're not my type, and I only occasionally sleep with men but I have been known to. Um. Dabble,' he finished awkwardly.

'Oh,' Merlin retreated to the armchair, took a gulp of wine. 'Dabble?'

'I was straight until college. Then I met our rugby coach. Gwaine. Phenomenal hair,' he explained. 'I lost my mind,' he admitted, glad Leon wasn't here to hear him say it. 'I realised I like women. No seriously, I bloody love women. But men have their. Um. Attractive points too.'

Merlin didn't say anything, just finished steadily drinking his glass, as if it was a bottle of cheap Blossom Hill rather than £40 rioja.

'I hope it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable,' Arthur said, by way of a verbal nudge, when Merlin still didn't talk.

'Oh god no, no, don't be ridiculous,' Merlin exclaimed, a little _too_ enthusiastically. 'Just, you know, Percy will be all 'you said he was straight' and get all jealous and shit.'

'He's the cheater,' Arthur huffed.

'See, I _said_ you'd be weird.'

'I'll try not to be,' Arthur admitted. 'And that's the best I can do. Alright?'

'It'll have to be, I suppose,' Merlin said, adjusting the cuffs of his shirt and doing everything he could to avoid eye-contact.

***

At five the next morning Arthur's iPad buzzed angrily to let him know he'd got an email. 'Oh fucking hell, it's a _Saturday_ ,' he grumbled, and threw a cushion at it. Unsurprisingly, it had no effect, and it continued to buzz at intervals until he got up to switch it off, noting that the email was from Lake. He frowned. It was five am, what the fuck was Lake doing emailing him at that time? He shook his head, climbed back into bed, but he couldn't get to sleep and when he dozed off briefly it was to weird dreams where he was being buggered by a blacksmith. And _loving it_.

He woke up again at nine am, which was a frankly inhuman time to be awake, but he decided to give into it. He made himself a cuppa and a bagel and clambered back under the covers to read the email.

'Arthur,

Forgive the delay in delivering more of Rules for Roommates. Other deadlines caught me up, but I started writing briefly tonight and found myself unable to stop until the wee hours! I have attached the next three chapters. Enjoy. (I hope. No cricket bats. I promise.)

Warmest,  
Lake'

Arthur felt a thrill of anticipation, and then sternly told himself to calm down. 'Pendragons do _not_ thrill,' he barked. 'Or talk to themselves,' he added, sheepishly, before falling silent, hoping Merlin had not heard him.

Arthur began to read. James and Harry were getting on well, but Harry was still too frightened to tell James that he was gay, let alone that he was attracted to him. The problem was compounded by the fact that James kept bringing women home and acting in a really offensively macho way which bothered Harry. But equally, hearing James have sex just through the wall was getting to him and he found himself becoming aroused by James's grunts, by his sighs and moans.

Arthur stopped reading for a moment, finding himself wondering what it would be like when Percy came to stay. If he heard them having sex he knew that he'd be really angry, but he didn't want to niggle too closely at _why_ he'd be angry. He told himself that it would be because it was rubbing in the fact that he wasn't having sex but he wasn't entirely convinced that that was entirely true. And what would Merlin be like in bed? Noisy, probably, he thought. He'd probably get quite abandoned, really into it, unable to help himself moaning. Arthur blinked, shook his head as if to physically rid himself of these thoughts. He _really_ needed to have sex. That would stop him staring at everyone with renewed sexual interest. Fuck, even _Gaius_ was beginning to develop a bit of rakish charm in Arthur's eyes.

He went back to the manuscript. James and Harry were getting closer as friends and they started going swimming together. Harry was more drawn to James each day: he felt that he saw a side of him which others didn't. But there was the barrier of James's bigotry between them. Until the day that Harry borrowed James's laptop and found gay porn in the history. His heart stopped and he wondered if he was mistaken. But no, he had obviously browsed them in detail. Harry ended up watching one of the films. It was a lovingly described, very erotic scene where the two actors sucked each other off. Harry ended up masturbating over it, coming as the main character came in the mouth of a man who looked curiously like James. 

Arthur put his iPad down and willed his erection to _go the fuck away_. 'This is not healthy, or appropriate,' he told it. 'You are just bored of my hand, and eager for something more interesting. I will try my hardest to find it soon.' And then he realised that he had gone a step beyond talking to himself - he was conducting a monologue _at his own penis_. And he shut up.

Seriously, though, something had to give. He texted Leon. 'I am considering selling myself on the internet or putting up a card in a phone-box in Soho. I have not had sex for six months. Please send help.'

He got a text back within five minutes. 'Ha ha.' That was all it said. Then five minutes later: 'Sorry mate, stopped laughing now. Vivian thought you were fit and is always up for no-strings-attached according to Sophia. Or there's always Gwaine.'

Arthur thought about it. There _was_ always Gwaine. Uncomplicated, drunk, shiny-haired Gwaine. He texted him. 'Can I come over tonight?' It had been a year since they'd last spoken but Gwaine admired a man who went straight to the point. 'Yes. We'll watch the rugby highlights and shag. G.' Arthur couldn't help laughing with relief. Gwaine would solve everything. No more inappropriate erections over gay erotica, or _Merlin_. Speaking of whom, he could hear the frantic sounds of cleaning that obviously heralded the day that Percy arrived.

Arthur sighed, put the pillow over his ears and rolled back to sleep.

***

Arthur was out as much as possible that day, largely because Merlin was driving him crazy with his incessant cleaning. 'Our flat is already clean,' he had pointed out in what he thought was a reasonable way.

'What is _this_ then?' Merlin had pointed an aggressive finger in his face.

'Erm, your finger?' Arthur asked, confused.

'No, dust, dust! And Percy has a dust allergy!'

'Course he does,' Arthur snorted, mentally adjusting the picture he had of Percy to even smaller and weedier. Arthur had gone out for a walk, then a run, and had got back before dinner in time to shower and take an inordinate time picking out what to wear. Not because he cared what Percy thought of him, of course, but just to show good manners. And obviously for his visit to Gwaine's later on.

He settled on a polo-shirt which showed off his arms nicely, and a pair of cords that according to Gwen had given him 'an arse that wouldn't quit'. It was one of the first times he'd thought of Gwen without a pang of bitterness, he realised, startled. 

When the doorbell went he stayed in his room deliberately. After half an hour - he timed it - he sauntered down to the kitchen, whistling breezily. He stopped in the lounge as an afterthought, 'hey, just wanted to introduce my-' he broke off. 'Where's Percy?' he asked. Merlin was sprawled on the sofa, lips red from kissing. He looked dreamy. 'Just making a cuppa.'

'Oh,' Arthur felt wrong-footed. 'I was about to offer to make you one but-'

'No need mate,' the voice was a lot deeper than Arthur had expected. He turned round slowly, praying for skinny, and scrawny, and too much hair-gel.

No. Percy, for this must be him, looked like he'd walked off the set of _Gladiators_ and should be clad in lycra, about to take on the travelator. Arthur's eyes travelled up to the shaven head and piercing eyes, which were crinkled into a smile. 'You alright mate? I would shake hands but, I'm carrying tea here.'

'I can see that,' Arthur said. He swallowed. Seriously, his shoulders had to be _two metres_ wide. Arthur had a sudden mental image of taking him on on the set of _Gladiators_ and being literally pulverised with a padded ramrod. 'I'm Arthur, was just going to make a cuppa but I see you've sorted yourselves out.'

'Yeah, cheers,' Percy nodded, 'can I?'

Arthur moved out of the doorway so Percy could squeeze through. His muscles _literally rippled through his shirt_ when he walked. Arthur felt sick.

'Just having a quiet evening together,' he set the tea down and squeezed Merlin's thigh, dangerously high up. Arthur swallowed the urge to squeal 'get off him!' and instead said, 'Well, I'll leave you two to it. I've got a date so... I'll see you tomorrow.'

'Oh, with who?' Merlin looked interested, perturbed even, suddenly.

'Gwaine.'

'Rugby, great hair, lost your mind?' Merlin supplied helpfully.

'Yeah,' Arthur nodded stiffly. 'Anyway, nice to meet you Percy.' _Not_ , he added inwardly, in a deeply immature fashion.

'Yeah, you too,' he waved one (massive) hand. 'Have a good one.'

Arthur shut the lounge door behind him and leaned on it, breathing hard. Fucking hell. Percy was. Percy was. He was Herculean. He made Arthur feel like a delicate little ballerina.

'Gwaine, isn't that a man's name?' he heard Percy ask Merlin.

'No,' he heard Merlin lie. 'He said Gwyn. Anyway, you've got nothing to worry about.'

'I can see that,' Percy rumbled a laugh. 'I could snap him like a twig. Seems a nice guy, but a bit of a Sloaney fucker.'

And then Arthur decided that it really was true that eavesdroppers never heard anything good and stormed out of the house, vowing not to come back until he'd fucked whatever this _thing_ he was feeling was right out of his system.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some non-graphic Arthur/Gwaine but it's REALLY just white noise, I promise.

Arthur's mind was all over the place on his way to Gwaine's. Percy was nothing like he'd expected him to be. Literally, nothing at all. He found it hard to reconcile the picture in his head - checked shirt, skinny jeans, emo fringe - from the massive muscle-bound guy he'd actually met. His mind kept replaying the way he'd _touched_ Merlin, on his thigh, a gesture of utter possessiveness, and how Merlin had gone dazed and warm and happy. It made him feel a little bit queasy. He grimaced, then realised that there was a girl opposite him on the tube watching him, and he quickly pushed his face back into blankness. He caught her eye and smiled, she blushed a rosy red and looked away and he went back to his murderous thoughts.

Percy had seemed alright from what he'd seen. Well, apart from the 'Sloaney' comment which was deeply unfair - just because Arthur owned the odd gilet and had rather swooshy hair, it didn't mean he was a Sloane. 

But aside from that he'd done nothing untoward. Arthur had wanted him to be just so obviously odious that he was well within his rights to throw him from his house. But he'd seemed normal. Nice to Merlin, even. Slightly possessive but... he hadn't called Merlin anything insulting within his hearing. He'd just acted like an average boyfriend would.

His looks had also deeply disturbed Arthur. Arthur was used to being the best-looking man in a lot of situations. He was blessed with a good body, great bone structure, and very blue eyes. He saw no point in pretending otherwise and assuming a false modesty about it. Some people were naturally gifted at music, or at acting. He was better looking than average. That was his special skill. It had meant that losing his virginity was a doddle - despite the 'WanKing Arthur' nickname - and it had also meant that he had never been short of willing sexual partners throughout University or his working life. But _Percy_? He was pretty fit. And pretty fucking massive. He could probably throw Arthur across the room with one arm. For the first time Arthur found himself wishing Percy _had_ been there when he was mugged.

And the thing Arthur kept coming back to, above and beyond everything else, was why exactly he was bothered by how Percy looked. He could write off his anger at Percy to the fact that Merlin was a good mate and he wanted to look out for him. But why was he so bothered that Percy was bigger than him, more Merlin's _type_ than him? Because it wasn't like Merlin was _Arthur's_ type was it? Despite Leon's insinuations to the contrary. He'd only had sex with a handful of men - well, four to be precise - since Gwaine had opened his eyes to his enjoyment of the male form. And compared to the amount of women he had slept with - a rather shameful twenty five - that was nothing. And all of them had been remarkably similar looks-wise. In fact, the worst part of the whole Percy thing is that in another situation, Arthur would probably have gone home with him. And yes Merlin had adorable blue eyes, an incredibly infectious laugh, and an interesting mouth but really, he just wasn't the sort of man that Arthur went for normally.

He shook his head, getting off the tube at Camden, and weaving his way through tramps, tourists and punks, getting more and more irritated with every person who stepped in his way. He didn't really understand why the fuck people lived in Camden. All it had was market tat and a surfeit of cheap pubs. Okay, the latter explained why Gwaine lived there at least.

He rang the doorbell for Gwaine's flat and he answered the door barefoot with jeans on, just pulling a T-shirt over his head. 'I doubt I'll wear it for long, but I thought we'd keep up appearances for five minutes at least,' he winked lasciviously.

The knot in Arthur's stomach immediately loosened and he found himself laughing. Gwaine pulled him through the door and gave him a manly hug with a lot of back-slapping followed with a long, wet kiss. That was one of the things Arthur had always liked about Gwaine: the fact that he could destroy you at rugby but could equally do some truly spectacular things with his tongue. Gwaine let his hand tangle in Arthur's hair then pulled away a little. 'It's very soft, what are you using?'

'Um, just Head & Shoulders.'

Gwaine pursed his lips, weighed this up, 'Interesting. Now get in you big lump, there's rugby, beers, pizza and sex awaiting you.' 

Arthur grinned, 'You're such easy company.'

'Because I'm so easy you mean?' Gwaine laughed, heading into his tiny kitchen and re-emerging with two chilled bottle of Heineken. 'Because actually, I'm not that easy. I am where you're concerned of course, but we have history.'

'Yeah, I know,' Arthur clinked his bottle against Gwaine's, took a greedy sip. Arthur had been an uber-heterosexual, aggressively skirt-chasing public school twat when he first met Gwaine. He'd been an undergraduate at Jesus college at Cambridge and had been on the rugby team. Gwaine had been a post-graduate doing a doctorate in Engineering. Arthur could still remember the first time he'd seen him and the feeling of confusing lust that had punched him in the stomach. He'd spent two terms pretending he didn't feel a thing until Gwaine turned up at his room after a match one night with a bottle of whiskey and Arthur ended up going down on him whilst Gwaine's fingers clenched on his shoulders. 

'I remember the first time you let me put my dick inside you,' Gwaine sighed, as if reminiscing about something incredibly romantic like a first 'I love you'. 'There you were, all regal and posh and snobby, and you came apart under my tongue.' He smiled at the memory, then waggled his eyebrows in a highly suggestive manner.

Arthur flushed, busied himself with taking off his jacket. 'Yeah, well, I'd never expected to fancy a man.'

'I've turned a lot of men,' Gwaine said, quite seriously. 'Have you seen those terrible Lynx adverts? Where girls smell the aftershave and just fall in lust?'

Arthur nodded. Of course he had. Only fourteen year olds wore the stuff, though. The smell of Lynx reminded him irresistibly of the changing rooms at school in fourth form.

'It's like that with me and straight men. Like I give off some kind of natural... musk, if you will.'

Arthur burst out laughing then, 'You're so fucking arrogant.'

'Yeah,' Gwaine wasn't even remotely offended. 'I am. I was surprised to get your text, you know. Not because many can resist me for long,' he flexed a bicep, 'but last I heard you'd shacked up with a girl.'

Arthur waited for the pain that typically came when someone mentioned Gwen but it was only notable for its absence. 'I was going out with a girl but she broke up with me. She's moved in with Lance now.'

Gwaine whistled, 'Lance stole your girlfriend?'

'He didn't really, if I'm honest,' Arthur admitted. 'We weren't really working. I can't blame him for picking up the pieces.' Even though, at the time, he had. Bitterly. Including violent voicemails left at 3am that promised serious retribution. Lance was too nice to ever mention them, which was even more annoying. 'What about you?'

'Still single, still playing the field,' Gwaine lounged back against the sofa. 'I just don't think I was born to be tamed.'

'You're a joke of a man,' Arthur laughed.

'I am that. But what does that make you for coming back?' Gwaine flicked the television on, not waiting for an answer. Which was good, because Arthur didn't know what he'd have said.

***

It was over pizza and their fourth pints that conversation turned to their latest conquests. Gwaine was horrified to learn that there really hadn't been any for a while.

'But you were a shagging legend at Cambridge!' He wiped a string of greasy cheese from his chin. 'What's happened? Is it love?' He spat the word out like naming a particularly nasty STD.

Arthur wrinkled his nose. 'No. I don't think I've ever been in love, you know,' he said carefully.

'What about your ex-girlfriend? You moved in with her,' Gwaine pointed out.

'I think I loved the idea of her,' Arthur started systematically picking mushrooms off the pizza, mostly to give himself something to do with his hands. 'She was really kind, and funny, and a good person, and she was the kind of person you _should_ love. But we didn't have that...'

'That pull to each other?' Gwaine supplied. 'I've had it before, but only on a sexual level. Remember?'

Arthur flushed, remembering the third term of his second year where he'd spent most of it being shagged in Gwaine's room, the laundry room, behind the gym, the showers... 'I've had lust like that. But that feeling where you're totally obsessed with someone, where they're all you can think about? Never had it,' he shrugged. He had a fleeting image of Merlin then, with Percy's hand on his thigh, but blinked it away quickly. He had no idea where it had come from.

'That's not what Leon says,' Gwaine told him, hoovering up all the mushroom pieces he was leaving behind.

'What?' Arthur frowned.

'He says you've got a thing for your housemate.'

'Fucking Leon,' Arthur swore. 'Fucking _fucking_ Leon.'

'Ah, don't be hard on him. I was asking after you after rugby last week and he said you'd got a crush. I promised I wouldn't say anything but... I've had _a lot_ of beer.'

Arthur couldn't really be arsed to be mad at Leon. It was only Gwaine he'd told, after all, and Gwaine knew more of Arthur's secrets than pretty much everyone else in the world combined. Except Merlin.

'I don't have a crush on him, right,' he said, more aggressively than he'd intended. 'It's nothing so fucking girly as that,' he tore into his pizza as if showing how masculine he was. All it resulted in was him spilling sauce all down his top. 'He's really not my type.'

'I was hardly your type,' Gwaine shrugged. 'Before me you only looked at leggy girls with double-barrelled surnames, Mulberry handbags and back-combed hair. Your last shag before me was called _Persephone_ for fuck's sake.'

'Yeah but... since you, all guys I've gone for have looked the same. And Merlin's skinny, and a bit nerdy, and he dresses like he's at _St. Martin's_.'

'Love is blind, and other cliches like that,' Gwaine intoned solemnly.

'I don't know, maybe you're right,' Arthur admitted sullenly, purely because he'd had so much beer that his defences were dulled. 'I met his boyfriend tonight and I hated him before I met him and now I hate him even more. He cheated on Merlin and makes him feel shit about how he looks. And I was all prepared to smack him into next week and then he shows up and he's about seven foot tall with biceps bigger than my head.' He glared at his pizza, as if it was Percy's face.

'Sounds hot,' Gwaine said, unhelpfully. 'Maybe I could take him and leave you with Merlin?'

Arthur laughed, 'Yeah, maybe that would work. Although I don't even know if I _want_ Merlin. Not like that, anyway. He makes me laugh, and I worry about him, and I don't want anyone to ever hurt him again.' He rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'Fucking hell, listen to me, I sound like a hero in a romance novel.'

'But you don't want to suck his dick?' Gwaine asked, as ever, bluntly getting to the crux of the matter.

'I don't know,' Arthur admitted. 'I've never let myself think about it.'

'Okay, put your pizza down,' Gwaine instructed. 'And your beer.'

Arthur did, confused as to where this was going.

'Close your eyes and clear your mind of everything.'

'Are you going to go all Paul McKenna on me?' Arthur asked, amused.

'Trust me. Picture Merlin, joking around with you in the kitchen of your flat. Now picture him getting down on his knees in front of you, sliding his hands up your thighs, and getting your dick out.'

Arthur did.

'And then imagine him tonguing your dick, and sucking you.'

Arthur did. He crossed his legs uncomfortably. Swallowed. He could imagine the way Merlin would look up at him through dark lashes, his cheeks hollowed, how he'd try and take it all in. How he'd give Arthur's dick his full attention, lapping at the head, rubbing his balls.

The next thing he knew, Gwaine's hand was over his dick. He opened his eyes suddenly, 'Hey!'

'There's your answer,' Gwaine said, squeezing Arthur's crotch for emphasis. 'D'you fancy a shag now?'

'What, now you've turned me on by talking about my housemate?'

'Yeah,' Gwaine nodded, unphased. 'An erection's an erection, isn't it? And once you're naked I can promise you Merlin will be the last thing on your mind.'

***

Arthur stayed the night and enjoyed an uncomplicated roll in the hay with Gwaine. Gwaine knew exactly how to touch him, and fucked him bent over the bathroom sink so he could watch the way Arthur's face went when he came. And then the next morning they ate cold pizza in bed. It was the dream.

'How're you feeling?' Gwaine asked, as he flicked the TV on again to check out the football highlights.

'More relaxed than I have for a while,' Arthur admitted.

'Still fancy Merlin? Or was it brought on by an acute case of sexual frustration?'

'Still fancy him,' Arthur sighed. 'Still want to beat the shit out of his boyfriend. Still aware that if I tried he'd be wearing my skin as a pelt within the hour.'

'If it's driving you that crazy you'll have to ask him to move out,' Gwaine told him.

'No!' Arthur exclaimed quickly. Then, more considered, 'I'd rather see him with Percy than not see him at all.'

'Percy's a shit name, anyway,' Gwaine said, offering Arthur a piece of cold garlic bread.

'They'll probably be snuggled up being all post-coital when I go back,' Arthur grimaced.

'Don't go back then, I'm going for a swim if you fancy it? Kentish Town's swimming pool is fucking brilliant, mate. Then we can grab a roast at the Oxford. Exercise and meat will do you good.'

'Yeah, alright, cheers,' Arthur enjoyed Gwaine's uncomplicated world-view. 'Might clear my mind at least.'

***

Arthur deliberately didn't go home until as late as possible, and was relieved to see that there were no lights on, so Percy and Merlin were obviously out. He weirdly felt better having admitted to himself that he liked Merlin. Quite a lot. As long as Merlin never found out whilst he was with Percy, things would be fine, he thought. He could just go about his business as before, and when Percy and Merlin inevitably broke up he would swoop in like a hawk. Ha. Take _that_ Percy. Or, _or_ he thought, he could be incredibly seductive and seduce Merlin away from Percy.

He swaggered to the fridge, pleased with his cunning plan, imagining how he'd flirt with Merlin. He practiced his best throaty chuckle and jumped a mile when someone cleared his throat behind him.

'It's just me,' Merlin said. He was wearing pyjama bottoms and an old rugby shirt that was far too big for him. Probably _Percy's_ , Arthur thought, aggressively. 

'Percy gone then?' Arthur tried for casual but it just sounded slightly constipated. He cleared his throat and had another go, 'Have a good weekend?'

'Yeah,' Merlin leaned against the fridge, his hand went to his throat where Arthur could see a series of love-bites leading down the collar. He wondered where they went and flushed an angry red.

'You alright?' Merlin was all concern and put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. He leaned into the touch imperceptibly. Arthur shook him off and busied himself with the tea-pot. 

'I'm fine, just a bit tired,' he yawned for effect.

'Oh, of course, Gwaine,' Merlin said.

'Yeah, it's always good to catch up with him,' Arthur deliberately didn't look at Merlin but tried to make 'catch up' sound as filthy as possible. 'And how was Percy? Behave himself for once?'

'Don't make out like he's a bastard,' Merlin sighed, sounding terribly tired. 'He just worries I'm not eating enough.'

Arthur snorted but didn't say anything, letting the silence stretch until Merlin started again, 'He thinks you're very good looking.'

'Why would he tell you that?' This time Arthur did look up. 'The party line as a boyfriend is that anyone else is average-at-best.'

Merlin frowned, bit his lower lip, 'He didn't mean anything by it.' His hand went back to his throat and he stroked the marks softly. 

'I can see you had a good weekend,' Arthur said baldly, looking at the marks.

'Oh,' Merlin snatched his hand away. 'You were away so I think we got a little carried away. The neighbours might have complained,' he admitted.

Arthur felt sick. 'Really? Which ones?'

'Mrs Fitzgerald.'

'What, 90-year-old, largely _deaf_ Mrs Fitzgerald? What the fuck were you doing?' Arthur was caught between horror and intrigue.

'Nothing, I just, get a bit loud I suppose, uninhibited, I'm so sorry I'm so embarrassed about it I felt absolutely terrible and I sent round a bouquet of flowers but she wouldn't look me in the eye and-'

'Sh,' Arthur quelled the flow of Merlin's babbling with a finger on Merlin's lips. 'It's okay. Just don't do it again,' he finished lamely. Belatedly he removed his finger from Merlin's mouth, fought the urge to stroke it against his bottom lip. 'That should really be one of our roommate rules though... no sex that even deaf women can hear. I really, _really_ don't want to have to put ear-plugs in during Percy's sleepovers. Can't you just bite the pillow like a normal person?'

Merlin giggled, and the sound punctured the tension in the kitchen. 'I think it's because I was such a late-bloomer. I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-two. And before Percy I'd only had sex a few times. And it was always shit. And I just get a bit crazy.'

Arthur handed Merlin a mug of tea. 'Next time, think of the neighbours. Imagining Mrs Fitzgerald will kill anyone's lust.'

Merlin's fingers brushed Arthur's as he took the cup. 'Yeah, sorry. And thanks for making yourself scarce whilst he was here, it was thoughtful of you.'

It hadn't been thoughtful. It had been a decision born out of the sick jealousy he felt whenever he thought of Percy making Merlin moan. 'It wasn't an overly selfless decision. I hadn't seen Gwaine for a while,' he shrugged, picking up his tea.

'So are the two of you..?' Merlin leaned forward curiously.

'A couple? God no. We just have sex sometimes. He's a great mate - really funny, good drinking partner, always up for a ridiculous adventure. And it doesn't hurt that he's good in bed. I was this cocky little shit when he met me, and I spent most of the next term bent over his bed, or against the wall of the shower,' Arthur felt a slow creep of arousal low down in his belly at talking about sex with Merlin. Fine, it was sex with someone else, but there was something intimate about the conversation. It wasn't normal to talk like this with your friends, as a guy.

Merlin's eyes were round as saucers, 'And have there been guys since?'

'A few,' Arthur admitted. 'Nothing to write home about. I've never had a boyfriend before, but few things beat the feel of a dick in your mouth.' He was deliberately trying to shock Merlin. His cheeks were getting pinker and pinker.

'I never suspected you were bisexual,' Merlin said.

'Does it change things?' he looked intently at Merlin.

'No.' He took a deep breath, 'Not really, anyway. Just, Percy would go mad.'

'Doesn't he trust you?'

'No, it's ironic isn't it? He's very jealous.'

'Cheaters often are.'

'Have you ever cheated on someone?' Merlin asked, blowing on his tea.

'No, and I never would,' Arthur said confidently. 'If it's not working you break up with them: you don't sleep with someone behind their back.'

'You're a better person than most,' Merlin sniffed.

'I'm not being holier than thou, I've been a shit in my time, but I'd never do that.'

'So having met Percy, do you still think he's a dick?'

'Yes,' Arthur said, without a moment of hesitation. 'You're my friend, and he makes you feel shit about yourself. Is he good-looking? Yes. Was he an obvious arsehole? No. Will I ever be bezzie mates with him? No fucking way.'

'So you'd rather I didn't bring him round here?' Merlin looked sad and young. Arthur wanted to pull him onto his lap and hold him.

'No, I didn't mean that.' He did mean that. 'It's your home too for the time being. I was very restrained and polite I think you'll find.'

'Yeah... You see, it's my birthday next week and I wanted to have a party but when drink is involved and you're there and Percy's there...' He broke off.

'I'm not going to pick a fight,' Arthur said evenly. 'I wouldn't dare to, Merlin. Have you _seen_ the size of him?'

'Yes,' Merlin went a lovely shade of pink again. 'So you wouldn't mind?'

'No, not at all, I can invite Gwaine,' Arthur said deliberately, knowing that Merlin had lied about Gwaine's gender to Percy.

'Oh,' Merlin sounded fairly high-pitched. 'Of course. It'd be great to meet him. I'm sure Percy would enjoy that.'

Ha, Arthur thought, 15-love to Pendragon. 'I'm going to get an early night,' Arthur stretched ostentatiously, deliberately showing inches of flat stomach and feeling pleased when Merlin instinctively looked. 'I've got some reading to catch up on.'

***

The new chapter of 'Rules for Roommates' was waiting in his inbox. He saved it until he'd showered, brushed his teeth, and was curled in bed in his boxers. 

'Dear Arthur,

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter.

Speak soon,  
Lake'

Arthur opened the word document and began to read it. Harry knew now that James had some interest in men, if the porn was anything to go by. He was also friendlier to Harry than Harry suspected a fully straight man would be. There was nothing overt, but in the shower after swimming Harry could feel James's eyes lingering on him. He'd let himself imagine James coming up behind him and stroking large hands down his torso to his hips, squeezing his dick until he got an erection, and then slowly tossing him off whilst muttering filthy sweet-nothings in his ear.

Arthur swallowed. Suddenly, in his mind, he was James, and Merlin was the one pushed against the wall, bracing himself against it, gasping as Arthur stroked and stroked his long, hard dick.

James and Harry's relationship was becoming closer, and it was when drunk one night that they ended up kissing. It was on a dare, and James said it was because he had never kissed a man in his life. That was when James set the rule that one, no one could know and two, that it was only allowed to be kissing. And then they had kissed for hours, until their lips were swollen and Harry was straddling James's lap, furiously rubbing his clothed erection against James's, wanting more than anything to slip his hand inside his jeans and suck him off until he lost control and fucked Harry's mouth.

That was where the chapter ended. Arthur put his iPad down and tried hopelessly to fall asleep for a while before giving up and giving in and fisting his dick hard and slow, thinking about Merlin's lips, Merlin's long fingers, and how it would feel to come in his mouth.

He knew that trying to seduce your roommate away from his boyfriend probably broke every rule there was. But what the hell - rules were made to be broken.


	6. Chapter 6

Eight days into his 'seduce Merlin away from Percy' plan and Arthur had realised that it was actually really bloody hard to act seductive around someone you lived with. Someone who was there to see you when your fried egg burst down your chin, or when you had a really aggressive under-the-skin spot on your forehead, and who had heard you fart after the vindaloo you'd unwisely eaten.

But despite all this, Arthur was sticking at it, desperately trying to push himself back into the mindset he'd been in two years ago when he'd been an arrogant-as-fuck lawyer who called the interns WEGs (for work-experience-girls) and always made sure they looked like footballers' WAGs, hiring them for their fitness rather than their ability to, you know, _actually do the job_.

The main problem with the whole situation was that he found it difficult to act seductive around Merlin. Most of the time he wanted to care for Merlin, or mother him, or tease him until he let out a sudden snort of laughter. He wanted to make him eat a proper breakfast, stop staying up past midnight, and buy him clothes that properly fit. He found himself remembering funny things to tell him, or swapping HobNobs for McVities because Merlin liked them dipped in his tea, and even buying Echinacea for when Merlin thought he was coming down with a cold.

And though a big part of him wanted Merlin to leave Percy because he was selfish, and he wanted to pick up the pieces - a bigger part wanted him to leave Percy because Percy made Merlin sad. Arthur had never been in that kind of relationship. The kind where you love the other person more than they love you, so that they wield all the power. So when they cheat, you take them back. When they chip away at your self esteem, you secretly think that they are right. When they behave badly, you make excuses for them because you think they're too good for you and you don't want them to realise that.

Arthur stabbed the pasta he was cooking violently with a fork. It was a Wednesday night and he had the next couple of days off work, and he'd persuaded Merlin to let him cook for him 'to say thank you' for being such a good housemate and as a sort of birthday gift. He'd had several crises of confidence already that evening. First of all he'd lit candles and then blown them out as they made the place seem 'too romantic'. Then he'd changed his clothes three times, before putting back on the suit he'd worn to work that day anyway. A suit was far too dressy for his office but it was the one part of his lawyer heritage that Arthur didn't want to have to do away with. Plus Merlin had once said that Arthur looked good in his suit. 

Then the food itself hadn't gone to plan. He'd ended up with so much shell in the first lot of eggs that he'd had to throw them out and run to the cornershop for more. It had been icy out and he'd skidded and got mud all over his trousers, which he had then had to change. So now he was wearing a ridiculously trendy tailored black suit with a white shirt and black tie. He looked like a Blues Brother. Or one of _The Strokes_ he thought, moodily.

He'd put music on and then fretted about his choice. He wanted it to be some cool jazz but he didn't _own_ any cool jazz. He always described his music taste as 'eclectic' but that was largely because it was too embarrassing to say the words 'I love Kate Bush, Tinie Tempah and N-Dubz' in public. He'd ended up putting on Fleetwood Mac which he thought seemed safe. Cool, even. Well, cool _er_ than Cher was.

'Gosh, all this effort for lil old me?' Merlin's take on a Southern belle was atrocious as he flopped into the kitchen chair, cheeks flushed from the cold outside. 'It is snowing outside. With actual _snow_ ,' he added, for effect. 'Like, real snow like we get in Wales, not this crappy London sludge.'

'Hmmph,' Arthur snorted. 'If you hate London so much, why do you live here?' He stirred the pasta, frowning as he realised he had added ludicrous amounts of black pepper to the mix in his panic.

'I was the only gay in the village,' Merlin said ironically, grabbing an olive. 'Can't believe you've gone to all this effort, Pendragon, you big softie. Anyone would think it's my birthday. Oh wait, it nearly is!' Merlin was overexcited like a child. 'I literally cannot wait for my party. I'm going to get soooooo drunk.'

Arthur rolled his eyes, 'You're too old to get drunk.'

'Nah, it's my party and I can get smashed if I want to,' Merlin sang, bastardizing the words slightly, and fairly off-key.

'You're in a bloody good mood,' Arthur ladled a healthy portion of pasta onto each of the plates, burning himself in the process as he spilled hot oil on his thumb. 'Fuck,' he swore, sucking it.

'Yeah,' Merlin seemed oblivious. 'I've hit a real breakthrough with my writing. I feel like I've really got under my client's skin. The book really feels like it's hitting its stride.'

'Ah,' said Arthur, carrying the plates over and depositing them with an, 'et voila.'

'Yeah, it's all coming together, I'm really proud of it,' Merlin said, grinning.

Arthur leaned in close to him, too close, close enough to kiss. 'I bet the author's really pleased. Jordan isn't it?'

Merlin laughed, shoved him away, his cheeks pink, 'I'm not telling you who the celebrity is!' He wound some pasta round his fork and took an enthusiastic mouthful. 'And obviously I'm excited about my birthday. Presents! Fun! Drink!'

'Yeah you mentioned drink already,' Arthur sniggered.

'Fuck Arthur, this is _good_ ,' Merlin was eating at a rate of knots. 'Who knew you were so cheffy? You're like Jamie Oliver.'

'Jamie 'pukka' Oliver?' He rolled his eyes, 'More like Heston Blumenthal, thank you very much.'

'You'd only be like him if you'd used like... frogspawn instead of eggs,' Merlin pointed out. 'Seriously this is bloody brilliant. No one ever cooks for me.'

'That's a shame,' Arthur said blandly. 'I used to cook for Gwen all the time.' 

'Oh stop needling me about Percy,' Merlin huffed, taking a sip of wine. 'He's really not a complete shit you know. He's mostly very nice to me.'

Arthur deliberately didn't say anything.

'Seriously, he is,' Merlin insisted, gesturing with his fork. 'He takes me to nice restaurants and he-'

'Shags you so loudly deaf people can hear?' Arthur asked, purely to see Merlin blush. He went a very gratifying shade of beetroot when teased about sex.

'Yes, and he's funny, and... clever,' he added lamely.

'I'm just joking,' Arthur lied. 'I'm looking forward to seeing him on Saturday. Gwaine's coming too, you'll like him.'

'Oh,' Merlin looked wide-eyed and inwardly Arthur felt triumphant.

'You have _told_ Percy I'm bi, right?' Arthur laboured the point.

'Yeah, yeah, of course,' Merlin squeaked.

'Hmm,' Arthur stirred his pasta. 'Because that sounded suspiciously high-pitched to be the truth.'

'No I,' Merlin sagged. 'Fine, I haven't.'

'Gosh, why not?' Arthur did his best 'confused' face. He'd practiced it in front of the mirror to _great_ effect.

'He'll get jealous. You know, me living with a good-looking single guy, though I guess you're not single if Gwaine's around.'

Arthur shrugged, 'Gwaine and I have lovely uncomplicated sex. But I am 100% single.' He grinned rakishly. 'It's ideal. And anyway, he knows I'm not your type. Might as well be living with a eunuch for all my desirability,' he finished chirpily.

Merlin took a panicked gulp of wine and then ended up coughing and spluttering, to the degree that Arthur ended up considering performing the Heimlich manoeuvre before hitting him hard on the back. 'Bloody _hell_ ,' Merlin, he said, 'are you quite finished?'

'Yes,' Merlin sheepishly took a slow sip of wine.

'We were talking about me being a eunuch,' Arthur helpfully supplied, when the silence stretched on too long.

'You're a handsome man,' Merlin said slowly, as if the words pained him. 'Blue eyes, broad shoulders, look cracking in a suit. Of course he'll be weird about it. It was one of our housemates he cheated on me with.'

'Oh,' Arthur said. In his head the words 'blue eyes, broad shoulders, look cracking in a suit' were running in a loop. It made it difficult to concentrate. 'I presume the housemate has since moved out?'

'I'm not a fucking doormat,' Merlin exclaimed. 'Of course he's moved out. For fuck's _sake_.'

Arthur held his hands up, 'I'm sorry, alright, it was just a question. Don't lash out because you're worried at how Percy will take meeting Gwaine.'

Merlin sagged in his chair, 'Can't you pretend he's just a friend?'

'Nope,' Arthur said happily. 'Gwaine isn't good with pretence. And he has a penchant for blowjobs in the toilets at parties. Loud ones,' he added.

'Hmmph,' Merlin sniffed. 'I've never had a fuck-buddy. I'm not sure I'd like one. Don't you both get jealous?'

'Nah, I like Gwaine a lot as a friend and fuck me he's cracking in the sack but I'd never want to go out with him. He's never had a boyfriend, anyway, he's too much of a heartbreaker for that.'

'And you were straight before him?'

'Ostensibly,' Arthur picked up their empty plates and dumped them in the sink. 'I was a bit of a homophobe actually, which I blame entirely on single-sex boarding school. And I used to shag anything and everything.'

Merlin was goggle-eyed, 'Seriously?'

'Yes, anywhere and everywhere. You name the place - I've had sex there.'

'Um, the beach? Ooh, no, Alton Towers, wait, Fortnum & Mason!' Merlin settled on happily.

'Sandy, don't recommend it; yes behind Oblivion; toilets by the ice-cream parlour.'

'Not Fortnum & Mason!' Merlin wailed, topping up their wine. 'How _could_ you? It's the cleanest place on earth.' He put his head in his hands before looking up at Arthur, 'Except Disneyland.'

'Done it there too,' Arthur added, coolly. He started laughing at Merlin's anguish. 'But this is all beside the point, which is that I was rivalling Russell Brand for shagging around until I met Gwaine and fell head-over-heels in lust. He can out-drink me, outplay me in most sports, and fucking hell he's inventive in the bedroom.' This was all part of Arthur's plan to seduce Merlin. Talking about sex was sexy. Right? In 'Rules for Roommates' Harry had talked about sex _a lot_ to James, slowly realising that it turned him on a lot. Arthur was ashamed that he was taking seduction techniques from gay erotica but dammit, desperate times called for desperate measures.

'I was a virgin before Percy,' Merlin offered. 'How much of a loser am I?'

'Hey,' Arthur stroked Merlin's knuckles briefly until he looked up at him. 'You're not a loser.'

'It's pretty lame. My sexual experience beforehand had amounted to a few hurried blowjobs in clubs. I'd nearly ended up getting shagged in Chariot's Spa but I'd wussed out.'

Arthur wrinkled his nose, 'Ew. Chariot's?'

'Yeah, I know,' Merlin huffed, flicking his fringe out of his eyes in a gesture that made Arthur want to kiss every one of his fingers. 'Then I met Percy in a bar and he was interested in me. He made me feel sexy. And I know you think I'm an absolutely plonker for staying with him but you look very different to me.'

'Hey,' Arthur caught Merlin's chin and forced him to meet his eyes. 'You are a very handsome young man,' he frowned, 'I sound like my elderly aunt. What I meant to say is you are attractive, and sexy, and someone else will think that too.'

Merlin bit his lip and met his eyes and they had this intense moment of eye-contact which Arthur could only describe as 'scorching' or 'bone-melting', having spent far too long editing romance novels. 

Merlin's lashes were dark against his cheeks and he shrugged, 'Yeah, well do let me know where that 'someone else' lives as I'd like to meet him.'

And it was all Arthur could do not to flick him on the nose and say, 'Here, you idiot.'

***

When they were pleasantly stuffed with tiramisu and wine and had cracked open the sloe gin in front of the television, Arthur steered the conversation back onto Merlin's birthday. He was fairly stumped about what to get him. He wanted it to be nice, but not _too_ nice. The kind of gift that would gently threaten Percy without getting Arthur's teeth knocked out.

'Mum and I used to have really quiet birthdays. I never had many friends at school, and I had no family, just my Mum. So nowadays I go all out. I bloody love parties, and presents and-'

'-getting pissed, I know.' Arthur smiled, flicking through the channels to try and find something they could both agree to watch. Arthur point-blank refused to watch 'The Only Way is Essex' and Merlin wasn't a sports fan so it was rather a struggle. He settled on a terrible panel show about sex because he always enjoyed how prudish and pink Merlin got when anything sexual was on TV.

'I'm just a big kid when it comes to birthdays,' Merlin agreed happily. He paused and took in what was on the television. One of the TV presenters - blonde, glasses, severe suit - was explaining to a nervous-looking couple the best way to give a blowjob. 'Arthur!' His tone was delightfully embarrassed. 'Must you?'

'I must,' Arthur insisted. 'It's either this or Top Gear.'

Merlin wrinkled his nose, 'Better clitorises than Clarkson.'

Arthur laughed fondly, looking over at where Merlin was sprawled in the armchair, his long legs tipped over the side and his glass cradled to his chest. Merlin's eyes bulged slightly and Arthur turned to the TV to see what was horrifying him. The severe TV presenter was actually _talking the woman_ through a blowjob. On a horrible wipe-clean red couch. With rather harsh lighting.

'Well,' Arthur said, 'who knew sex education shows were so rude.'

'Is she actually _doing it_?' Merlin hissed. 'Or is she, you know, simulating?'

'It's a cable channel,' Arthur said. 'She's probably doing it.'

'But it's not even that much past the watershed!' Merlin yelped. 'Children could be watching!'

'It might be educational for them,' Arthur said. 'I was _obsessed_ with my penis from the age of thirteen and I'd have found this kind of thing quite helpful.'

'You are a disgrace,' Merlin muttered into his glass.

'Oh stop being such a prude,' Arthur tutted. 'You'd think you'd never have given a man a blowjob before.'

Merlin's ears turned red, 'Of course I have! But! But!'

'But what? Stop spluttering and spit it out! Or swallow. Probably politer,' he added coolly.

Merlin narrowed his eyes, 'You're such a libertine. I bet you lie upstairs in bed watching _Babestation_ and wanking. I bet you wank so often that you're the reason our corner-shop _never_ has Balsam tissues in stock.'

Arthur giggled, and then stopped himself. What was he doing? Pendragons didn't giggle. 'I don't watch Babestation,' he said, witheringly. 'I prefer classier fare like-'

'XXX Hot Gay Sex and Red Hot Wives?' Merlin supplied helpfully.

'Stop trying to distract from the action on TV. Maybe you could learn something,' Arthur said in a snotty tone.

Merlin fell silent then and they watched as the woman was instructed on how to best fellate her boyfriend. You couldn't actually see his penis. Just the constant motion of her head. 'When your jaw begins to ache bring your hand up to meet it,' the presenter instructed, in a bored tone of voice.

'See that's my problem,' Merlin blurted out. 'I just get knackered. My knees hurt, or the angle's uncomfortable, or I go too far and then I choke and there are few things less sexy than gagging around someone's penis.'

'Gwaine spent an entire weekend teaching me how to give head,' Arthur admitted, reaching for more sloe gin. 'I think he fancied himself as the Henry Higgins to my Eliza Doolittle. Only far, far dirtier.'

'A whole weekend? Didn't you get bored?' Merlin boggled.

'I love giving head,' Arthur admitted, still mesmerised by the rhythmic bobbing of the woman's head on television. 'It's incredibly erotic, that mix of the submissive and the powerful. I could do it for hours.'

'I'm not that fussed about receiving either,' Merlin admitted.

At that, Arthur's head snapped round to look at him, 'Are you serious?'

'Yeah,' he squirmed, picking at the hole in his jumper. 'I get all self-conscious and can't relax.'

'Then no one's ever done it right,' Arthur decreed.

'Fuck off, Arthur, I've had plenty of blowjobs.'

'Shit ones,' Arthur said.

'No, not-'

'Shit ones,' Arthur said again, louder. 'Seriously, if someone does it right it's basically the best sensation in the world.'

'I think it's overrated,' Merlin insisted.

Arthur looked at him then, really looked at him. 'I give phenomenal head. I once spent an entire hour sucking Gwaine until I let him come.'

'He was probably bored by the end,' Merlin said, gamely.

'He was the hardest I've ever seen him,' Arthur corrected, and then looked back at the TV, pretending to be casual but actually being calculating. 'I spent about an hour just giving the head attention, letting it rest against my bottom lip and then tossing him off against my tongue, never letting him thrust, just setting the pace until it was killing him. By halfway through his dick was leaking everywhere, so messy and wet, and I finally let him hold my head and fuck into my mouth, fluttering my tongue against it and moaning until he came down my throat. And then I spent twenty minutes sucking it til he was hard again. Then he fucked me on my hands and knees and licked me clean after.' Arthur was grateful, for once, at the sheer amount of erotica he'd edited.

Merlin was silent and Arthur chanced a look at him out of the corner of his eye. His eyes had gone glassy and he was twitching his left foot over and over.

'Still think he was bored?'

'No,' Merlin said, in a small voice. 'I'm going to go and check my phone quickly, back in a second.' He walked stiffly out of the room, Arthur saw with a grim satisfaction. And he was pretty certain that he had not gone to check his phone. In fact, right now, he bet that he was finding a particular use for the Balsam tissues.

Arthur rubbed his erection just once, and then resolutely changed the channel to Top Gear, pretending this hadn't happened. But he'd thrown down the gauntlet alright - maybe this whole seduction thing wasn't going to be as hard as he'd thought.


	7. Chapter 7

Even though Arthur was technically on holiday from work he had a bad habit of checking his blackberry at all hours. Not because he thought there was going to be some kind of emergency (those were few and far between in the world of erotica publishing) but because he was faintly obsessed with Lake's updates.

Arthur normally wasn't aroused by his authors' words. Frightened by them, yes. Dubious about the logistics, regularly. But given an erection by them? Never. Well, never _until now_. And it was weird because most of the people who bought their erotica were women. Not that many men read it, or were fans of it, so Arthur wasn't entirely sure why it was that Lake's words got under his skin and seemed to beat a steady pulse down into his erection until he just wanted to sneak off at work to wank.

He didn't, obviously. The work toilets were _rank_ but still, it was a worrying turn of events.

Lake hadn't sent any of _Rules for Roommates_ over for a while now. Eight days in fact (not that he was counting, only he definitely was, fairly religiously). So when Arthur checked his blackberry and he had an email he felt a bit sick with anticipation. It was 11am on a Thursday morning, but he was immediately a little bit horny. Last night's fairly intimate chat with Merlin hadn't helped and after they'd watched something innocuous for a while Arthur had come upstairs and tossed himself off in the shower. It had only taken a few, hard, strokes and he'd come all over the tiles. But it still hadn't taken the edge off. Living with Merlin was like being a diabetic living in a cake-shop, or, or, being a squirrel with a nut allergy. Temptation was _always there_ with its bright blue eyes and uncoordinated limbs and pale skin that looked as if it would be so soft to touch.

Arthur felt slight shame as he lounged back on his bed and got his iPad out to read the latest missive from Lake. Where he had last left off was where Harry and James had ended up snogging for hours, with the rule that things couldn't go further. But, Arthur suspected, given that this was, you know, _erotica_ , that that rule would be over pretty fucking sharpish.

'Dear Arthur,

Sorry for the delay on this. Other deadlines intervened. I have attached the next few chapters of RfR. As you will read, things have begun to heat up! I am trying to strike a balance between romance and sex and I hope that you feel this is working? I would appreciate your thoughts.

Kind regards,  
Lake'

Most of Arthur's thoughts about Lake's porn revolved around the words 'fucking hell that's sick' which wasn't an opinion you could necessarily share with an author. But his thoughts about this work were just as unhelpful: namely that this was incredibly arousing and even though Lake was probably some creepy perma-tanned nympho with nipple-rings and too much wet-look gel in his hair, he found his writing horny as hell.

Arthur began to read. After the french-kissing incident James and Harry were a little awkward with one another until they had a friendly game of squash and James seemed to realise that their friendship was too good to ruin. James spent the next fortnight bringing home a slew of women and having loud sex with them as if to reaffirm his heterosexuality, and Harry found himself annoyed and turned on by his moans in equal measure. One night Harry was horny and bored and he went to bed early. It was whilst wanking in his bed, loudly given that James wasn't in, that he realised that he was being watched. James was indeed home, and standing in the doorway. Harry stopped, horrified and embarrassed, but James said 'go on' and Harry ended up deciding to put on a show. He dragged his heel up the bed, sluttish, and moaned into his hand, sucking his fingers and adding their wetness to his erection. James came closer and closer until he was kneeling next to the bed, watching Harry's dick avidly. 'I'm going to come,' Harry warned him and James just kept watching still, right until Harry came. Harry tried to reach for James but he stepped out of reach. 'New rule,' he said, his eyes intent. 'No touching.' His dick was heavy and red and hard when he pulled it out and Harry wanted to suck the head more than anything. Instead he watched whilst James stroked it and then knelt between his legs and asked him to come all over his chest. James did.

Arthur put his iPad down. He had mentally cast Merlin in the role of Harry a fair while ago and the image of Merlin fucking up into his own hand, his long fingers smeared with pre-come was too much for him.

 _I will not wank over my author's erotica_ , Arthur told himself sternly. Getting up and doing a couple of stiff circuits around the bed. _It's too embarrassing. Lake is a perma-tanned nipple-pierced old Peter Andre-lookalike. Getting an erection from his work is not seemly. What would Uther think?_

Thinking about Uther acted like being drenched with a freezing cold hosepipe and he felt calm enough to read on. The next chapters were more romantic. James and Harry were going closer - flirting, cooking together - whilst James still tried to pretend that he wasn't interested. But Harry knew that it was only a matter of time before James cracked and fucked Harry.

Arthur huffed to himself as he switched his iPad off. He wasn't being a very good editor at the moment. He was thinking with his penis too much, he told himself. He was behaving like _Gwaine_. He was going to go downstairs, go for a walk, and then type up some perfectly respectable editorial notes on Monday. Honestly.

***

'Arthur, Arthur, I need some help with the party guestlist,' Merlin ran into the kitchen where Arthur was raiding the fruit bowl. His hair was adorably tousled, as if he'd been clutching at it in his stress.

'What's up? I thought you'd already set up a facebook event about a month ago and then obsessively checked it once an hour to see how many people had 'accepted'.'

'Well, yeah, obviously I did that,' Merlin was unashamed. 'But I suddenly thought, all the rest of my book group are coming and should I ask Gwen but I don't want to upset you and I don't know what to do.' He paused for breath, ballpoint and clipboard poised.

Arthur raised an eyebrow, '1) I haven't teased you nearly enough about belonging to a book group, 2) why on earth do you have a clipboard? and 3) I am happy for you to invite her.' He shrugged, 'She didn't do anything wrong. And she's your friend.'

'But what if it's _awkward_ ,' Merlin insisted.

'Can't be any more awkward than Percy discovering I'm bisexual can it?' Arthur asked cheerfully, biting into his apple. 'In fact, if Gwen or Lance cause a scene it might go in your favour - it might distract from eight-foot of angry boyfriend.'

Merlin glowered at him, 'Stop enjoying this so much.'

'Shan't,' Arthur crunched his apple in a way which even he could admit was smug and irritating. 'And seriously? Is the clipboard necessary? What's next - a headset?'

Merlin flushed.

'Seriously?' Arthur boggled. 'You've bought a headset? This is a house-party, not Elton John's Oscars bash.'

'I just wanted one. I went into Argos and-'

Arthur groaned, 'I've told you not to go in there. You know that it's like crack to you. Just one flick through that catalogue and we're knee-deep in juicers and extension leads and power-drills.'

'I just find it soothing,' Merlin said, with dignity.

'You are weird,' Arthur said. 'But seriously, I'm happy as a clam for Gwen and Lance to be there. I doubt they'll come, but go ahead and ask them.'

'And you're sure Gwaine can come?' Merlin asked hopefully.

'He wouldn't miss it for the world.' Actually, Arthur had had to beg Gwaine to come. Gwaine had a crush on one of his ostensibly heterosexual colleagues and they were going out that night where Gwaine was going to try and 'seal the deal'. Gwaine had only given in when Arthur had promised to do all sorts of degrading things like make Gwaine a fry-up whilst naked and let him eat it off his body. Which wasn't even _erotic_ , it was just gross and quite possibly dangerous what with all the hot oil everywhere. 'What's the plan for the big day itself?'

'Well,' Merlin sat down and finally put his clipboard down. 'I'm staying at Percy's tomorrow night and he's going to make me breakfast in bed, then we're going to go for a wander at Angel antique market, have a bit of lunch, and then come back here to set up. I've allowed three hours for setting up time. I hope it's long enough.'

'I'm pretty sure it'll be long enough,' Arthur said. He wanted to properly make fun of Merlin over his behaviour but in reality it just made him feel very affectionate and protective towards him. He also felt nervous about Saturday. His present for Merlin had taken days of agonising to find, but it was sat in the corner of his bedroom wrapped in brown paper tied up with string. Merlin's favourite book was _Lolita_ by Nabokov and Arthur had tracked down a first edition copy at no small expense. He hadn't got him a card, or anything girly like that, just the gift. He felt no small anxiety over whether Merlin would like it or not. He'd never really cared that much about anyone's reaction to a present before. Most of his girlfriends had got La Perla underwear and flowers. Easy and straightforward. But Merlin was neither of those things.

'I just want it to be a good party,' Merlin sighed. 'I had zero friends as a teenager and I'm really excited about all the people I like being together in one place and getting drunk and doing it in the bathroom.'

Arthur raised an eyebrow, 'Are you secretly hoping for this to turn out like an episode of _Skins_?'.

'No,' Merlin insisted, then sagged back in his chair and admitted, 'kind of yes.'

'It'll be a good party, honestly. People care about you. And people like free booze. What could go wrong?'

'Um, no one turns up, there's a fight, someone's sick on your expensive rug, someone finds my secret teddy-bear collection and makes fun of them, someone-'

Arthur raised a quelling hand. 'I was asking the question rhetorically. Now, tell me more about this teddy-bear collection...'

'Oh no,' Merlin squeaked.

***

Merlin's anxious face between the hours of nine and ten, as he waited and waited for more people to turn up, made Arthur feel vaguely queasy whenever he looked at him.

'People never turn up to parties on time,' Arthur soothed, trying to get Merlin to relax his death grip on his bright pink punch. 'Stop drinking so much punch. You'll throw up.'

'Vomiting would be preferable to this social shame,' Merlin claimed angrily. 'I knew no one would come.'

'There are ten people here,' Arthur pointed out. 'And you said the party was starting at nine. No one takes that as gospel.'

'Well they should have done,' Merlin stropped, going again to stir the punch bowl and take a sneaky refill. 'Percy promised he'd be back by now with the guys from the bar.'

'I'm sure he'll get here soon, with two people in tow, bringing us up to thirteen guests.'

'Unlucky thirteen,' Merlin muttered.

'Look, let me give you your birthday present quickly, that'll take your mind off it yeah?'

'Yeah,' Merlin was eager and puppyish again.

'Come on,' Arthur tried to sound cool but inside he was deeply nervous. What if he didn't like it? What if it was too much? Arthur wondered often if Merlin had any idea how he felt about him. He seemed to float around in a little cloud of obliviousness but sometimes Arthur felt as if the words 'I want you' were emblazoned on his head in neon writing.

He pushed open the door to his room and switched the light on. There in the corner was the parcel.

'Ooh, brown paper packages tied up with string, those are a few of my favourite things!' Merlin warbled. Then he grimaced, put the punch down, 'Maybe I have drunk too much.' Merlin folded himself onto the floor and reached for it, 'So exciting, Arthur! I love presents!'

'I know you do,' Arthur was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, feeling strangely defensive.

Merlin's drunkenness didn't lend itself to untying complicated knots so Arthur knelt down next to him, untied them for him. He smiled up at him, 'I told you to lay off the punch.'

'Whatever,' Merlin greedily tore through the paper then, 'Oh. _Oh_.'

'Good oh?' Arthur asked jokily, but his voice was shaking slightly.

'Yes, oh my goodness I can't believe you've got me this, you're amazing,' Merlin grabbed Arthur and hugged him so tight that Arthur could feel his heartbeat. They didn't touch each other much normally. Because whenever he casually brushed against him it was all Arthur could do not to linger, not to breathe Merlin in and enfold him in his arms. Arthur hugged him back, hesitantly at first then tighter. 'You're the best friend ever, you know that right? Honestly. I know that only seven-year-olds have best friends but I really feel like you are.' Merlin's voice was earnest and low, right in Arthur's ear.

'Yeah, I know what you mean,' Arthur said, squeezing him tightly. Then he caught himself, realised that it was perhaps creepy to smell the hair of your roommate (pomegranates) and pushed Merlin away slightly. 'So you're pleased?'

'Beyond pleased! I'm going to go lock it away so no one touches it tonight!'

'Yeah, the teddies can look after it,' Arthur joked, to cover how raw he felt. Arthur was normally all about sex, but he felt like he could just hold Merlin for hours and not get bored. Could listen to him witter on about his day, or his hatred of Jeremy Clarkson, forever and not want to get up. 'Maybe I've had too much punch,' he muttered, feeling maudlin all of the sudden.

The doorbell rang then and he took the excuse to head downstairs and pretend nothing out of the ordinary was going on. It was Gwen and Lance, hovering awkwardly on the doorstep. 'Hi, Gwen,' he kissed her on both cheeks. 'God you're freezing, is it snowing again?'

'Um, yes, a little,' she looked nervous.

'Lance,' he shook his hand. 'Sorry about everything before. And congratulations on your great choice of girlfriend.'

'Thanks mate,' Lance squeezed his hand, his face split in an uncomplicated grin.

'Merlin has made some ludicrously strong bright pink punch and at the rate he's putting it away there's going to be pink vomit everywhere tonight.'

'Ew,' Gwen's nose wrinkled. 'What's he put in it?'

'It might be quicker to ask what he _hasn't_ put in it,' Arthur winked. 'Come on, I'll get you both a cup.'

Once ten o'clock hit, more and more people turned up and the party spilled out from the kitchen into the lounge. Every time Arthur looked for Merlin he was in the midst of a gaggle of people, opening a gift or card and hugging everyone. Arthur sniffed, no longer feeling special.

At eleven o'clock Gwaine rocked up with a bottle of Jagermeister. 'You're late,' Arthur said.

'I went out with the guy beforehand. He sucked me off. Great night.'

Arthur wanted to feel slightly disgusted but couldn't, and ended up laughing, 'Do you ever think you'll grow up?'

'Chances are slim to none when my life is this good, Pendragon,' he threw an arm round his shoulders. 'Now where's the birthday boy?'

Arthur carefully extracted Merlin from a rather intense looking goth girl. 'I'll catch up with you later Nimueh, yeah?' Merlin said, then turned to take Gwaine in. 'Oh, hello. You must be,' he reached up and stroked a bit of Gwaine's hair, 'Gwaine.'

'Ha, my reputation precedes me,' Gwaine clapped him on the shoulders. 'Happy birthday mate. Good party,' he looked around the crowded room. 'I brought Jagermeister, want to do some?'

'Yeah,' Merlin said happily.

'No, Merlin, that's hardly sensible,' Arthur tutted, feeling like a responsible parent. 'It's only eleven and you'll peak too soon.'

Merlin stood on one leg without wobbling, 'I have spent the past hour drinking water in order to bring myself back from the edge of vomiting pink punch all over your expensive rug.'

'Fine, fine.' Arthur grabbed some cans of Red Bull and some shot glasses and quickly fixed them each the unholy combination of a shot of Jager in Red Bull. 'One, two, three,' they smashed the glasses down so the Jager overturned into the energy drink and gulped them down.

'Ugh that's disgusting,' Arthur said at the same time as Gwaine proclaimed, 'Magnificent!'

'Now Merlin, where's that boyfriend of yours? Arthur tells me he's nine foot tall and I've got to see this for myself,' he was peering around the room as if expecting Percy to be crouched behind a kitchen unit or lurking in a potted plant.

'Um, he's not here yet. I just texted him again and he's running late, the tube was down because of the snow so they're a bit stuck. They'll be here soon though,' he sounded hopeful.

'Ah never mind, got any birthday cake?' Gwaine asked, throwing an easy arm around Merlin and walking him away through the crowd. 

Arthur shrugged and turned to find the goth girl standing right behind him. He jumped slightly, 'Hello?'

'Hi, I'm Nimueh,' she held out a hand.

She was pretty, Arthur noticed, but there was something a little odd about her.

'I'm Arthur, Merlin's landlord,' he shook hers. It was cold.

'I'm a writer, like Merlin,' she said.

'Oh,' Arthur leaned in, 'do you know the celebrity whose autobiography he's been working on?'

Her brow crinkled, 'No, he writes erotica,' she said, then clapped a hand over her mouth. 'Oh shit I'm so sorry, he hates anyone knowing. He's very good though, he's won lots of awards. That boy has a mind like a sewer.'

Arthur developed a suspicion then, which was groundless and unlikely but he felt it like a sick certainty, 'No maybe he has mentioned it to me. What's his pen-name again, Laine or something?'

'Lake,' she giggled, moving closer to Arthur. 'It's such a silly name, but he could hardly write under the name _Merlin_ and stay anonymous could he?'

'No, I guess not,' Arthur smiled but his mind was racing. If Merlin was Lake then... _Rules for Roommates_ , could it be about _them_? Could Merlin feel the same way about him that he felt for Merlin? And how could Arthur reveal that he was Merlin's editor without causing huge embarrassment all round?

Just then the doorbell rang, 'I'll get it!' Merlin yelled, slightly glassy-eyed.

He reappeared a few minutes later with Percy and two other good-looking guys. 'Happy birthday Merlin,' Percy bent and snogged him, and the room erupted in whoops and cheers.

Arthur did not whoop. Nor did he cheer.

'You like him, I can tell,' Nimueh said, her gaze unnerving.

'No I don't,' Arthur lied easily.

'I can tell when you lie. He's not meant to be with Percy. Percy still sleeps around.'

'How do you know?'

She shrugged, enigmatic, 'I just do. He's a special person, and he needs someone who's good for him. Someone who treats him well. Percy doesn't.'

'Yeah, well, how can I persuade him of that?' Arthur asked.

She smiled sympathetically.

'It wasn't a rhetorical question,' he said, again. 'I want to know how. If I tell him Percy's cheating on him he won't believe me. He's blind to Percy's faults. And he's oblivious to my charms.'

'I've read _Rules for Roommates_ ,' she said, blandly. 'It's his latest novel and it's about a guy seducing his male roommate. I don't think he's as oblivious as you think. Now go and talk to him,' she said.

'Thanks,' he said, to empty space. She'd gone. Weird. He shivered even though it was warm inside.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge, 'Oh, hey Percy. How are you?' he shook his hand.

'Good mate,' Percy's handshake could only be described as 'bone-crushing'. 'Got stuck in the snow.'

'Yeah,' Arthur knew he was lying and could smell the alcohol on him. 

Merlin looked up at Percy adoringly, 'But you've made it now, and brought the guys from the bar along too. I haven't seen them for ages!'

'Yeah,' Percy's eyes moved away from Merlin to make contact with one of the men. Tall, well-built, his white teeth a slash of bright in a tanned face. He winked at Percy. Merlin didn't notice. Arthur did.

Gwaine loped up, put his arm round Arthur and kissed him wetly on the ear. It wasn't erotic but it did the trick, Percy's eyes narrowed. 'Who's this?'

'Gwaine,' he held out his hand to the taller man. 'Arthur's-'

'Friend,' Merlin put in quickly.

'Fuck-buddy,' Gwaine amended, with a lascivious grin.

'Oh right, well,' Percy swallowed. 'Nice to meet you.' The words sounded like they were being forced past gritted teeth.

'Yeah, you too,' Gwaine's smile was guileless. 'Enjoy the party, and take care of Merlin - he's a pretty special guy.'

'Yeah,' Percy's arm tightened around his waist. Merlin wriggled uncomfortably.

'Percy, let me, um, show you the terrace,' Arthur tried to break the tension.

'I've already seen it,' Percy said. 'Merlin sucked me off on it last week,' he added nastily.

There was a short silence then Merlin gasped, 'Percy.'

'What? I doubt Arthur and his _fuck-buddy_ mind.'

'Hey, I've got a name,' Gwaine's voice was low and harsh.

'Gwyn, wasn't that what you told me Merlin?'

'I didn't want you to get jealous and angry,' Merlin said.

'I bet you're fucking him aren't you Merlin, so desperate for a bit of affection that-'

'Hey,' Arthur stepped between them. 'Leave him alone. Merlin would never do anything like that.'

'Oh fuck off, who asked you?'

Arthur saw red then, 'This is my house and I want you to leave. You're the one who fucks around all the time and makes him feel like shit. He's never done anything like that to you, you hypocrite.' In retrospect, squaring up to a man built like the Incredible Hulk wasn't the brightest of ideas. But Arthur had never pretended to be bright. Which was probably why he didn't see the fist coming, and the next thing he knew he was flat on his back on the kitchen floor, his eyes fluttering closed as darkness enveloped him.


	8. Chapter 8

To Arthur it felt like he'd probably been out cold for hours but in reality it was probably only a minute at most. When he opened his eyes it was to be confronted with a scene worthy of _Eastenders_. Gwaine had obviously been watching too many wrestling shows and was brandishing a chair in Percy's direction, Merlin was trembling by Arthur's side, and calm, sensible Lance was threatening to call the police.

'Fine, I'm leaving,' Percy snarled. He stalked out with his two sidekicks (Tweedledum and Tweedledee as Arthur had secretly named them) sloping behind him.

Arthur sat up shakily. Merlin leaned over him, 'Oh my goodness, are you okay? I'm so sorry.'

'Not my face, my beautiful, beautiful face,' Arthur joked shakily as his hand felt for what was going to be one hell of a shiner. 'My modeling career, ended before it even got started.'

'It's not funny, you idiot,' Merlin fretted. 'Do you have a concussion? How many fingers am I holding up?'

'I'm fine,' Arthur insisted. 'Three.' He got up slowly. 'I think it was just the shock, I mean he caught me by surprise otherwise I'd have totally destroyed him.'

'Of course,' Merlin nodded solemnly.

'Oh give over, Merlin, the only injury he could cause to Percy would be bruising his knuckles,' Gwaine piped up.

'Oh yeah and what about you with that chair. What were you doing - lion-taming?' Arthur laughed then winced. 'Fucking hell, he got me good.'

Someone had switched the music off and everyone was standing around looking awkward. 'Are you going to press charges?' Lance asked. 

'Yeah, I know a good lawyer don't I?' Arthur said. 'But no, I don't want to go through the whole process. I just never want to see him again.'

Merlin was hovering at his elbow, wringing his hands, 'Why did he have to do this _on my birthday_?'

'Because he's a dick,' Arthur snarled. 'And you are far too good for the likes of him.'

Merlin looked stricken, 'But I don't know what to _do_ , he's my boyfriend and he loves me. I doubt he meant to ruin my birthday-'

'He just knocked me out, after accusing you of cheating on him,' Arthur said. 'I think it's pretty obvious what you have to do.'

'But I love him, Arthur, it's not as easy as that to just cut things off-'

'It is easy,' Arthur interrupted.

'What would be easy is getting a group of the rugby lads and going over to his house to send him a warning,' Gwaine said, elaborately cracking his knuckles.

It was left to Lance to be the sensible one once more, 'No one is going to be sending anyone 'a warning' so please stop talking as if we're in _West Side Story_ ,' he said. 'Merlin, I think it's best if you stay at ours tonight and give Arthur a chance to cool off.'

Merlin looked on the verge of tears as he looked at Arthur, as if begging him to understand his position. Arthur looked away. 'I think that's for the best.' He felt full of righteous indignation - Percy had assaulted him in his own home and Merlin _still_ didn't know what to do? Well, Merlin had made his bed, now he would have to lie in it.

'Gwaine, you stay here to keep an eye on Arthur and everyone else, sorry but... the party's over.'

Gwen put her arm round Merlin who immediately pressed his face in her shoulder, obviously crying. Arthur mutinously pretended to ignore him as she ushered him from the room with Lance, who gave Arthur an understanding half-smile. Arthur was feeling very bitter. 

Arthur had done _everything_ right for once in his life. He'd been kind, understanding, generous, loving and where had it got him? Knocked out on his own kitchen floor by the boyfriend of the guy who he was in love with. Who was still refusing to dump the arsehole.

Arthur looked round at all the party mess - empty cups, red wine spillage and inexplicably a load of muddy footprints - and groaned as he watched everyone file out. Well _he_ certainly wasn't going to touch it: it was Merlin's party, so he could be the one to clean it up. Maybe _Percy_ could help him. 

'That fucker,' Gwaine's accent always got stronger when he was drunk. Or angry. Or drunk _and_ angry. 'If Lance hadn't intervened I'd have floored him. I bet he's on steroids, looking at him. I bet he had 'roid rage',' he snarled, shadow-boxing and thus doing a pretty good impression of someone with 'roid rage' himself.

'How the fuck am I going to explain my eye on Monday?' Arthur asked, getting a frozen bag of peas from the fridge and holding it to the throbbing area.

'Mugged by a 13 year old again?' Gwaine asked flippantly.

'Fuck off, I'm not in the mood,' Arthur slumped in a chair and watched Gwaine continue to shadow-box his way around the kitchen, occasionally kicking over empty cups in some budget version of kung-fu. 'This wasn't how this was supposed to go. I gave Merlin his incredibly thoughtful present, he was supposed to realise what a dick Percy is and break up with him for me. Instead I end up alone with a fuck-off bruise developing over my eye. And I still don't get why he won't dump Percy?'

'Beats me, mate,' Gwaine shrugged. 'But I've never had a boyfriend. People do stupid things when they're in love. I don't know,' he hopped up onto the work-surface and sat there swinging his legs and looking pensive. 'Percy cheated on him which must have made him feel bad about the way he looked, and then Percy picked on him for the way he looked, whilst also being the only person to show him sexual attention. It's a vicious cycle of emotional abuse - Percy makes him feel worthless yet ultimately he feels that without Percy no one else will be interested in him, and he's therefore scared to break away. The longer he stays, the worse he will feel about his appearance. Merlin needs to feel secure in himself and not rely on a partner to provide his positive feelings of self-worth, otherwise he'll bounce from awful relationship to awful relationship.'

Arthur blinked owlishly, 'Since when did you get all analytical?'

'Ah, I don't know, I've watched a lot of Dr Phil lately. I find it fascinating. I just don't really get low self-esteem,' Gwaine flicked his hair. 'I've always thought I'm good-looking and smart. I don't need someone else to confirm it for me.'

Arthur snorted, 'So basically I shouldn't have flown off the handle at Merlin and made him feel even more shit?'

'Correct-o,' Gwaine said. 'But I don't blame you - his boyfriend knocked you out in your own home, you're entitled to a wee tantrum. I took an instant dislike to him. He's blatantly fucking at least one of those guys he brought with him. And did you see his gift to Merlin?'

'Nope?'

'He bought him a bottle of wine, blatantly picked up from the cornershop. See, it's shit like this that puts me off love. Look at you,' he gestured at Arthur's disheveled appearance. 'You've gone all pathetic, and you've got a black eye.'

'Yeah, but if Merlin decides he liked me it'll be worth it,' Arthur admitted.

'Yeah, well he's shown no sign of that has he? No 'accidental' walking in on you in the shower? No love notes under your door?'

'No,' Arthur said, his mind racing as he suddenly remembered his weird conversation with Nimueh before he got knocked out. 'But one of his friends said something about him, um, maybe liking me.'

'Sounds a bit vague to me,' Gwaine scoffed.

Arthur really couldn't let Gwaine know the truth. Not _Gwaine_. He'd hear about it forever and a day. So he just said, 'Yeah, maybe,' and 'mate, I'm knackered. Let's go to bed.'

He was feeling pathetic so he asked Gwaine to spoon him and he found that his warm body holding him was a soothing counter-balance to the bruised face and ego.

***

Gwaine got up early to go and play rugby and he left Arthur alone with a disgusting house, hangover-induced paranoia, and some rather depressing thoughts. So he did the only thing he could think of and called Leon.

'Merlin's boyfriend punched me and I've entered a despair spiral. Please come over as soon as possible,' he said, by way of 'hello'.

'It's Sunday morning, time for sex and fry-ups,' Leon yawned.

'I'm your best mate. I'm officially playing the 'best mate trump card',' Arthur wheedled.

'Fine,' Leon huffed.

'Bring some black plastic sacks pl-' Arthur started, but Leon had already hung up.

Arthur entertained himself by trying half-heartedly to clear the terrace of cigarette butts whilst he waited for Leon to show up. Leon would soon set him right. Leon was always so bloody level-headed and good at calling Arthur on his bullshit. He'd know what to do.

When he found Leon standing on the doorstep looking all capable and sensible and carrying cleaning products and bin-bags Arthur had to fight the urge to burst into tears.

'You look like shit,' were Leon's first words. 'Have you got a doctor to look at it?' He reached for the shiner on Arthur's face and he shimmied backwards, out of his reach.

'No, it's fine, I don't need a doctor.'

'It's massive,' Leon whistled, 'what are his fists made of? Cement?'

'Not helpful,' Arthur muttered churlishly. 'Come up and let's get stuck in.'

'No Merlin?'

'No,' he said, shortly. It was only after they'd cleared most of the surfaces and Leon had mopped the floor that he felt able to say more, and even then he felt embarrassed and paranoid. He explained the events of the previous night to Leon who 'ooh'ed and 'aah'ed in all the right places.

'So now Merlin's gone off upset with you?' he asked.

'Yeah, I wasn't very supportive. Although I'd just been knocked out by his boyfriend so...'

'Pretty good excuse,' Leon agreed. 'Merlin's probably embarrassed, and worried you hate him. I think you should text him.'

'Really?'

'Yeah, and I think you should have a surprise birthday dinner for him next week to make up for this. No Percy, obviously. Just a few of his friends. In the meantime, just be nice and understanding, and hope he comes to his senses about what a cockweasel his boyfriend is.'

'Cockweasel?'

'I'm trying to expand my vocabulary,' Leon shrugged. 

Arthur texted Merlin, finding it hard to concentrate on the screen with one eye swollen shut. 'Hope you are okay this morning. Sorry for snapping last night - alcohol + massive fist = unhappy Arthur. Please come home? Ax'

It was three painful minutes (he counted) before his phone beeped again. 'I'm the one who's sorry. I'll be back for dinner. Thank you again for my present xxx.'

'There you go,' Leon said happily. 'I am a master at this kind of thing. All you can do is support Merlin, and _if_ he breaks up with Percy, then you can make your move. Although I wonder if he might just like you as a friend? He's not hinted at anything more has he?' Leon liberally stirred sugar into his milky coffee. 

'Well no, but,' Arthur paused. 'You know my author Lake Anders?'

'The one you hate who writes disgusting disgusting orgy stories where cabin-boys get spaffed on by massive bearded pirates whilst being spanked?'

'Um, yes. Him.'

'Yeah?' Leon looked confused.

'And you know how he's writing a new story about a guy seducing his room-mate and it's actually quite good?'

'Yeah, and you've been getting boners under your desk you sick fuck,' Leon sniggered.

'Have not,' Arthur said, unconvincingly. 'Anyway, Lake is. Um.'

'Spit it out. Lake is what? A woman? Pregnant? Bullying you again?'

'Lake is Merlin.'

Leon dropped his spoon with a clatter and leaned across the table. 'Shut the fuck up he is.'

'Ugh, you sound like you're from TOWIE.'

'Whatever, don't change the subject. He's actually your lovely, sweet, gawky housemate who you have a massive bonk-on for?'

'Yeah, I found out last night. And his latest story is all about room-mates slowly getting together. And well, maybe it's about me?'

Leon was looking off into space, ' _Merlin_ came up with the stable-boy being kept tied up in a horse-stall and 'ridden' by all the grooms? And the cross-dressing nympho sucking off strangers on the tube?'

'Yes,' Arthur said in a small voice. 

'God,' Leon breathed. 'Imagine the shit he's got up to in this house whilst you're away. I wouldn't even _touch_ any of the surfaces. Or the butter. _Especially_ the butter,' he said, in an awed tone of voice. 

'I don't think he's like that,' Arthur said. 'I mean, he blushes if he brushes my knee accidentally. I think it's all an act.'

'Still, are you going to tell him you know?'

'No! How can I? He'll be mortified.'

'He'll have to find out sooner or later,' Leon said. 'Might as well be sooner. It'll just get more and more embarrassing the longer it drags on.'

'Oh, and it's just so easy to broach is it?' Arthur asked sarcastically. 'Hi Merlin, by the way, I secretly edit erotica for a living, and I'm the editor who you hated until very, very recently.'

'Nah, you've got to go to that writing awards thingy anyway, he'll find out then won't he? So you should tell him beforehand so he's prepared.'

Arthur chose to block out the 'tell him beforehand so he's prepared' and decided instead that he could just pretend to be as surprised as Merlin when they met for a drink before the awards. What could go wrong?

'You can't just turn up at the awards without him knowing and expect him not to run off in horror,' Leon said, as if he'd read his mind. Bastard.

'Yeah, obviously I wasn't going to,' Arthur's denial was a bit shit.

Leon snorted derisively and chucked some bin-bags at him. 'Let's clean the house off before he comes home you big idiot.'

***

Merlin stuck his head nervously round the lounge door when he got in that night. Arthur was ready and waiting, looking cherubic, if he did say so himself, in blue striped pyjamas and with a throw tucked up to his chin.

'How are you feeling?' Merlin asked, gingerly coming over and crouching down next to Arthur. He ran a featherlight hand over the bruised area and Arthur winced. 'Sorry, sorry.'

'Stop apologising, it's fine. Well, it's not, but it will be. Sorry for being an arse last night.'

'You weren't being an arse. Percy was.' Merlin swallowed. 'We broke up.'

'Oh,' Arthur said.

'What no, 'I'm sorry about that'?' Merlin joked, weakly.

'No,' Arthur said. 'I'm not sorry about that. I'm glad.' Really glad. Really, _really_ glad. Ecstatic even.

'Me too,' Merlin admitted, resting his head against Arthur's knees. 'He was an arsehole wasn't he? Gwen says I need to be single for a while, and not let my self esteem get tied up in what other men think of me.'

'Oh,' Arthur swallowed.

'Yeah, not that there's anyone interested in me, or that I'm interested in.' He laughed, hollowly.

Arthur tried but it came out more like a cough.

'I'm just glad for having a friend like you.' Merlin unwittingly twisted the knife. 'I know you care about me no matter what, and that really helps. I'm so glad you're not cross with me.'

'I could never be cross with you,' Arthur said, automatically. 'You're one of my favourite people in the world.'

'Thanks,' Merlin sighed. 'Let's watch something uncomplicated and get an early night, yeah?'

'Yeah,' Arthur agreed easily.

'And thanks for being such a good friend,' Merlin squeezed his fingers. 'It means a lot.'

'Mmm,' Arthur agreed through gritted teeth. Because 'friendship' was the last thing on his mind now. And if 'Rules for Roommates' really _was_ about him then surely it was the last thing on Merlin's mind? All he needed was to get him to admit it. But maybe that would be the hardest part of all.


	9. Chapter 9

The days after the party were depressing. Yes, Merlin had broken up with Percy but it had obviously knocked him for six - his eyes were shadowed and bruised from staying up too late - and he hardly seemed ripe to tumble into Arthur's longing arms.

Added to that, the office was going through the tiring and tedious phase of gearing up for the sales conference. So his days were currently full of writing dull, repetitive cover-copy for books, pushing jackets through the cover-art meetings and trying to make sure all of their information was up to date. At this time he needed his wits about him: not to be distracted by pining for his housemate and sporting a fuck-off shiner. Everyone at work had been very worried when he showed up on Monday morning with an eye squeezed closed from bruising.

'Fighting again?' Gaius had asked, half joking.

'Nothing so rock and roll: I got mugged,' Arthur lied easily. 'It's happened twice now. Maybe my face offends people.' He squeezed out a fake laugh.

'Be careful,' Gaius's grip on his shoulder was reassuring. 'I don't want to lose my rising star to gang warfare.'

'Gang warfare?' Arthur had asked, dazed.

'Oh you know,' he waved a hand airily at him, knocking a stack of manuscripts off Arthur's desk but seemingly not even noticing. 'Crips and bloods and whatnot. I've seen _The Wire_.'

'But that's American,' Arthur said, hurriedly straightening the pages before they fell out of any semblance of order.

'Yes but these things spread. I've been to _Peckham_ ,' he breathed, in a tone of dread and Arthur had swallowed down anything he'd been planning on saying and instead hurriedly agreed he'd only frequent nightspots in Chelsea from now on.

One of the work experience girls had come and flirted harmlessly with him, sat on his desk with her long legs swinging in a way that a few months ago he would have found mesmerising. Now it was merely disconcerting as her fingers played with her skirt hem and she asked him what had happened. 'You look all rough,' she said, but the way she said it was oddly caressing. 'Did it hurt?' Her mouth was soft with concern.

'You should see the other guy,' he joked, lamely and then made up a lie about 'pressing editorial deadlines' until she went away. 

Merlin was weird around him too. Careful, solicitous: cups of tea whenever he wanted them and even when he didn't, to the extent that there were half-drunk mugs littering the house by Wednesday. He made dinner each night and said 'sorry' all the time, looking up at Arthur through dark lashes as if expecting him to snap and kick him out.

'Gwaine explained it to me, it's fine,' he said, eventually, when he was fed up of hearing the word 'sorry' and fed up of rich dinners where Merlin wouldn't meet his eyes and finding leftovers packed up into neat little tupperwares for him to take to work each day.

'Explained what?' Merlin had asked curiously, twirling linguine round his fork.

'About Percy. How he destroyed your self-esteem so you couldn't leave him. I understand.'

'Oh,' Merlin looked amused. ' _Gwaine_ said that?'

'He's been watching a lot of Dr Phil,' Arthur shrugged. Merlin smiled properly for the first time in what felt like weeks.

And all the while the sexual tension that Arthur had felt before seemed to have dissipated. Merlin barely touched him. He was kind to him, talkative, and friendly, but he never rubbed his shoulders when Arthur had a bad day, or made bad jokes about sex, or acted in any way which could be considered anything other than friendly. Asexual, even.

'Seriously mate, it's driving me mad,' he was at Leon's on Wednesday night, eating a takeaway and whingeing, as was his wont recently.

Leon rolled his eyes, 'So you expected him to just break up with Percy and swoon into your arms? You've been reading too many of your romance novels, Arthur.' He pointed his fork at him for emphasis. 'Shit doesn't happen like that in the real world.'

'Yeah, exactly,' Arthur said, 'I've been reading _his_ romance novel - the one about two guys fucking who live together.'

'You don't know it's about you,' Leon pointed out. 'I presume - fervently hope, in fact - that 'Cross-dressing Cuckold' and 'Boy-band bukkake' aren't based on real experiences that Merlin had had. So this could be based on anyone. It's probably completely made up.'

'Yeah, but, the main character, James, looks like me. He's blond with blue eyes, into sport, and pretty built.'

'Wow,' Leon deadpanned, 'the hero in an erotica novel being attractive. What a shocker.' He snorted, slathering his naan in mango chutney, and looking smug. 'It's hardly like the hero was going to be balding, or morbidly obese, was it? I don't think that's the done thing in these kind of books.'

'Point taken,' Arthur glowered. 'But there's other stuff too. Like,' he paused, thinking, 'some of the stuff he says sounds like me.'

'Compelling evidence there, Pendragon,' Leon slow-clapped. 'I now see why your career in law didn't go further.'

'It's just a feeling I have, alright,' Arthur said, shortly.

'Wishful thinking, perhaps?' Leon quirked an eyebrow. 'Look, I just want you to be realistic. Maybe one day Merlin will be up for more with you, but stop pushing it and wait for it to happen patiently. Have you organised his birthday dinner?'

'Yeah,' Arthur said. 'It's really small. Gwen, Lance, Elena-the-underwear-model, his friend Will from home. I thought better to keep it quiet after what happened at the weekend.'

'Arthur,' Leon looked serious, despite the smudge of chutney by his mouth. 'You're a really good person, and I think Merlin will realise that, okay? So be patient.'

Arthur felt shy, shrugged his shoulders. 'Alright mate, thanks.' He tucked into his bhuna with renewed vigour. 'Now how's stuff going with Sophia?'

***

By Thursday, Arthur had everything prepared for the surprise dinner the next night, and was only worried that he hadn't covered his tracks enough. Merlin was going to go to the cinema with Gwen and she was to deliver him safely to the door by 8pm, ready for dinner. A little part of Arthur marveled at the fact that he felt absolutely nothing except a healthy dollop of liking for Gwen. The painful days when their relationship had ended felt like they'd happened to someone else. So much had changed since then.

Arthur didn't recognise himself a lot these days. It wasn't like he'd gone completely crackers and was writing Merlin love-songs or anything like that, but he was definitely different. Merlin made him want to care more. He worried about Merlin, wanted to protect him, to keep him safe. Arthur had never had those urges over anyone else before.

'Can't wait to see 'The Woman in Black' tomorrow night,' Merlin said excitedly, lolloping into the lounge and depositing himself into an armchair. 'I've asked Gwen back after for-' He broke off and looked worried. 'Shit is that okay if I've asked her back? It's your house, I know, and I don't know if everything's okay between you since-'

'Stop,' Arthur said. 'It's fine. Stop hyperventilating. I am a grown-up and have moved on. I wish her and Lance all the best. Honestly.'

'Really? You're capable of wishing an ex 'all the best'?' Merlin asked, agog. 'Because I keep fantasising about all the cruel things I should have said to Percy. Or how I should have delivered an exit line worthy of Kat Slater in _Eastenders_. Instead I was all pathetic and trembly and 'I think you know this isn't working'. And he was horribly unrepentant.' Merlin's lower lip wobbled.

'You just need to say the word and Gwaine will get a gang of rugby lads over and happily break his legs,' Arthur assured him. 'He's been watching _a lot_ of violent films lately for inspiration 'just in case'.'

Merlin smiled, but it was half-hearted. 'Seriously, I don't wish him the best at all. I just wish I hadn't been so fucking pathetic and put up with him for so long. You were right.'

Arthur preened, 'Well, yes, I was right,' and then caught himself, 'but that's not the important thing here, is it? The important thing is that you broke up with him and he's out of your life now, so there's no point raking over old ground.'

'But it's just so _embarrassing_ , Arthur. He cheated on me, everyone knew it, and I took him back and he blatantly did it again. And he made me feel so crap about my body.' Merlin looked down at himself critically. 'Do you think I'm attractive?' He said, all in a rush, like he'd had to push himself to ask the question.

Arthur coughed and shifted awkwardly, 'Well, yes,' he said, in a very stilted way. 'You are a very attractive young man.'

Merlin laughed, 'God could you sound any less convincing? No, no, it's fine, it was a stupid question, let's not mention it again. Let's just watch _Take Me Out_ on catch-up.'

'Hey, no, don't be like that. And please, please don't make me watch _Take Me Out_. I think you're gorgeous,' Arthur said, not looking in his direction at all. 'You've got amazing eyes, and a lovely smile and even Gwaine thinks your hair's great.' He chanced a look at Merlin, who was looking down at the ground, biting his nails. 'Your next boyfriend will think you're the most amazing person he's ever met, and he'll want to have sex with you ten times a day, every day, and take you on glorious holidays just so he can shag you in foreign countries too. He'll want to buy you thoughtful presents, and cook you roasts, and let you hog the remote. I promise.' Arthur met his eyes and tried not to let his hopeless longing shine through.

'I hope you're right,' Merlin sighed. 'God, listen to me, all I do is witter on about my shit love-life these days. How's yours? How's stuff with Gwaine?'

Arthur blinked, disconcerted, 'I keep telling you, he's not my boyfriend. I haven't slept with him for weeks. He's relentlessly pursuing a straight guy from work.'

'How's that going for him?' Merlin smiled.

'Well, apparently. He's some kind of magician, I swear, I was straight as an arrow until I met him. And now, at the sight of any man with a beard and boy-band hair well... my knees go slightly weak.'

Merlin laughed properly at that, and Arthur felt pleased to have broken through his general malaise. 'Maybe a fuck-buddy would make things less complicated but knowing me I'd fall in love with them and it would all get horrible awkward.'

'I don't recommend it as a general rule,' Arthur agreed. 'Love makes everything messier.'

Merlin nodded, 'Yeah, it does.'

***

They stayed up talking for ages, until Merlin said he had some work to finish off. Arthur hoped beyond hope that he meant _Rules for Roommates_. He couldn't shake the feeling that it was about him, no matter what realism Leon had tried to interject into proceedings. Arthur sat staring at his iPad until midnight, willing it to beep, before giving it up for a bad lot and padding into the lounge to play Fifa. Because if anything could destroy sexual tension it was playing thirteen-year-olds online at football games.

'Yes, fucking _get in_ ,' he yelled. 'Fuck you Wayne!' He punched the air. He'd been battling this one particular Scouse kid (whose chosen handle was WayneTheDon) for weeks. Wayne had sent him a series of messages abusing him in their previous matches, most of which involved the word 'cunt' in a series of unimaginative yet deeply offensive ways.

'Um, can you keep it down?' Merlin came out of his room, hair tousled. 'I've just finished writing and I'm so bloody tired. Sorry to be a killjoy.' He was just wearing a pair of drawstring pyjama bottoms, Arthur noted, his mouth suddenly dry. He was pale, and lean, and his chest was dusted with dark hair. His hips were narrow and-

'Um, Arthur, have I mortally offended you?'

'What,' he snapped his head up, 'no, why?'

'You just looked at me really weirdly. Oh I dunno, I'm tired, can you keep your FIFA celebrations to a minimum after 1am?' He smiled.

'Yeah, yeah, sure,' Arthur stared fixedly at the screen. 'See you tomorrow.'

He raced back to his room (after one final 'fuck you Wayne!') and threw himself onto his bed. He reached for his iPad as one might imagine a crack addict would reach for a crack pipe. Desperate. Hungry. He caught himself and shook it off, forced himself to check facebook and twitter and BBC Sport as if pretending to an imaginary audience that he totally wasn't bothered whether he had an email or not. But of course he was bothered and when he saw that he had an email from Lake ( _Merlin_ ) he shivered slightly.

'Arthur,

Hope this hits the spot! Sorry for the delay - real life got in the way. I know that sounds unprofessional but I can only apologise and assure you that it won't happen again. I worry how my audience will respond to this, as it is more innocent than my usual fare (no cricket bats or human horses!) so I have upped the graphic nature of these scenes.

Lake.'

Arthur found, to his undying shame, that he already had a semi just reading the email. But it was Merlin ( _Merlin_ ) writing this stuff. And that was unbearably exciting, even if it wasn't about him. 

In the latest chapters it was James who kept coming to Harry, drawn to him despite his ostensible heterosexuality. James would crawl into bed with Harry and wake him with kisses, rubbing his heavy erection against Harry's hipbone but saying 'no' every time Harry tried to touch him. Eventually Harry snapped and told him 'new rule - touching with hands but that's all' and took hold of James's dick and pressed it against his own, sliding them against one another and watching the way James's dick leaked pre-come, and how he went all breathless and moaned incomprehensible things against Harry's neck until he came all over Harry's dick and hand and then watched as Harry thrust twice and came in the space between their bodies. The next night it happened again, but this time James was the one to make Harry come first and then Harry sucked the come off James's fingers and made James beg 'please' until he took his dick in his mouth and let him fuck it until he came.

Arthur didn't even pretend not to have an erection this time and hurriedly pulled his dick out from his boxers and fisted it, hard and slow, thinking about how the head of Merlin's dick would look sliding against his own, dripping come over Arthur's erection, getting him all slick and then letting him push inside Merlin's tight arse. It only took a few strokes until he came, fucking up into his own hand, his breathing harsh, Merlin's name on his lips. 

It was embarrassing how much he wanted Merlin and embarrassing that he was now wanking so much that he had a stash of Kleenex beneath his bed. Uncouth, even. But he knew deep down that James _was_ him, just as Harry was meant to be Merlin. It didn't matter that he had no proof for this, he just knew it. But how did he get Merlin to admit it? He shook his head: he had no idea of that.

***

The fish pie was in the oven, the table was set, the wine was chilling and the guests were due to arrive any minute. He'd bought 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' helium balloons and even iced a cake. Everything was ready. Arthur faffed around with his suit in front of the mirror, raking nervous fingers through his hair over and over. What if Merlin didn't like the surprise? Or what if he saw straight through it into Arthur's _soul_ and realised how he felt? He shuddered, and felt a bit sick.

He was relieved when the doorbell went. Lance was standing there with a girl Arthur presumed was Elena, given that she was pouty and blonde and her generous cleavage was spilling out of the neckline of her bright red dress.

'Hello both of you,' he kissed her twice, once his eyes had popped back into his head, and settled for shaking Lance's hand. 'Wine, nice.'

'Gwen just texted me, they're leaving the cinema now, so they'll be here in half an hour,' Lance said.

'Oh fuck, I hope Will is here by then,' Arthur fretted, as he settled them both in chairs and put their wine in the fridge. Fuck, their fridge was more wine than food these days. They'd probably develop scurvy soon if he wasn't careful.

The doorbell went then and Arthur opened it to find a brown-haired guy with messy hair wearing skinny jeans and carrying a six-pack of beer. 'I know wine's the done thing at dinner parties, but I can't be faffing around with that snobby Pinot Grigio bollocks. It's got to be a tinnie for me. I'm Will,' he held out a hand, shook Arthur's firmly. 'Nice place. Do you own it?'

'No, well, partly. The bank own it mostly.'

Will looked admiringly around, 'Fuck I could never afford a place like this. What do you do?'

'Oh, publishing, I earn fuck all. I used to be a lawyer though.'

'That explains it. Hey, where's your fridge?'

Slightly bamboozled, Arthur showed him through to the kitchen. 'This is Elena and Lance. This is Will.'

'Charmed,' he shook their hands, theatrically kissed Elena's, took rather a while drinking in her cleavage. 'When's Merlin due?'

'In about, um,' Arthur checked his watch, 'thirteen minutes. Gwen's bringing him.'

'I was sorry I couldn't make his birthday party but sounds like I made the right choice staying away,' Will said, cracking open a beer. 'Has he dumped the fucker yet? He's made a right hash of your eye.'

Arthur laughed at his bluntness, despite himself, as he self-consciously touched the fading bruise, 'Yes he has dumped the fucker, thank god. Percy was a complete shit.'

'Yeah, I always said it. Anyone who drinks protein shakes isn't someone you can trust. It's one of my rules for life. And what do you two do then? I'm presuming _you're_ a model,' he said to Elena in a way which could only be termed 'sleazy'.

'I work for a charity,' Lance said. 'I'm really passionate about giving back,' he sounded earnest and on anyone else it wouldn't have been a good look but on Lance it worked.

'I actually am a model,' Elena giggled, then snorted, covered her mouth. 'Sorry, not a very ladylike laugh. I'm an underwear model.'

Arthur and Will both looked at her cleavage. Lance pointedly didn't. 

'Elena was supposed to move in here, actually,' Arthur said, finally, when he could tear his eyes away. Every time she laughed he was frightened that one of them was going to pop right out of her bra and land in the salad dressing.

'Fucking hell, bad luck you got saddled with _Merlin_ ,' Will shook his head, ogling wildly.

'He has his charms,' Arthur said, primly. If Elena had moved in they'd probably have had sex, and then spent the rest of the time avoiding each other until everything got unbearably awkward and she moved out. Whereas the idea that Merlin would be moving out in the not-too-distant-future made him feel a bit queasy. 'Oh shit, I need to make the salad.'

'I'll help,' Lance offered. Of course Lance offered. It was _Lance_.

'Can I do anything?' Elena asked.

Arthur shook his head. He was worried what would happen if she had to chop things. Worried that Will's head would _literally_ explode at all the jiggling.

He'd just had time to get everything ready when he heard Merlin's key in the door. 'Everyone, shh!' he said, pointlessly, given that everyone was already being quiet.

Merlin walked through the door with Gwen and they all yelled, 'Happy birthday!'

Merlin looked shocked, then took in the faces around the table, the balloons and the cake. 'Arthur?'

'Your previous birthday was shit, mate, so I wanted to do something to make up for that,' he shrugged.

Merlin smiled, rested his head against Arthur's shoulder, 'You're amazing,' he whispered. And then he kissed Arthur's cheek shyly and squeezed his hand whilst Arthur feared his chest might burst.

'Come and sit down you skinny bastard,' Will said.

'You're too fat for those jeans,' Merlin retorted, a broad grin on his face.

'I've just been commiserating with Arthur on how gutting it must have been when you moved in instead of Elena. Having met her I bet he'll be crying himself to sleep tonight,' Will punched Merlin on the arm.

'Yeah I reckon so,' Merlin half-smiled, caught Arthur's eye.

'I'll never regret the day Merlin moved in,' Arthur said. 'It was one of the best days of my life,' and he gave a big cheesy grin as if he was kidding but he meant it. And watching Merlin smile and joke and look so blissfully happy made him realise just how much. And if waiting for Merlin was what it took, then waiting was what he would do - he was confident that the end result would be worth it.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time they were all ready for pudding, everyone was fairly pissed. Arthur was at that hazy, fun stage of drunkenness where you feel warm and fuzzy but are still a way off from doing anything embarrassing. 

Gwen was busy telling ridiculous stories about her job as an actors' agent and making everyone choke on their wine.

'So then she started screaming down the phone 'and if that's not bad enough, I've lost my motherfucking cellphone! How am I supposed to call anyone without my motherfucking cellphone?' to which I calmly responded 'take a deep breath, realise you're talking on it to me, and hang up. We'll forget this ever happened.''

'Fuck off, what did she say to that?' Will leaned in, spellbound.

'She just said the word 'fuck' and then the phone went dead. We never mentioned it again.'

Will shook his head, 'Celebrities, eh? All fucking mental.'

'As if you've ever met any!' Merlin lobbed a pea at his head. It missed by a mile.

'I'll have you know I met Katie Price at an appearance at _Faces_ once.'

'You are so classy,' Merlin said, lining up a second pea to flick at his face as Will waggled his tongue at him.

'I used to model with Katie Price, back before Peter Andre,' Elena chipped in, distracting Merlin from his vegetable-based assault with a hand on his sleeve. 'Back when she was getting all filthy with Dane Bowers. I walked in on them once,' she shuddered, theatrically. 'They were filming it.' She looked off into the distance, 'God, imagine if that video exists. Filth, and then me just come out of hair and make-up in lingerie in the background saying 'oh dear lord!' over and over in an increasingly high-pitched way.'

Arthur could tell from the look on Will's face that he wished a very different kind of video existed of Elena.

'Ah, that's nothing,' Gwen giggled. 'I once had to extricate one of my boss's actors from a very messy situation involving three strippers, a dominatrix, and a paddling pool of jelly. I ended up falling in, fully-clothed. Oh, the things I've seen...' she struck a melodramatic pose, hand to forehead, as Lance laughed so much Arthur thought he might fall off his chair.

It was at times like this that Arthur remembered why he had loved Gwen. She was smart, and funny, and very good at bringing people together. And now he could look past how bitter he'd been at the time, he realised how much better she was with Lance. Lance complemented her personality perfectly. Arthur had always been in conflict with it. He'd not been in a good place at the time and he'd underestimated Gwen, patronised her, and taken her for granted. He regretted his behaviour now, even though it wasn't as if he wanted to get back with her. Not when Merlin was sat right there, loose-limbed and happy, leaning on Elena's shoulder and making her laugh with whatever he was muttering in her ear.

'Right. Puddings.' Arthur said, more to himself than anyone else, rubbing his hands as he pictured the concoction he had waiting in the kitchen. The only way to describe it was 'diabetes inducing'.

'D'you want a hand?' Merlin swayed to his feet. 'I bloody love puddings, what have you made, Nigella?'

'Ha. Ha. Rather too flat-chested and small-of-hip to be Nigella,' Arthur pointed out. 'I've made Eton Mess.'

'Brilliant,' Merlin breathed, following him through to the kitchen. 'Did you go to Eton?'

'No,' Arthur said, pointedly, as Merlin had said the word 'Eton' in the same tone of voice one normally reserved for serial-killers or racists. 'I actually went to _Winchester_.'

'You're such a rah,' Merlin said, ruffling Arthur's hair.

'Fuck off, Merlin, just because you grew up like one of the cast of _Shameless_ ,' Arthur retorted, smearing whipped cream over Merlin's nose in a fit of pique.

Merlin smiled like the cat who'd got the cream and stuck his finger in it, tasting it. 'Hmm, s'good. Could have done with some more framboise though.'

'You cheeky sod.' Arthur balanced the bowl of Eton Mess and turned to Merlin, 'You can carry the bowls, dickhead.'

'Well, when you ask so sweetly...' Merlin winked at him.

***

When Arthur shut the door on Will and Elena it was 1am. He leaned back against it and sighed, 'So?'

'So what?' Merlin teased.

'So was it a good birthday party?' he persisted. His stomach fluttered. He felt absurdly nervous about Merlin's verdict.

'It was bloody brilliant,' Merlin smiled. 'You are so amazingly nice to me. So funny, and handsome, and kind, and you make actual _puddings_. And I never really said thank you enough for my present.'

Arthur smiled, 'You're welcome. God, you're effusive when pissed.'

'Nah, don't laugh it off, I mean it,' Merlin said, insistently.

Arthur wondered where this was going. Merlin looked intent. And adorable, with his ruffed up hair and slight flush on his cheeks from the wine.

'Yeah, well, I think you're amazing too. You're, um,' he stuttered into silence. 'You mean the world to me,' he settled on eventually, looking fixedly at his shoes. 'Anyway,' he said, with forced jollity, 'the washing-up won't do itself!'

Merlin laughed, 'Do you think it's really safe to do the washing-up when drunk?'

'Well, no,' Arthur admitted, 'but it is much, much better to attack it when pissed than to wake up tomorrow, shivering, slightly queasy, and come downstairs to a kitchen resembling a bombsite. In fact,' he paused, 'there must be a _word_ for that. It's something that happens to every dinner-party host the morning after.'

'You're ridiculous,' Merlin snorted, then he groaned as he took in exactly how awful the kitchen looked. Empty wine-bottles crowded the surfaces, grated cheese was on the floor, plates were stacked haphazardly and there were approximately one million filthy saucepans jostling for space by the sink.

'See?' Arthur said, gesturing at the empty packets, and the wine-glasses jostling for work-surface space. 'Better to do it when our old friend vino has taken the edge off, than tomorrow when hanging.'

'You're right,' Merlin shuddered. He put on an elaborately innocent face for a moment, 'Are you sure I should be doing it on my birthday?'

'Nice try. Here's a black bin-bag, get started.'

Merlin prevaricated with putting his iPod on as Arthur sucked in a breath, decided to start with loading the dishwasher. He looked up and frowned as the music began.

'Have you just put on 'Whistle While You Work'?' he asked.

'Yes,' Merlin was defiant. 'I fucking _love_ Disney.'

'You are such an odd-bod,' Arthur said, laughing as Merlin theatrically whistled along. He felt such waves of affection whenever he looked at Merlin, like he wanted to pinch his cheeks, and bite his hipbones, and squeeze him til he popped. The last thought shocked Arthur a little, that was just _weird_. 'Will's fun, isn't he?'

'Yeah, it was so nice of you track him down, we've been mates since we were little. And really nice of you to invite Lance and Gwen, considering...'

'That's all in the past,' Arthur insisted, gingerly balancing a stack of plates. 'I am totally over her. I like her a lot but she is far better with Lance than she ever was with me.'

'Do you not get lonely sometimes?' Merlin asked.

'Well, yes, but... I'd rather be alone and lonely than with the wrong person for the sake of it.'

'Which is where I fell down,' Merlin sighed forlornly. 'I had my head turned by the first guy that showed me interest. I let him treat me like a fool and just kept running back. I feel so _embarrassed_ when I think about it, like I want to march round there and have it out with him and tell him what I really think of him. Really mean stuff, you know?'

'Like what?'

'Like... that penetrative sex doesn't have to be the be-all and end-all and sometimes it's actually quite nice to just touch each other. And, and, that if I don't come from sex it's not _my fault_ and that he eats far too much protein to be healthy and that his breath smells from all the meat and that anyone who actually likes 'Top Gun' in a non-ironic way is a bell-end.' He paused for breath.

'Fucking hell, still waters run deep, eh?'

'He made me feel so ugly, and sexless,' Merlin shivered unhappily.

'You're gorgeous, Merlin,' Arthur said earnestly. 'Honestly, you're one of the most handsome guys I've ever met.' He busied himself with the washing-up so he didn't have to look at him, until he felt Merlin's hand on his arm.

'Do you mean that?' Merlin looked unsure.

'Yes, I do,' Arthur said fervently. 'I thought it from the moment I met you - that there's something about you.'

Merlin came forward then and wrapped Arthur into a hug, laying his head on his shoulder. Arthur stayed tense in his arms.

'You're such a boarding-school boy,' Merlin said, without looking up. 'So bloody awkward when it comes to affection and physical contact.'

Arthur snorted, 'Thanks, Freud. And you're like a stray cat, rubbing yourself up against the provider of food.' But he relaxed against Merlin, breathed him in, let his hands skate round to his waist.

Merlin looked at him, arms still around his shoulders, as if they were slow-dancing at a primary school disco to 'Two Become One'. For one painfully hopeful moment Arthur thought that Merlin was going to kiss him and then he said, 'You're the best mate I could hope for. I hope you know how much everything you've done means to me.'

'Yeah,' Arthur said, to a spot just to the left of Merlin's ear so he didn't have to meet his eyes, worried that some of what he was feeling would leak into them. 'I feel the same.'

They stayed that way for a while, swaying to the incongruous background music of 'The best of Disney' before Arthur called halt to things and insisted they buckle down to some more cleaning.

'Spoilsport,' Merlin stuck his tongue out at him.

In reality, there were few things Arthur would rather have done than slow-dance with Merlin but he had slowly been becoming aroused, which would have been embarrassing. Plus, whenever Merlin said something about them being 'just friends' he thought he might cry - even more embarrassing.

So instead he cleaned, and wiped down, and recycled all the empties, and laughed and joked with Merlin, even whilst inside he felt nausea that had nothing to do with the amount of wine he had consumed.

***

'As plans go it's one of your worst,' Leon said, over breakfast at The Delaunay on Monday. Leon was important enough that he could have breakfast meetings and not feel like a dickhead, and Arthur could occasionally slope in late and claim he'd been seeing an agent. Arthur, as a rule, despised breakfast meetings as they required him to get up early, and the dickhead to normal person ratio in restaurants was significantly worse at breakfast time. But Leon seemed to be bloody busy (shagging probably) every evening at the moment, so breakfast was the only time he could do.

'I don't think it's my worst,' Arthur snapped, taking a sip of tea and scalding his tongue. For fuck's sake.

'I didn't say it was your _worst_ ,' Leon said. 'That title is reserved for when you decided the best way to 'take the edge off' telling your Dad you were leaving the firm was doing two Jagerbombs at 11am.'

Arthur suddenly became very interested in whether his cufflinks were straight or not.

'You remember,' Leon persisted. 'You slapped the arse of his secretary and were sick in his umbrella stand.'

'Yes I remember,' Arthur hissed.

'Well this comes a close second. Instead of patiently waiting for Merlin to get over things with Percy and then ask him out, you're going to arrange a 'getting to know you' lunch with 'Lake Anderson' in a public place, where, ta-da, you reveal you're you and he's Merlin and that you've been reading the filthy porn he's been writing about you. Is that the long and the short of it?'

'Yes,' Arthur said defiantly. 'Although it sounds a little bit risky when you say it like that.'

'A little bit risky?' Leon mocked. 'That's like saying the BNP is 'a little bit' racist. He will be mortified and angry.'

'Yeah, _or_ ,' Arthur said, around a mouthful of bacon, 'he'll be all 'Arthur knows how I feel, I don't want to hide it any more' and then we get together.'

Leon made a face, 'Yeah, my suggestion is far more believable, sorry to say.' He didn't _look_ sorry, Arthur concluded. He looked smug, if anything.

'You're not being very supportive,' Arthur said sniffily. 'And this bacon is very salty.'

Leon rolled his eyes, 'You're not paying for breakfast so you don't get to complain. And I'm sorry, but I'm not going to support such a terrible, terrible plan. I think you need to tell Merlin the truth in private, that Nimueh told you that he writes porn, and that you're his editor, and that you'll see if someone else can edit him as this is awkward.'

'Nope,' Arthur said cheerily. 'My plan is way better.'

'Do you actually believe that?' Leon bit into his bacon. 'Fuck, it is salty.'

'Told you so. And yes, yes I do.' Arthur said. 'In fact, I'm issuing the invite now.' He pulled out his iPhone. 'Dear Lake, given your recent nominations for erotic fiction, I thought it would be nice if we met face to face. Are you free for lunch this week? Kind regards, Arthur.'

'This is a bad idea,' Leon warned.

'Your face is a bad idea,' Arthur retorted.

'What does that even mean?' Leon asked.

'What does your _face_ even mean?' 

'Oh fuck off and drink your tea,' Leon sighed. 'Just don't come crying to me when this all goes horribly wrong.'

'I won't, because it won't. See, see,' his phone was already vibrating with an email, 'Lake can have lunch on Thursday. Ha. Ha!'

'You're an idiot,' Leon said. 'At least promise me you won't have some Jagerbombs beforehand?'

'Ha. Ha.' Arthur said, sarcastically, putting his phone away with a flourish. 'No Jagerbombs. Maybe some sambuca instead?' He joked.

Leon rolled his eyes, 'I hope for your sake this plan works out better than I suspect it will.'

'Yeah, me too,' Arthur stabbed his poached egg mutinously. 'Because living with him in a platonic way is slowly killing me.'

'I've never seen you like this before,' Leon admitted.

'It's because he's so special,' Arthur said, again finding his cuff-links fascinating.

Leon covered his hand with his own, looked at him earnestly. 'I'll leave my phone on all Thursday afternoon, alright. So call me if you need to?'

'Yeah,' Arthur swallowed, awkwardly. 'I will. Thanks.' But the thought of defeat just wasn't one he could entertain. Maybe Leon was right, maybe this was a very stupid idea, but he had to do _something_ to make Merlin admit that he felt that way about Arthur too. He wouldn't even let himself consider the possibility that the fiction was just that - _fiction_ \- and that Merlin really did just see him as a mate. 

'I'd better get back to work,' Leon sighed, making the international gesture for 'bill, please' to the waitress. 'Good luck mate.'

'Cheers, not that I'll need it,' Arthur said cockily, but he knew that Leon saw straight through it. He'd need all the luck in the world to pull this one off.


	11. Chapter 11

'I am having _the best_ week ever,' Merlin announced when Arthur got home on Tuesday night. He was wearing a pink apron covered with pictures of cupcakes and had some rather fetching dabs of flour on his face and in his hair. Arthur was bamboozled, given that he hadn't even had the chance to turn his keys in the lock before the door opened and Merlin appeared, looking slightly manic.

'Um, well done?' Arthur hazarded, ducking past where he loomed in the doorway, to kick off his coat and shoes.

'I have managed to make FOUR batches of cupcakes and they taste fucking brilliant!' Merlin bellowed.

Arthur leaned in, peered at him slightly. 'Are you high on sugar and colourings?' he questioned, suspiciously, noting how Merlin was sort of bouncing on the spot, vibrating almost.

'Yeah, probably,' Merlin smiled sweetly.

'And what's brought on this Delia-esque baking onslaught?' Arthur asked. 'Not that I'm complaining, you understand.'

'I'm having lunch with an, um, client on Thursday, and I thought I'd make her cupcakes.'

'Oh,' Arthur's mouth went dry. The 'client' was him, obviously. 'So you're meeting Cheryl Cole then are you? Ha. Ha.' His laughter sounded fake (the laughter of _a liar_ he hissed at himself, angrily) but Merlin seemed to buy it.

'Yeah, fine, it's Cheryl Cole,' he shrugged. 'Because she so clearly _looooves_ cake,' he drawled. 'Yip, eats cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Cake, cake, cake, washed down with full fat coke and maybe some crisps and chips for savoury. I'm being sarcastic by the way,' he added, belatedly and entirely unnecessarily.

'Yeah, I got it,' Arthur said, shortly, pushing through into the kitchen.

'Oh right,' Merlin said, following him. 'Because you know, it was a pretty funny ol' joke so when you didn't laugh, I wondered...' he trailed off as he watched Arthur take in the bombsite that used to be their kitchen. 'I know, I know!' he yelled preemptively. 'I'll clean it up I swear!' He flung himself melodramatically in front of the breakfast bar which was covered in butter, chocolate and flour. 'Here, have a cake?' He physically shoved the nearest cake into Arthur's mouth as he let out a startled 'mmfp'.

'You are such a mucky pup,' Arthur said, around a mouthful of chocolate-fudge cake. He said it affably, though: it was hard to be mad when so much sugar was coursing around his bloodstream. Plus he felt incredibly guilty about what he was going to pull on Merlin on Thursday. Not guilty enough to not go through with it though. He'd thought about quietly telling Merlin but the idea of it made him want to throw up: he knew the only way he could go through with it was if he did it in a way like this. A situation where he couldn't back down and find some way to just... not tell him. To weasel out of it, which was all he kept on doing.

'I get bored, sometimes,' Merlin said. 'I try and rein in my love of baking but sometimes it just explodes in a shower of cream horns and tiramisu,' he shrugged, apologetically.

'You talk about it as if it's like you're addicted to crystal meth,' Arthur sniggered. 'Fuck this stuff is sweet. My teeth actually _hurt_.'

'Yeah,' Merlin smiled smugly. 'The icing is just sugar, fudge, milk and butter.'

'Glad to see all those episodes of 'Supersize vs Superskinny' you've watched have had an impact on your understanding of a balanced diet,' Arthur smirked.

'Dr Christian Jessen says everything is fine in moderation,' Merlin lectured.

'And this is moderation?' Arthur gestured around the bomb-site that had previously been their kitchen.

Merlin stifled a giggle before giving up and throwing back his head with laughter. Arthur gave in and laughed too, despite the pangs the messy kitchen gave him. 'I know, I'm such an idiot, I was only going to make one batch and then I went mad,' he gasped out between bouts of increasingly hysterical sounding laughter. 'I ended up running to the corner-shop four times for more eggs and sugar. The guy behind the till thinks I'm a nutter.'

Arthur couldn't help laughing with Merlin, found himself wanting to hug him really tightly and tickle him til he squirmed against him. And then he wanted to cover him in icing and lick it off. He blinked, perhaps the erotica he was editing was having an impact on his mental state?

'You are a plonker,' Arthur said affectionately, wiping some of the cocoa off Merlin's cheekbone and refusing to allow his fingers to linger there, no matter how much they wanted to do so.

'I'm just in such a good mood this week,' Merlin smiled. 'I feel like I've really turned a corner with the whole Percy thing, and that the world is full of, I don't know, 'sunshine, lollipops and rainbows'.' He did ridiculously exaggerated jazz hands.

'I'm glad,' Arthur said, gingerly pulling out a chair and inspecting it to insure it wasn't covered in cream. 'I hated seeing you so low. I went crazy when Gwen and I broke up, stopped eating, stalked around like a bear with a sore head, drank too much... every cliche in the book. I don't think it was all about her though. I think I tied it all up with what went on with my Dad, and leaving the firm and whatnot - didn't let myself grieve properly for what I'd gone through with Dad and then just lumped it all in with Gwen's rejection.' He worried at a cuticle. 'Bloody hell I've got introspective lately.' He smiled at Merlin, 'I'm glad you're moving on. Percy was never worthy of your tears. I never want to see you so sad again.'

'Nah, I'm swearing off men,' Merlin said. 'I think sex complicates things, you know?' He wrinkled his nose as he dabbed at his face with a cloth. 'I mean, because I'd never really _had_ sex before when someone showed sexual interest in me it totally went to my head and I got way too hung up on him. The next guy I'm with, if there is one, will have to be very gentlemanly and wait.'

'Sure,' Arthur snorted. 'And where are you going to find this paragon of virtue? At a 'chastity belt' convention?'

'Fuck off Arthur,' Merlin flicked a decorative sugar ball at him, missing wildly. 'I'm just saying that I'm not going to let my loins overrule my head again.'

'Who calls them 'loins'?' Arthur asked. 'You're so Victorian.'

'And you're such a knob,' Merlin stuck his tongue out. He surveyed the mess of the kitchen properly and then sat down in the middle of the floor. 'I'm never going to get it clean. Never. I'll still be here in a week, vacuuming up baking powder.'

Arthur hid a grin, 'It won't take long. I would help, but I have very busy and important things to do.'

'Like..?' Merlin raised an eyebrow.

Arthur wanted to answer 'Like editing the latest chapter of porn you sent me you filthweasel' but settled on 'Very serious and highbrow editing work, too highbrow for the likes of you.' He stuck his tongue out. 'When I come down I expect this place to be spotless.'

'Or what?' Merlin challenged.

'Or you'll get the spanking you so richly deserve,' Arthur retorted sharply, turning away so Merlin couldn't see the flush staining his cheeks. Bloody erotica really _had_ turned his head.

'Oi!' Arthur could hear Merlin's shocked laughter but he didn't turn round to face him, too embarrassed by what he'd just said. And anyway, he told himself, he was Merlin's _landlord_ , he had to inflict discipline somehow or goodness knows what Merlin would get up to next.

Once he was in the confines of his own, blissfully tidy bedroom, he felt he could relax. Casually check his email. Casually note that Merlin, whilst high on sugar had sent him a new missive.

'Dear Arthur,

Well, this is it - the boys finally Do It. A lot. In varying gymnastic positions. I do so hope you enjoy it. Looking forward to lunch.

Yours,  
Lake.'

Well well well. Wellity wellity wellity. So James was finally going to give in and break the final rule - not fucking his housemate.

Arthur took off his suit jacket, loosened his tie, and settled in to read. The boys were regularly giving each other blowjobs now, and handjobs, and engaging in frottage in the shower when they were both all soapy and slick. But having sex seemed to be where James drew the line. It was as if, in his head, this was where the invisible 'YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT ARE YOU?' line was and he just couldn't cross it. Until one day, when Harry tied him up and sucked him off for nearly an hour, and then James said, 'please, please, I want you to fuck me.'

Well, Arthur thought, that was a turn-up for the books, and especially for Lake's books where the seemingly straight guy was always the fucker rather than the fuckee. 

Harry carried on sucking James off and then started touching his arsehole gently, just rubbing the slick tip of his fingers over it until James was begging for his fingers inside him. He patiently spent ages introducing one finger, then another, then another, until James was moaning and pushing himself down onto them, screwing himself on Harry's hand. Then finally, Harry took pity on him, untied him and refused to let James roll over on to his hands and knees. 'You're not going to pretend we're not doing this,' he said, and pulled one of James's legs over his shoulder, pressed the head of his thick cock to James's arsehole and then slowly, oh so slowly, slid inside. He kissed James throughout, told him how beautiful he was like this, how good he felt, how much Harry wanted to come inside him, and Harry rubbed James's leaking erection until he came over both of their stomachs, until Harry pushed deeply into James and with a hoarse cry, came.

Arthur closed the email and lay on his stomach on the bed, well aware that he was probably denting the mattress with his erection.

People never expected Arthur to bottom. Because he was loud, and confident, and rich, and a little bit arrogant, they sort of presumed that he would always be the one to do the fucking. And sometimes he would - loved the feel of being fully encased inside someone else's body, loved the erotic thrill of the power, the feel of someone's body tightening around yours. But he also loved, to a much stronger degree perhaps, the feeling of being fucked. Of being on his hands and knees, someone behind him pushing into him, not being able to control it, or the sounds he made; begging for it, asking for it in the filthiest ways he could think of. It really got him, like a punch in the stomach, hit him hard, made him breathless, to see Merlin writing it down like this. To think of Merlin being the one to finger him, to stretch him out, and then make Arthur go boneless with lust beneath him whilst he fucked him into the bed.

It was probably Gwaine who was to blame for it (Gwaine was to blame for most things after all) for spending so many dirty hours with Arthur, making him do things he'd never even thought of before, that he'd never imagined he would end up loving. Like wanking over Arthur's chest, or fucking Arthur's mouth, and fucking him bent over in the bathroom so he could watch them both in the mirror. Gwaine was hardly a selfless lover, but he seemed to take pride in stretching Arthur's sexual horizons so he was hardly recognisable from the guy who would touch a girl for a few minutes just as a precursor to fucking her. Now he could happily spend an hour just going down on someone - guy or girl - and have that as the main act itself rather than the starter before the main course of sex. He wondered how it was possible that Merlin was writing such dirty things yet was adamant that he wasn't going to have sex for ages, or get involved with someone. It seemed ridiculous to Arthur that here they both were, pining for the other, and yet pretending to the outside world that they were 'just mates' and they were fine with it.

His phone beeped, 'Spanking averted - sparkling clean xx'. He smiled, his stomach knotted up. What he felt for Merlin was so much stronger than just sex though. He was. He was. He was a little bit in love with him, he thought finally, _bravely_ as he read the next text 'Oi, text me back... you can spank me if you must?!'

'You kinky fuck' he tapped out. 'I am busy working', he took a photo of himself wearing glasses (clear frames) and pretending to puzzle over a manuscript.

'Don't pretend Arthur - we all know you can barely read. I've found my niche: 50s housewife.' Merlin had taken a photo of himself suggestively licking a spoon, still wearing that apron.

Arthur laughed, hard, and went downstairs to join him.

***

Arthur took extra care with his clothes on Thursday. First his lucky boxers, then his lucky socks, followed by Merlin's favourite suit and tie. Even his cuff-links were lucky - he'd worn them to his first publishing job interview and they'd obviously worked miracles then given that he had little to no experience of, nor interest in, erotica and romance publishing at that point.

A few times the previous couple of days he'd considered calling the whole thing off. Just doing what Leon said, sitting down with Merlin and saying, 'Look, I've found something out...' but he knew what would happen if he did that. Merlin would be awkward, he'd be awkward, it would all be bleeding awkward. Whereas this way? Well, he had the element of surprise on his side for one and for two, he'd _actually go through with it_ rather than choking every time he tried to tell Merlin the truth.

He sleepwalked through his morning meetings, signing off jackets willy nilly and clearing his inbox with a lot of one-liner emails. 

'You seem distracted today?' Gaius had appeared as if from nowhere, clad in a white suit.

'Just busy,' Arthur said, huffing out a breath of air in an exaggerated fashion. 'You know, really getting to grips with the list. Nice suit, by the way.'

Gaius frowned at it, as if just noticing it, 'You don't think it's a bit too white do you?'

'Not at all. Just white enough,' Arthur lied. He looked like Colonel Sanders. Or a KKK member, sans hood.

'It hasn't gone unnoticed how hard you've been working on the erotica,' Gaius said thoughtfully. 'Most people think they're too good for it, but you... well, you've really taken it in your stride.'

'Um, yes,' Arthur said, awkwardly. 'I'm actually taking one of the authors out for lunch - Lake Anders?'

'Oh yes,' Gaius smiled fondly. 'Lovely Lake. He's actually the son of my niece's neighbour. Such a sweet boy. Mind like a sewer,' he grimaced, 'but very sweet in person. You'll like him. He's single you know.'

'No. No I didn't,' Arthur said, wondering where this conversation was going and praying for it to end.

'Not that I'd encourage fraternisation between editor and author you understand but... he does deserve a nice young man. I hope you're taking him somewhere delicious?'

'Um, yeah, Orso,' Arthur said, feeling like this was a trick question.

'Good, nice food there. Well,' he patted Arthur on the shoulder, 'enjoy your lunch, and don't worry too much about coming back this afternoon. You deserve a rest.'

Arthur squinted suspiciously over his shoulder at Gaius's retreating form. Maybe he was stoned? Or drunk? Or stoned _and_ drunk? He shrugged: he had bigger fish to fry. He logged off his computer and left the office, his hands shaking slightly as he rehearsed what he was going to say. 'Merlin! What are you doing here?' or 'It's me, Arthur Stuart, your editor' or 'Please let's do the things that Harry and James do' or even 'Cricket stumps? You sick bastard'. No, not the latter, definitely not the latter. His palms were sweaty and he surreptitiously wiped them on his suit trousers. He wondered idly how Gaius coped with sweat in his white suit then shook his head violently at the image, disturbing a group of schoolchildren whose teacher eyeballed him, instructing them to 'keep to their pairs, move along children, many strange people in London.'

He got there five minutes early and was shown to his seat by the waiter. 'Some wine whilst you wait?'

'Um, yes, please, large glass of pinot grigio please.' He fought down the urge to say 'STAT'.

He took a large gulp then another. He'd deliberately positioned himself so his back was to the restaurant so he couldn't spend the time craning his neck desperately, looking for Merlin.

Then, 'Yes, Mr Anders, your dining companion is already here.' One more gulp for luck and, there, in a nice suit, his hair brushed, was Merlin, clutching a tupperware full of cupcakes.

'Arthur?' he said. He'd gone pale. Paler than normal even, which was pretty fucking vampiric at the best of times. 'Arthur, what are you..?'

'Merlin. Um.' Arthur's voice came out as a strangled squeak, as if his voice was breaking for the first time. 'I'm, um, I'm, Arthur Stuart. It was my Mum's maiden name so... um.' His speech stuttered to a halt as Merlin continued to loom over the table.

Merlin sat down heavily, grabbed the wine glass, no time for decorum, and gulped it down. ' _You're_ my editor? Well, Lake's editor.'

'Yes, apparently,' Arthur said, unable to look away from Merlin's horrified stare.

'And you knew this?'

Arthur considered trying to make a joke like 'yeah, and you didn't?' but couldn't quite get the words out. 'Yes. Not for long. Since your birthday. Nimueh. She told me. And I didn't know how to tell you.'

'So you decided doing it in a public forum was the best way,' Merlin's voice was dangerously quiet. 'The best way to make me feel humiliated and ashamed.'

'I didn't know you'd feel humiliated and ashamed,' Arthur bleated. 'Honestly. You're a brilliant writer and I think _Rules for Roommates_ is fucking amazing. I think you're so talented and-'

'You've read _Rules for Roommates_ ,' Merlin said it as a statement rather than a question.

'Yes,' Arthur said, wishing desperately for the waiter to come over and interrupted.

'And I bet you thought it was about you, didn't you?' Merlin's tone was frightening. His face - normally so open - was locked down, tight.

Arthur swallowed.

'I bet you had a brilliant time laughing at me, reading bits out loud, making fun of me... I can't believe you thought it was okay to keep it from me.' Merlin's arms were folded, his expression terrifying.

'No, I-' Arthur stumbled. Then he took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and did the bravest thing he'd ever done. With or without Jagerbombs. 'I hoped it was about me,' he said softly. 'I hoped more than I've ever hoped before that you wanted me the way I wanted you. The way I want you,' he corrected himself.

There was silence for a while, Arthur's desperate hands shredded a receipt he found in his pocket.

'The way you want me?' Merlin said, quietly.

'Yes,' Arthur said, in a small voice. He chanced a look up at Merlin, but his expression was still terrifying. 'I have wanted you since the moment I first met you. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Ever.'

'I'm hardly your usual type,' Merlin said, flippantly.

'No, perhaps not, but every moment I spend with you getting to know you, and that seems less and less important.' He sighed, geared himself up to say 'I have never desired someone the way I desire you.' But he heard a crash, Merlin had thrown his chair back and stormed out.

Arthur sat there blinking. What had he said, what had he done? His hands were shaking. The waiter appeared, as if by magic, 'More wine, sir?'

'Yes,' Arthur said. 'Please. And, and,' he found himself ordering a huge bowl of pasta as well as the wine. He got his phone out, texted Leon 'Merlin stormed out. Am eating my feelings.'

'Where are you, am coming mate.'

'Orso. Hurry.'

He felt like putting his head on the table and having a good old cry. What had he said? What had he said?

'What did you say?' it was Leon, crumpled and sweating slightly. 'I was just round the corner, made up an emergency. Though looking at the state of you I think this qualifies as an emergency to be honest. What the fuck happened?'

Arthur's lower lip quivered. 'Well, he came in, I told him, he drank a load of wine, he said I'd probably been laughing at him all along... and then I said how much I wanted him.'

'Okay...'

'And then he made some comment about him not being my usual type, and I said something like the more I got to know him the less that mattered.'

'Aha,' Leon said. He beckoned the waiter over and ordered some bread, and pasta, and wine. 

'What 'aha'? Why 'aha'?' Arthur's head snapped up.

Leon looked rueful. 'So his previous boyfriend made him feel shit about his appearance and made comments about being won over by his personality, and then you come along and say essentially that his looks aren't up to much but you can overlook them for his personality.'

'That's not what I said!' Arthur said.

'I know, but that's what he'll have heard. He feels embarrassed, and raw, and like he's repeating the mistakes of his past all over again.' Leon handed him some flatbread, 'Eat this, it'll help.'

Arthur took it, glowering, 'Are you going to say 'I told you so'?'

'Nope,' Leon said. 'Because I'd have loved to have been wrong, mate, and you actually fucked it up in a way that hadn't even _occurred_ to me. But you didn't mean to, and I feel bad for you...'

'That was just a longer way of saying 'I told you so',' Arthur said, moodily. 'The crazy thing is I fancy the _pants_ off him. Just him being near me makes me 14 years old again with inopportune erections.'

'Nice,' Leon swilled his wine around and took a mouthful. 'He doesn't know that though, does he? Probably thinks you've been reading his erotica about the two of you and thinking 'oh, poor Merlin, isn't he sweet, how embarrassing this is, seeing a sexless eunuch like him write porn' rather than wanking over it to the degree there's nearly been a national Kleenex shortage.'

'I'm going to call him,' Arthur said. 'I have to.' The phone rang to voicemail and he left a really stuttering and awkward message where he said, 'I think you're gorgeous and sexy and I want to be with you, no matter what.'

'Nice,' Leon said.

'Oh fuck off, this is really difficult for me.'

'Yeah, I know, that's why I'm here. Now come on, eat something.' Leon smiled his thanks as the waiter deposited two steaming plates of pasta.

'Ugh, why am I such an idiot?' Arthur asked.

'Because sadly your mother's genes couldn't override your father's enough,' Leon said, thoughtfully, twirling pasta around his fork.

'I've never fallen in love before, and I don't think I'll bother again if this is how it ends up,' he stated melodramatically.

'Look, just give Merlin some time, alright? Talk to him tonight, properly. Apologise, say you'll give him space until he knows what he wants. He'll come round. He obviously likes you too.'

'Maybe,' Arthur sighed, picking at the mussels dotted around his plate.

'It'll be alright,' Leon said, solemnly, covering Arthur's hand with his own. And because it was _Leon_ , and Leon was always right, Arthur sighed and nodded, and tried to believe him.

***

Merlin wouldn't come out of his room that night, no matter that Arthur sat outside it for an uncomfortably long time.

'I'm so sorry, Merlin... please, talk to me,' he had called, plaintively, but his response had just been silence. 'I never meant to embarrass you,' he insisted. 'I am just such a cock, I do it without even realising.'

Merlin's response to that had been, 'Go away!' and then the sound of something large hitting the door. Something like a shoe, or a book.

'Fine, I'll go away, for now...' Arthur added ominously. He went down to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine. He knew that drinking when depressed was a very bad idea, but right now he just didn't care. He felt terrible, and if what it took was a tenner's worth of white wine to take the edge off, then that was what he was going to have to resort to doing.

It was two glasses and a Fleetwood Mac album later that Arthur came up with his master-plan. So Merlin was embarrassed? Felt exposed? Felt like Arthur didn't fancy him? Well fuck that - Arthur knew just what to do.

He got his laptop out and booted it up. Clicked on the document entitled 'Rules for Roommates' and gave himself a quick refresher on the last chapter. 

There, fine, he could do this. He could _so_ do this.

Ten minutes later he was still staring at a blank screen. How come he had edited and read porn every day for years but he couldn't do it? He took a sip of wine.

'James had had enough with the rules. He'd had enough of coming up with reasons not to let Harry touch him.' There, that was good wasn't it.

'Something inside of him had broken when Harry had fucked him. It was like the last vestiges of his will-power had gone. All he could think about was Harry's face, his blue eyes, his long fingers - about how soft his skin was, how he just wanted to touch him all the time.' Ha, Arthur thought, I could totally do this for a living.

He continued on in this way for a while, skirting around the sex but not quite getting to it, before he took a deep breath and steeled himself. 

'James leaned in and caught Harry's lips in a soft kiss. 'Let me make you come,' he said, intently. 'You always give me so much pleasure, let me just touch you for a while.''

Ha, Arthur thought - erotic _and_ highlighting what a selfless lover he was, this was good.

The blowjob scene lasted a long time. Arthur kept getting a bit turned on and stopping, just thinking about going down on Merlin, and would then snap himself out of it, force himself to concentrate. 'Erotica is an _art-form_ , Pendragon,' he told himself.

The scene ended with Harry (aka Merlin) coming down James's (Arthur's throat) and them kissing, before James said, 'I love you, and I don't want to hide who I am any more.'

There, Arthur thought smugly, a cliffhanger. Just what the book needed to spice it up a bit. He attached it to an email and sent the message to Lake 'Please read this. I'm sorry. I care about you so much and even if you didn't have an amazing personality I'd still want to bone you every which way - you're fucking gorgeous and I could write entire sonnets to your wrists. Please please please forgive me. I've never been in love before and it makes me stupid(er). I've spent months pining for you, and months turned on as fuck over what you've been writing but you were with Percy, and then you said you wanted to be on your own and I can't bear to live with you and not be able to hold you, or kiss you, or tell you every day how amazing you are. I'm sorry. Arthur.'

He then collapsed into bed, and slept the sleep of the drunk.

***

The next morning Arthur slept through his alarm three times. When he finally woke up he had that slow, creeping paranoia that comes from having drunk too much. 'What did I do? What did I do?' he muttered to himself, falling out of bed with a thump and running to the shower.

It was only when he'd turned the shower on and stepped in that he remembered, with the sudden horror of clarity, exactly what he had done the day before. Told Merlin how he felt, got drunk, _written Merlin porn_.

Oh no. No no no. He squeezed his eyes shut in a 'hear no evil, see no evil' type way, but when he opened them the facts of the matter had not changed a bit. He had written erotica and sent it to his housemate, who was also his author. Fuck. A sackable offence? Probably.

He dressed as quickly and quietly as possible and practically sprinted out of the door, desperate to avoid Merlin. Oh why oh why was he such an idiot, he wondered afresh.

His phone beeped, 'Feeling better today? Leon.'

He couldn't face replying and shoved it back in his pocket. He spent the tube journey deep in a spiral of paranoia. He was convinced everyone was staring at him. He was worried he had toothpaste round his mouth, then worried that he hadn't done his flies up, or was wearing odd shoes. Finally, he was worried that he'd accidentally sent the erotica to his entire address book.

As soon as he had signal back when he was off the tube he checked his sent items on his iPhone. At least he'd just sent it to Lake. That was something.

He made it through the morning without being sick or really having to talk to anyone, and had just started to relax when he caught sight of his boss at about 4pm. Gaius was wearing a red suit today (seriously, what was this office turning _into_?) and made a bee-line for Arthur. 'How was my little Lake then? Heh, 'litle Lake', I should just call him 'puddle' shouldn't I? Or estuary.'

'Um fine, fine,' Arthur lied. 'Really pleased with how the books are going and he's keen to re-contract.'

'Oh you are so good,' Gaius smiled. 

'Thanks,' Arthur said, feeling slightly sick.

'Oh gosh, speak of the devil,' Gaius gestured at Arthur's email. 'He's emailed you. I'll leave you to it then,' and he winked at Arthur, before sauntering off.

Arthur went from feeling 'slightly' sick to feeling as sick as he had the first time he'd gone to Alton Towers and insisted on riding Oblivion four times in a row, straight after lunch. He opened the email with his eyes closed, then opened first one, then the other.

'Dear Arthur,

Thank you for this missive. Apart from a few uses of 'dock' where I believe you meant 'dick' and the unfortunate use of the word 'viscous' to describe the texture of ejaculate, I found this moving.

Let's talk later.  
Lake.'

Man alive. That was rather unexpected. Maybe it had been the claim of writing sonnets to Merlin's wrists that had done it? But whatever it was, he was suddenly rather looking forward to the evening rather than greeting it with sick dread. He texted Leon, 'All okay, I think. Thanks for being such a good mate.'

***

He had bought Merlin flowers. And chocolate. And champagne. He'd drawn the line at one of those cheesy 'Me To You' teddy-bears but _had_ briefly considered it in a fit of madness.

He struggled to open the door and was surprised when it was flung open from the other side by Merlin, looking adorable as ever in a pair of jeans and a shirt with the sleeves rolled up. 'Got my wrists out,' Merlin said with a leer. 'In case you wanted to write any poetry.'

Arthur flushed bright red, 'I'm so embarrassed.'

Merlin went pale, 'You did mean it though? It wasn't just because you were drunk? Oh fuck, have I made a fool of myself again.' He smacked himself hard on the forehead.

'Fucking hell, no! I meant every word of it, apart from 'viscous' maybe, that was a bit weird. I just feel so exposed.'

'Think how I felt, then,' Merlin said. 'Oh, wow, are these for me?' He practically swooned at the presents. 'Arthur!'

'Yes, they're sorry presents. And 'please can we start over' presents.'

Merlin embraced the chocolates, champagne and flowers in a way which made Arthur rethink his decision not to buy the teddy bear. 'I've made dinner, by the way.'

'So, um, what did you think about... what I wrote.' Arthur trailed behind him to the kitchen, feeling wrong-footed but hopeful.

'Well, from a professional standpoint you needed to do more to differentiate between James and Harry as all those 'hims' get confusing.' He flashed a wicked grin at Arthur as he went back to stirring, leaving him awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. 'But from a personal viewpoint I thought it was one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done from me. And, um,' he busied himself over the stove. 'I feel the same.'

'About my wrists?' Arthur said stupidly.

'No,' Merlin laughed. 'You have very average wrists. But about you in general. I, um, might be a bit in love with you too.'

'Really? But, but, but Percy!'

'I felt very conflicted about him,' Merlin said. 'And I thought you'd never look at someone like me. Sometimes you said things that made me think otherwise, but most of the time I thought you just looked on me as a very good mate. Like Leon or someone. And then there was Gwaine.'

'Gwaine was supposed to make me forget about you,' Arthur said. He came up behind Merlin and rested his head between his shoulder blades, let his hands encircle his waist.

'I won't stir this very well if you keep doing that,' Merlin said, relaxing against him.

'I don't mind,' Arthur said. 'I'd never eat again if it meant I could touch you whenever I wanted.'

Merlin laughed, 'You really have been reading too many romance novels.'

'No, I've just never been in love before.' It was easier to say when his face was buried in Merlin's shirt, and he was inhaling him.

'Right, off,' Merlin said. 'We are going to eat dinner and talk like civilised adults.'

'I don't want to,' Arthur said, but reluctantly he moved away, greedily watching Merlin rather than the food for once in his life.

'So,' Merlin said. 'We need to talk about us. No more secrets, no more misunderstandings and farce, alright?'

'Alright,' Arthur said, tucking in to his stir-fry with gusto. 'So I edit erotica and romance for a living. And I thought you were a right pain in the arse.'

Merlin sniffed, huffily, 'I prefer the term 'efficient' or 'business-like'.'

'Nah,' Arthur disagreed. 'You were difficult and time-consuming. And really, really filthy.'

Merlin blushed, 'Yes, about that...'

'... You left a lot out when you told me about your schooldays, is all I can imagine,' Arthur continued. 'Far less homework and far more whipping.'

'I have a vivid imagination,' Merlin said. 'I like writing erotica. And it wasn't all lies, I _do_ ghost celebrity autobiographies and whatnot too. Just, 99% of it is porny porn.'

'Really porny porn,' Arthur said. 'Honestly, I was so close to having you arrested a few times. 'What kind of sick mind dreams up tails that end in butt-plugs?' I asked myself. Never dreaming I was living with such a deviant.'

'Shut up shut up this is so embarrassing!' Merlin chanted.

'But _Rules for Roommates_ was different,' Arthur said. 'I'd never been turned on by something an author wrote until then. I used to get erections at work and everything.'

'Fuck off,' Merlin smiled.

'Yep, I did. And I'd hit refresh approximately twenty times a night waiting for the next chapter. That combined with the sexual tension of being around you was an absolute killer. It's a wonder I got any work done.'

Merlin was a lovely pinkish shade. 'So you really do fancy me then?'

'Oh yes,' Arthur said. 'And when I found out Lake was you... well, I couldn't help casting us in the roles, lying there wanking each night, imagining you coming in and catching me... joining in.'

Merlin swallowed, pushed his chair back, and came to stand over Arthur. 'I don't think I want to eat any more.'

'No,' Arthur agreed, pulling Merlin onto his lap. 'Please may I kiss you?'

'Yes. _Please_ ,' Merlin said, with emphasis.

Arthur kissed his chest and his throat, where the pleasing flush had migrated, finally meeting Merlin's lips. They kissed slowly, very sweetly, and it reminded Arthur of snogging at school. Merlin's tongue shyly stroked against his and then he seemingly grew in confidence and kissed Arthur harder, teeth grazing his bottom lip, sucking his tongue into his mouth.

'You're so fit,' Arthur whispered.

Merlin's answer was to slide so he was straddling Arthur's lap, his erection pressed against Arthur's, and rub against him. They kissed like that for ages, in that teenaged way, slowly pushing against each other all the while. 'Do you want to come up to my bedroom?' Arthur whispered against his lips.

'Very much,' Merlin said.

They lay on Arthur's bed, Merlin's leg thrown over his hip, his thumb stroking circles over Arthur's hipbone, and then Arthur started unbuttoning Merlin's shirt. Kissing every patch of skin he uncovered. 'You are so lovely,' he kissed his way down to Merlin's stomach, stopping to unbutton his jeans. 'I intend to keep you in bed for as long as humanly possible.'

Merlin giggled, breathlessly, impatiently tugging on Arthur's clothes. 'Come on, off.' Arthur stopped undressing Merlin only to give himself a chance to take everything off, eager to get back to kissing him as soon as possible. 'I thought we were going to talk like grown-ups?' Arthur teased, as he pulled his trousers off.

'This is how grown-ups talk,' Merlin said. 'Well, some grown-ups. The ones in porn, probably. Basically, I am in love with you and you are in love with me, and we should be a couple. Even if it is soon. It feels right,' he babbled, 'and anyway the past few months have basically been foreplay every day and I just have to feel you naked or I'll die.' He paused for breath then, 'Fuck, you're gorgeous.' He looked long and hard at Arthur, from his face to his chest, spending rather a long while staring at his erection which seemed to throb even harder under his gaze. Arthur fought the urge to cover himself with his hands. Finally, Merlin pulled Arthur down on top of him, rubbed his erection sluttishly against Arthur's until he moaned into his mouth. 'You feel so good against me,' he said. 'Fuck, you're so hard.'

'Merlin,' Arthur said, stupidly. 'Merlin, Merlin.' He rolled them over until Merlin was on top of him. 'Sit up, I want to look at you.'

Merlin hung his head, bashful, then sat up, wrapped a hand around both of their erections and slid them together inexpertly. Arthur was leaking pre-come _everywhere_ , sliding against Merlin's dick. Merlin's dick was longer than his, the head rosy red, wet as anything, and Arthur added his own hand to the mix, rubbing the head of his dick against Merlin's.

'I want to suck you,' Merlin said.

'But I thought you didn't like blowjobs,' Arthur said then, 'fuck, not that I want to put you off.'

Merlin lay next to him, loosely touching himself, and began to lick the head, sliding the flat of his tongue over the dripping slit, tonguing the underside then finally, finally allowing it all into his mouth. Sucking hard, 'Fuck,' Arthur's hands skated over Merlin's head and settled on his shoulders.

Merlin pushed himself up, let one hand rest round the base of Arthur's dick, tossing him off slowly, whilst he let the head fuck his mouth. Arthur was painfully aroused. Merlin moaned around it, pulled off to say, 'It feels good. The sounds you make. I'm so hard.' Then he bent back to it, skittering his tongue round the edges of the head of Arthur's dick, teasing him.

'Please will you fuck me,' Arthur said, finally. 'I want you inside me so much.'

Merlin pulled off abruptly, looked nervously up at him. 'I've never done that before.' But he let his fingers rest briefly against Arthur's arsehole, just circling.

'It doesn't matter, I just want you to fuck me so much. Your fingers, fuck,' he pulled Merlin forward and kissed his swollen mouth again and again. He was pretty impressed at his multi-tasking that he managed to get lube out whilst kissing, but he handed it to Merlin alright. Merlin looked at him through the tangle of his fringe. 'You sure?'

'Yes, _yes_.'

Merlin pressed a sweet, hot kiss against the head of Arthur's dick and then knelt next to him. Even watching him slick his fingers up felt like it was too much to bear: he had to look away. He let his fingers brush the hole, circling slowly, til Arthur pushed against him. 'Do it, please,' and then he slid one, long finger in slowly, right down to the knuckle. Arthur gasped, put his heels on the bed, opened his legs. His dick was hard and heavy between them. Merlin looked at him in wonder. 'More?'

'More,' he arched as Merlin added a second, pushing them slowly in and out, oh so slowly, as if he was afraid that Arthur would break at any moment. 'More, _please_.'

He looked at Merlin's long, thick cock, thought about how it would feel, the burn of it inside him, the noises Merlin would make. 'I'm going to make it feel so good for you,' Arthur promised, moaning, rolling his hips.

'I believe you,' Merlin said, seriously. He reached for Arthur's dick with his free hand, stroked in time with his fingers thrusting inside Arthur's body. Arthur closed his eyes, let his head loll back on the pillow, all he could do was _feel_.

Merlin put the condom on with shaking hands, let Arthur rub more lube onto him, pushing into his hand, fucking it. 'Are you ready?'

Arthur felt the blunt pressure of the head of Merlin's dick. 'Yes, yes,' he pushed against him. Merlin pushed slowly, and Arthur felt his body open for him, felt him rock his way in in increments, never enough, it would never be enough. Arthur's eyes found Merlin's, 'Come _on_ , fuck me,' he begged, pushing against him, 'I want to come around your dick.'

Merlin moaned, thrust until he was fully inside Arthur and then stopped. 'Fuck, you're so tight. It feels amazing.'

'You feel so good,' Arthur breathed. 'Come on, do it, I want it so much.'

Merlin's hair was hanging in his eyes but he didn't take them off Arthur - off his eyes, his mouth - the whole time. He started to thrust in earnest and Arthur reveled in the feel of it, how full he was, how good Merlin looked over him. He rubbed his erection. 'Merlin, I'm so hard, you've made me so hard. My dick's leaking with it, I have to come, I can't not come.' He couldn't stop speaking, had never been so hard before, _never_ , his dick was like iron, wet and messy, sliding against their stomachs as Merlin thrust faster and faster. 'I'm going to come, fuck, fuck, Merlin,' he muttered nonsense as he thrust into his own hand, felt his orgasm hit him like a rush, spurting over both of them, his breathing loud and harsh.

Merlin didn't say anything, much, just moved faster and faster and with one, bitten off, 'Fuck' he buried himself inside Arthur as Arthur revelled in the feel of his dick pulsing inside him. Merlin was sweaty as he rested his head against Arthur's but he didn't mind, kissed him, open mouthed and sloppy, tongues everywhere.

'Fuck,' Merlin said again, pulling out, tying a neat knot in the end of the condom and chucking it at the bin before slumping down next to Arthur, his head on his chest. He smiled, suddenly.

'What, Merlin?'

'I never have sex on the first date,' he said. 'It's a rule of mine.'

'Ah well,' Arthur grinned, 'in for a penny,' and he pulled Merlin up and to him and kissed him again and again. 'Rules were made to be broken after all.'

\-- THE END


End file.
